Morning from Hell

This morning was nothing short of the one from Hell.
It was free dress day at school. ( They don’t have to wear uniform, but need to donate a gold coin for not wearing a uniform.. ie fundraising in a new form).

It took two phone calls to her friend before my daughter decided what she was going to wear.
20 after 8, I saw her coming out of her room in a faded black half pant and a kiddie t shirt that had whales and dolphins on it.
Since I had the misfortune to wear a night gown ( a flimsy cream colour cotton gown with pink and yellow colour tiny rose buds on the yoke which was a gift from one of those Dubai cousins and my mother insisted was a dress and made me wear with a petticoat and an under skirt underneath) to the morning Pentecostal Sunday school in Kanjikuzhy and therefore having to walk in front of the railway cutting( why in the world it was called cutting is something I never knew). However I will never forget the sarcastic comment from one wise lady who was fetching water from the common pipe near the bridge.
entha kochey kalathu thuni maran maranno?”
It was only 7.30 at that time and between the choice of walking back home or going to the sunday school, I being the idiot chose to attend the sunday school as I didn’t want to lose my point for not attending sunday school that day. I can still remember the snickering that I had to endure.
But that wasn’t the end.
At 8.30 AM when the sunday school was over, I still had to walk back home, again passing the railway cutting..only this time there were not only women, but also men and how they laughed!!!! and how I wanted the earth to open and swallow me. I had promised myself then that when I have children I will never do anything that will humiliate them.
So I told my daughter that she shouldn’t wear the faded black pant and kiddie t shirt to school. She is in grade 7 and her friends would mock her.

Well, if you don’t know what someone means when they say all hell broke loose, then read on.
She started howling saying she has no clothes, I mean NO clothes to wear.
Just day before yesterday her grandmother send her 3 new tops with matching leggings. ( her grandmother spend 84 USD to send all the stuff to her by courier). Her grandmother also bought her 2 new jeans and few tops in December. Her closet is overflowing with clothes. But alas, she had no clothes to wear.
jeans made her sweaty.
Shorts made her sweaty.
T-shirts made her sweaty
and I yelled.
She slammed the door!
The rule is you have to vacate the room if you slam the door and when I reminded her that, more screaming, more tears and some more screaming.
Then I swore.
Then she wore jeans and a t-shirt.
Then she wore and miniskirt, leggings and a t-shirt.
When I was about to leave ( trust me I am obsessed with time and I leave exactly at 8.30) I saw her coming out of her room wearing her school uniform.
I wanted to kill her.
Here she is, in grade 7. her senior year at elementary school and when all the kids in year 7 practically waits for a free dress day so they can show off, mine wants to wear her uniform!
I told her, not to bother going to school.
She told me she finds it very difficult to live with me and can’t wait to leave home.
Then I told her that she is as unlucky as I am. I never had decent clothes to wear. My mother was forever saving money so never spend money on clothes for us. ( I had to wear the white shirt that was part of my school uniform with all my skirts) She is unlucky because she has clothes and still don’t get to wear. I told her that you need that line on your head called “thaleyvara” and I am morphing in to my mother, because that is what she told me always. thaleyvara venam!!!

She finally wore the mini skirt, leggings and a nice top. But I feel horrible.

I checked the dictionary for “Cutting”and it says An excavation made through high ground in a construction project.. prbably why it was called cutting.

Finally !!!

Well there is nothing that can be considered Finally. is there?
I always knew life is like a circle and at some stage you do end up where you left. Nah, not started..where you left.

My mom has moved in with me and with that my world has changed totally, absolutely, certainly and completely.
When one become a parent one would not think of the future where your children will divide you. My mother certainly never thought and never imagined that her children would one day decide her future.
My sisters had enough of her meddling ways and are keen to send her to an old age home.
I can’t.
I won’t.
So she is with me.
Before she came, my life was very organized.
I had friends for coffee most evening after school.
Friends of my children came over to my house every day.
My pots and pans were exactly where I kept them.

Now my friends are hesitant to come to my place. ( My mom won’t even say Hi to my friends and when they ask her something, she pretends she didn’t hear them)
She stand next to the my kids’ friends when they are having cookies that I baked for them, so they won’t eat more than one cookie.
My children’s friends are scared to come over and play at my place.

She helps me by putting my pots and pans away from the dish washer and I spend the better part of the morning hunting for the spatula, cutting board etc etc. I had told her many times that I will put the dishes away. But she does wake up before me and she wants to help me. ( I have no intention of waking up at 4 AM!)

So here I am.. trying to be a daughter, when all I want is to run far far far away.
But the love that I have for her will not let me.