Think of your old age

My mother is so stupid. There I said it.

All through my childhood and adulthood, her matra was “nee onnum enne nokkanda, enikku government pension kittum”

I don’t remember which movie, I heard this, but I think it was innocnet who said, “you can live all your life without anyone, but when you die, you will need at least four people to carry your body to the grave”

My mother never thought of her old age. How could she not think of her own old age and who would take care of her, even if she gets pension from the government? Money is not enough. You need a home and you need family.

My father is very wealthy and owned large tracts of land and Amma fought with him and ended up with nothing, despite being married to him for more than 40 years.

My sister owns a house in India and Amma stayed there for a while and created hell for my sister. She closed centuries old access road that people used to access their farming land and my sister had to sort it.

Amma bullied each and every one of the maids/farm workers my sister hired and they all left. She even got her aged care staff, hired specifically to take care of her to weed the field.

Few days ago when I called her, she mentioned that the aged care carer service provider had sent a new staff with her current carer to train the new staff and Amma fought with him. Apparently she doesn’t want to be the guinea pig. ( not sure what she meant)

My sister had enough. I don’t blame her

So, Amma is now going to be sent to an aged care facility somewhere in Kerala.

I am applying for the sponsored parent visa for her here. It will take time and I am actually scared. I can’t afford to stay home and take care of her. I have to earn and support my children while they are studying.

Once when Yaya was 9 or 10 years old, I scolded her for something and she looked at me and told me

“I want you to remember that as your oldest child, it is going to be me who will choose your retirement home, so be careful)

That particular day, there was an article in Vancouver Sun that a man had been collecting his mother’s pension and carer allowance and was keeping the old woman in his untreated garage in Toronto. Yaya and I talked about that incident prior to her telling me off.

The truth is, my children love me. But it is also true that what goes round does in fact come around.

Treat your children well, they might still be there for you in your old age.

Also, at least make sure you have enough funds to take care of yourself in your old age. Invest in a home and in your retirement.

Updates on the war

As I mentioned, currently I am on a war path with my youngest. it wasn’t something I wanted, but this cannot be avoided.

Basically the only contact we have is when I pick her up if she is working late. That is it.

Yesterday we had a massive storm here and most of the roads went under. It took me almost an hour to get home after work.

She texted me to say that she is thinking of heading out for bowling.

The mother in me wanted to tell her that when it rains like this, the chances are very high that public transport will not work and that you are going to be spending a great deal of time on the road. The sensible thing to do when it rains is to stay at home. But I felt she was not asking me for an opinion, but telling me her plans. So i didn’t say anything.

Sometime around 9 p.m. she sent a txt to tell me that her friend is dropping her home around 11 p.m.

She is going to Uni soon and I will not be in control of her life as in who she is going out with or when she is coming back home. For all intent and purpose she is an adult and I need to treat her as one.

The mother in me wanted to cook something for her and stay up. But I also have a full day of work the next day and I was already dead tired. So, I went to bed. I know that is probably a bit reckless on my part, I mean not waiting for her and ensure that she got home safe and sound. But there comes a time, I need to take a step back.

This morning when i got up, the first thing I did was to check her room to ensure that she got back home. She did. Ohew

I also noticed that my Dosai Pan was still on the hob, so she probably made pancake or something like that. I felt a bit bad. But this is what she wanted and this is what she gets.

Independence comes with a price.

Meanwhile, I bought myself a Piano. I plan to give my neighbours sleepless nights.

My Pomegranate fruited

Remember sometime in 2013, I wrote about planting a pomegranate tree?

The past few years the tree did fruit a bit. But the fruits were all small and didn’t survive. This year, the tree decided to be merciful. It is laden with fruits and most of it is edible.

If you know anything about how to take care of the pomegranate tree, let me know.

I don’t know how to protect it from ants and when to actually harvest the fruit. Currently, it is a hit and miss.

Changes

I spoke with my mother yesterday and during our conversation she had asked me “how is my grandson”

When Amma was staying with me, she has seen that my son always calls me up on Sunday mornings and I told Amma that he didn’t call yesterday.

Amma asked :How come?” and I replied ” Ma, he sent a message that he is in Montreal attending some racing” ( My son didn’t even tell me that he is going to Montreal and I have no idea what racing he went to, while talking to Amma, I googled all the races in Montreal and I am assuming that my son did the Baja Montreal)

My mother’s response was ” He is a boy and he should live his life doing things he likes to do”

Now that is a statement you would never expect to hear from my mother. Many of you know what she made me go through when I was living with her. I couldn’t resist but ask her

“Amma, how come, you are all understanding and nice now when I, as your daughter had to go through hell”

She replied ” When you were young, I didn’t know how to raise all of you, clearly I have harmed you all. Now I know better”

And to top the icing of the cake, she also said ” that is why I didn’t react when your son brought his gf home and they slept in the same room”

I guess there are few things I should point out.

Damages my mother inflicted will never go away and will always be with me. But it made me a better mother. She had a chance to see the fruits of her labour ( the good, the bad the terribly ugly ones)

The only consolation that I have is that I have not continued with the abuses.