A week before Yaya had her grade 11 final exams, she came home and told me “Mom, I can’t breath”

I knew right away that she was getting nervous and showing signs of exam anxiety.

Exam anxiety is normal and if you don’t learn to cope with it, you will end up not doing your tests well.

I searched online and found this link that explains what is exam anxiety and how to deal with it and printed it out and gave it to Yaya.

http://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/Test_Anxiety_Booklet.pdf

( sorry, again the link icon on wp doesn’t work)

The day before her exams, I saw Yaya revising for an hour and then she read story books..On the morning of exams, she was still reading her story books. Her point is, if you have worked all year and are sure that you did give your 100%, then there is nothing more you can study the few hours before your exams. Instead, you should relax, read a book and not get stressed unnecessarily.

I must say, I grew up in India and it is really stressful to see my child not studying, instead reading a novel just before the exams..that was not how I grew up with. I remember walking up and down the corridor and frantically parroting all the points in my text book and reading the text book till I enter the exam hall..you know that one last minute preparation…

Anyway, she didn’t feel breathless again and seemed to have learned how to deal with exam anxiety and I learned a bit too late that I wasted so many hours doing unnecessary revision when I could have read more novels. 🙂

Today is Baby’s final assembly at the elementary school. The grade 7 students vacate their places and leave the hall and the grade 6 move in to grade 7 places. One group leave with tears rolling down their eyes and the other group all excited to be the new grade 7 students.

28 years ago, I too went through this. I remember feeling petrified as to where my life will take me. I was living in a two bed room dungeon ( it really was) kind of house with an absent father and present but not really present mother. SSLC exam was my make it or break it exam. No one had faith in me that I would do well and I had big shoes to fill in. My sister was a brilliant student and everyone knew her and her achievements. As I left the assembly hall for the last time, I felt my world and all that I considered as my safety net was crumbling around me and I felt all alone.

From a small place in Kerala to where I am now.. what a beautiful journey it had been..and it was worth every bit.

This morning Baby came to me and said “Mom, I am not ready to leave my school”

And I smiled and told her ” I know it is really hard, but trust me when I tell you this, the journey ahead is worth it,  ‘Oh the places you will go’ ”

Together we read Dr. Seuss’s “Oh the places you will go”

Yesterday was Baby’s grade 7 graduation.

Yaya helped to pick her dress, did her hair and makeup and my job was the role of the spectator. My child looked gorgeous. I bought her a silver coin from Perth mint as her graduation gift. (http://www.perthmint.com.au/catalogue/forever-love-2014-1-2oz-silver-proof-coin.aspx)

All three of my children have completed elementary school education and they no longer depend on me like they used to. Today, I am just so glad that I was able to spend every minute of their childhood with them. It was an honour and I am grateful for the opportunity. I read somewhere that growing old is a privilege denied to many and I honestly think it is staying at home to raise your children is the biggest privilege denied to many.

As I walked in to the hall to attend the ceremony, her class teacher handed me her grade 7 report card and told me “You have an awesome child and it was a delight to have taught her and would you please let me know when she goes to Uni as to what she chose to do?” Currently she writes and publishes novels on Wattpad and her dream is to be a journalist and her teacher thinks she will make a very good journalist.

I don’t like to compare my children as they are different as day and night and it is really not fair on them to be compared as they are unique in their own ways. That being said, I would like to talk about how different they are ! Yaya and Toothless are driven and have always excelled academically and Baby has always been a happy go lucky kind of child. She didn’t give a damn if she got a B, unlike her siblings.

As a mom, the only thing that I am concerned is with the Effort column, I expect them to give 100 % when it comes to effort. I haven’t seen Baby studying for her exams and didn’t really expect anything great in her report card. Besides, I know that Grade 7 marks really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of life.

To say I was shocked to see her report card was probably the biggest understatement of the year.

Without much further ado, here it is.

As you know by now, I am hopeless when it comes to taking a decent photo. Baby got A for English, Maths, Science, History, Geography, and B for HPE, Arts, Technology, Japanese and Music.

Effort: Excellent for all subjects.

I liked the violin music teacher’s comment the most. XXXX reads music with reasonable accuracy and fluency and demonstrates good technical proficiency on her instrument at this level. XXXX has a very high commitment to lessons and ensemble and is organized in regard to her equipment and attendance.

So here I am..on a beautiful sunny day..a part of me is very excited to see my children growing up..and a part of me wish for a little bit more time..just a little bit more time

A very dear friend lost his job last month. Currently he is taking his wife and their two children on a trip  around the world, instead of looking for a job. The truth is, he doesn’t really need to look for a job, he is financially very secure. He started working at the age of 15 and followed the 60:40 rule. Save 60% of the money he earns and spend only the 40%. By the time he finished his Engineering degree, he owned his own 2 bedroom house. He is 42 years old, owns a fully paid home and two investment properties that bring in a good rental income and he can live on the rent for ever without having to work. ( He didn’t take a single dime from his parents ever since he started going to Uni )

My mother’s aunt adviced my mother to save 100Rs/month from her salary the day she started working. If my mother had followed that advice, when she retired she would have been a millionaire.

I don’t have time to work it out, but quick maths shows, if you started with 100$ and invested 100$ every  year and the interest is 10% ( bit high, but easy to work with) at the end of 5 years, you will have $639, 20 years $ 6500, 40 years it will be $ 58,827.

Financial independence is pretty easy if you are very careful  working with the money you have in your hand.

One thing I am adamant to give my kids is individual time with me. It is not that I have a lot of spare time, but it is not my children’s fault that I have a very busy life.So I squeeze in time for each of them, however busy/tired I am.

Now that it is Summer and the sun is up at 4.30 AM, I no longer can go for my morning walk ( too hot), So After I cook dinner I go for my evening walk, making sure that my son too would have finished his homework by then, so he could join me. It is our time together. For him to tell me about his day and all things that he finds exciting.

In the past few weeks, I have learned which girls are really hot, How they are building a steel dome in Chernobyl to prevent further radiation from escaping the plant, Why I must not vote for LNP in the next election, back to the hottest girl he saw at the bus stop..

He needs that time to talk to an adult..and I am more than willing to lend my ears.

But yesterday’s “guess what mom” moment took me by surprise.

“Guess what Mom?” He asked as we started our walk.

( I have written it often, I really hate the guess what riddles)

“What?” I asked, expecting him to tell me that he got in to trouble at school again.

“We had a Spanish test yesterday and I had to write about my family” He said

“and?” I asked.

“It was the same test I had to write last year” He stopped walking and looked at me to see if I was getting what he was trying to tell me in riddles.. I hadn’t the slightest clue.

“And?” I asked again, a bit impatient this time

“Well, last year I wrote, my mom is tall and skinny and this year I wrote my mom is short and skinny” He was so happy to tell me that.

Yes, he is now taller than me !

The way his eyes sparkled, his sheepish grin and his excitement to reach another physical milestone..they are the joys of being a mother..these are the moments I will never forget..and that is why I make sure they can spend some alone time with me..

How fast two weeks went by and I missed updating my blog. Two sets of friends and family have come and gone and two more will arrive this weekend.

When I visited my mother the last time I went to India. She asked me ” Do your children still fight with each other?”

I was really puzzled by that question because I didn’t think my children fought with each other. Of course they have their squabbles, but I was very sure that they do not fight like my sisters and I did for my mother to ask me that kind of question. But then again, most of the first five years of my children’s life were a blur to me and I thought perhaps I am living in  denial..

Last week, Yaya gave her external hard drive to her youngest sister, so she could watch teen wolf episodes. But then something went wrong while baby was using the hard drive and it  stopped working. In it were all of Yaya’s school work and music collection. Most importantly, her 2000 words extended essay draft that is part of her IB curriculum which she needed to submit before the end of the week.

I am not sure why she didn’t print a copy of her essay draft, or even sent it by email to someone ( at least to herself..which I told her to do so many times to do)

Baby was distraught.

But what surprised me the most was how Yaya handled it. She came to me and told me “Mom, I lost everything on that hard drive”. I hugged her and offered to make her a cup of tea. ( like Sheldon Cooper, which always make my children smile). We had tea and cookies and she went back to her room to rewrite her essay..Not a single harsh word was said to her youngest sister..She understood that things like this happen and no one was at fault.

I could have made it worst for her by telling her off for not having saved her work. ( technically she did, she saved it on her external hard drive and assumed it would be fine)  I could have told her of for not letting her brother copy her music collection, which if she did, she wouldn’t have lost her entire music collection..all those hours and money spent copying the music..

But I remembered each time I made a mistake, how my mother made it worst for me by going over and over about how I could have avoided the disaster.. as if I wanted something bad to happen to me.

I read somewhere ” your past doesn’t have to dictate your present. It is not your past that defines you, it your reaction and current actions that define you the most”

So, yes, I had a miserable childhood, but it doesn’t mean that my children have to suffer..and no, I wasn’t living in denial,my children don’t fight with each other..they were not raised to hate each other.

I have four groups of friends and family visiting me the next 3 weeks. Worst part of is, I completely forgot that Yaya has her exam block ( final exams for grade 11) starting next week. ( Yeah, I know I am hopeless, how can I not know when my child has her final exam?)

My house is a mess..

Back paddock was levelled last week, weather is very hot and there is no rain, so I can’t turf the levelled area and the slightest wind brings a dust storm inside the house.

I have so much work to do as well.

So, I won’t have time to blog every day..

Take care.

Today my youngest has her violin exam.

All through the weekend, she was in a crabby mood. She practiced her exam song few times everyday. Last night she came to me and said

“Mom, what if I failed my violin exam?”

I told her ” if you think you are going to fail, chances are that you might, but if you think you are going to give your best shot and do it well, you might pass”

“But I am scared Mom” She replied

I told her, ” muthey, exams were invented to actually find out how effective the teacher was in teaching and not meant to make you scared. I think it should be the teacher who really ought to be stressed, not you.”

She looked at me incredulously, for only her mother can come up with such great words of wisdom.

I took some chocolates with me when I dropped her to school and gave her that and told her

” muthey, there is no point in getting stressed, it just make you feel awful, today is a beautiful day and you are going to give your best shot. The worst that can happen is that you failed, but it is not the end of the world. For me, what matters is that you gave your best shot. So enjoy your day and good luck”

She still looked stressed.. perhaps in time she will learn, success in exams alone do not define who you are or where you end up..

Btw, I would have liked to tell her that ” if you practiced properly everyday  instead of the half hearted practice you did, perhaps you wouldn’t be in this position”, but I know from my life’s experience that the last thing my child needs is for her mother to put her down when she is already suffering from her own guilt trip..So, I didn’t.

Sometimes, it means so much when you know there are people who care about you.

When Yaya was in Mexico, my youngest moved in to Yaya’s room and slept in Yaya’s bed. She has her own room and the only reason I think she did that was because she missed her sister. I was really concerned how my child will cope when Yaya leaves home next year. It occurred to me that I probably will have to move to US  and the same evening a friend asked me without any rhyme or reason “So when are you planning to move to US?” It felt like she read my mind !

Every year,  as we approach Christmas season, I miss my mother. I know another year has come and gone and that is one year less I will have with my mother. There is no chance that I will ever have any sort of relationship with my mother, however that doesn’t stop me from wishing if only..and I cope by cooking food that I associate with my mother. A reader send me the recipe of coconut chammanthi..very similar to what my mother makes. ( I am sorry, I haven’t replied to your email, I just don’t get enough time to do it)

Yesterday, due to various reasons, I was feeling a bit down and just needed to talk to someone..and  a friend in Mysore did just that. It felt so good to talk to someone..to know that there are people who care..

So here is a thank you to all of you..for all that you do..

Next week my youngest will play her last violin concert at her school and that event will finally end 5 years of tears and tantrums.

It all started in when she was in grade 3. She was chosen to learn violin at school. I remember how excited she was when she came home with the letter from the school music teacher that she was selected for the instrumental music program.

I also knew if she joined the music program, it will involve regular practicing and early morning lessons, so I explained to my child that I will only sign the parental consent, if she signs a declaration that she understands it is a long term project, that she has to practice everyday and that she will not be allowed to quit and must complete the full program ( until grade 7).

I also felt it is not fair to her music teacher, who really works hard to teach musical instruments to children who have never played violin/cello etc before and  most children quit when going gets tough and she can’t replace children half way.

I wanted to teach  my child about  commitment and not to be a quitter in the game of life. Signing up for violin lessons provided an opportunity for her to learn about commitment and 5 years was a really long time..

Grade 3 and grade 4 was alright. She practiced every evening. Grade 5, she felt learning violin is a waste of time and we began to have regular arguments. She wanted me to tell her what she would gain by learning to play violin and I told her very frankly that  perhaps her destiny is not going to be like Vanessa May, but sticking with the program will teach her a valuable life skill.  We argued passionately. She said how much she hated violin and  me I said I am sorry you feel that way, but you will still need to practice because you signed a declaration saying you will. And she did. ( grudgingly)

When she went for her high school interview, her interviewer noticed from her report that she is in the school musical program and asked her ” will you be continuing your violin lessons in high school?” and she replied very frankly ” not in this life time”

And that is that.