As I mentioned yesterday, I agreed to the surgery on 25th very reluctantly.
First of all I was sure that something was going to go terribly wrong and I was going to die. 25th is few days before my son’s birthday and I worried that for the rest of his life his birthday will be over shadowed by my death. ( Yes, I have a very fertile imagination and enjoy worrying about the most trivial things)
I didn’t want to scare my children with my worries.. so I had to pretend that it is a minor surgery and absolutely no big deal. So I didn’t talk anything much about the surgery to anyone. On 24th I told my classmates ” Oh btw, I am away the next 6 weeks”. Most of my classmates are doctors/health professionals and they looked stunned when I told them the reason for my absence. “You are pretty calm” They said. ( if only they could see inside of me..)
And then I wanted to speak to my mother. Last time I tried to phone her, she didn’t pick up the phone. ( She obviously was mad at me). There was no guarantee that she would answer the phone this time. Plus the fact that I chose this solo journey myself and really ought to stand on my own two feet. So, I didn’t talk to my mother.
I baked my son’s birthday cake on 24 th evening, after he went to bed. He loves cheesecake and I baked him a red velvet cheesecake with macadamia topping. I wondered if I would get to see my son cut the cake!
I had requested to be the first patient to undergo surgery and had to be at the hospital by 7 am. Children had to go to school. So I got breakfast ready a bit early. Yaya came to the kitchen, looking visibly upset and asked
“Mom, what are the chances that you would die?”
“None, not even a microscopic chance. You know your mother won’t take any unnecessary risks” I told her. She hugged me and I wondered if it is still possible to weasel out of the surgery. But I also knew that each month my dysmenorrhoea ( painful periods) was only going to get worst. I regretted not doing the surgery when the doctor suggested it last year..Yaya was only in grade 11 then..and now that she is in grade 12, she already has enough stress on her, without having to worry about her mother.
So, I said Bye to my children, promising them to let them know as soon the surgery is over, wondering if I would ever get to see them again..