It felt so good!
The fact that I successfully managed to dodge Arjun and also that I would pass Pathology internals. One Brownie point for Nina. I congratulated myself.
Now all I have to worry about was passing Microbiology internals. I took my microbiology notes from the table and adjusted the pillow on my bed. I might as well not waste any time and start revising.
I liked microbiology and I was confident I would pass the exam. If only Dr. Murthy let me rewrite Pharmacology exam.
Dr. Murthy! Oh no. I checked my watch!
I was supposed to see him at lunchtime that meant before he went for his lunch. I didn’t want to get in to trouble for being late, not when I was already in trouble for handing in an empty answer sheet.
I quickly closed the door. I didn’t bother to waste my time to lock the door. Anyway Aparna and Shylaja should be back in a few minutes. I ran all the way back to the Pharmacology dept.
A part of me wanted divine intervention, anything that would save me from the trouble I was in.
‘You made your bed, now you must lie on it’ Sensible one spoke
Who said that? I wondered
Oh Charles Dickens! I wanted to give myself another brownie point for remembering whose quote was that. I would have, if I didn’t notice who was waiting at the dept lobby.
pada pedichu panthalathu chennapol
pantham koluthi pada panthalathu
(sorry, don’t know how to translate)
“Where were you?” Arjun asked
“Huh? What are you doing here?” I asked
We both stared at each other.
“He wanted to see both of us together” Arjun pointed to Dr’ Murthy’s door
“Who?” I wasn’t sure what exactly was Arjun trying to say
“Dr. Murthy” Arjun spoke and I noticed he was frowning
I thought of telling him that you use more facial muscles to frown than when you smile. He was surely going to have plenty of wrinkles by the time he finished medicine.
“Come, let us go” Arjun spoke.
Arjun knocked at the door and I heard Dr.Murthy saying
“Come in”
“Wait” I held Arjun’s hand to prevent him from opening the door. I needed answers
“Why does he want to see both of us?” I asked
“How do I know?” Arjun sounded irritated
I let go his hands when I realized what I have done.
We both walked in.
“Good afternoon sir” Arjun greeted him
“Good afternoon sir” I didn’t want to get in to trouble for not greeting the professor.
He looked at both of us, and then took some papers from the side of the desk.
“You are Arjun right?” he asked Arjun
“Yes sir”
“And you are Nina?”
“Yes sir” I whispered. I was so stressed that I could hardly speak.
“You know I have been teaching pharmacology for well over 15 years and I never once had a student hand in an empty answer sheet. This time I have not one, but two students who got the total sum score of zero.”
” And madam” Dr. Murthy was looking at me.” you have been scoring above 90% for all the class exams and what happened this time?”
“Sir, that is” I was stammering. I suddenly didn’t know what to say.
“Sir, she just came back that morning from Dubai” Arjun spoke on my behalf.
Dr. Murthy turned his head towards Arjun.
I knew where this was going. I knew Dr.Murthy would ask Arjun “did I ask you to talk?”
I stared at Arjun, hoping he can read my eyes and understand that he needs to shut up. Instead of understanding my instructions, He smiled lovingly when he saw me staring.
Dr. Murthy was looking at both of us. I knew it was time I said goodbye to all my future PG entrance exam aspirations. Dr. Murthy was surely going to blacklist both of us.
“And sir, why did you not write the exam? Did you go to Dubai as well?”
“No sir. I didn’t go to Dubai sir” Arjun answered
“Then?” Dr. Murthy asked
“Sir, that is because” It was Arjun’s turn to stammer. He turned his head to look at me.
I looked down quickly. ‘No, No, I am not going to bail you out. You can answer the question yourself.’ I told myself
“How long has this been going on?” Dr. Murthy asked
“What sir?”
“Both of you” Dr.Murthy pointed his finger and moved it back and forth.
Both of us didn’t answer.
“Does your parents know?”
“Yes sir” Arjun mumbled
“They are ok with you both, you know what I am asking, No?”
I knew what Dr. Murthy was asking.
From our names, Dr. Murthy would have known that Arjun is a Hindu and I am a Christian. National integration was something that depended mostly on religious acceptance.
“Yes sir.” Arjun replied
“Hmm” Dr. Murthy mumbled
“So what should I do with your marks?” Dr. Murthy asked
I wasn’t sure what Dr. Murthy had in mind. If he was going to ask me to get the answer sheet singed by Amma, then it was ok. I have been signing on Amma’s behalf from the beginning! If he were going to ask me to meet the Princy, then that would be a big problem.
I looked at Dr.Murthy with a pleading eye. Please sir, ask me to get my parent’s signature. It was much easier than meeting the devil!.
“Tell you what, I won’t use the marks from this exam for the internals. But you must promise me that both of you will work hard and write the next internals in December well. Do you understand that?”
“Yes sir” We both replied
“And also, both of you need to understand that, It is nice to be in love, but your studies come first. Do you understand that?”
“Yes sir” We both replied
I felt as though someone had taken the whole lot of weight that was on my shoulder. I felt I could almost float. Only thing that was missing was a pair of wings!
“Thank you sir” Arjun spoke
“Thank you sir” I didn’t want to be the ungrateful one
Dr.Murthy nodded his head.

I could see Arjun standing outside the gallery as I reached the library. I knew he was waiting outside to speak to me. Probably to yell at me for not telling him that i was going back early. He would have gone to my house to pick me up this morning!
I didn’t want to talk to him. I checked my watch. I had another 10 minutes before the exam starts. Should I face him now or after the exam?
It wasn’t a very difficult decision.
I walked in to the library. I didn’t feel like grabbing a text book and do last minute revision. What can I learn in 10 minutes? I took the Deccan Herald paper from the stand and found a place to sit.
“Don’t you have internal exam today?” I heard someone asking and I turned to look.
Seema, also known as the the world’s best walking gossip column was staring at me. She had few textbooks and a note pad in her hand. She has been writing part 2 pathology for the last three semesters. Technically she is supposed to be a super senior. But since she was doing pathology part 2, I wasn’t sure if I should call her Madam?
“Yep” I nodded my head
“And you are reading newspaper before the exam?”
I looked at her trying to see why reading the newspaper in the morning was such a big crime.
I watched the corner of her mouth turning in to a scowl.
“influence and money can get you anywhere eh?” She didn’t even bother to wait for a reply.
If there is an award for the world’s biggest idiot, I should be the one who gets it. I was pretty sure of it.
Why am I never politically right? If I had taken any damn text book from the shelf and pretended to read, everything would have been fine. instead I chose to read a newspaper! that too 10 minutes before the exam!
Influence and money, what a joke that was.
If only Seema knew, what all I have to go through to protect myself from the influence of George. If only she knew how I struggled financially.
But what was the point? By sunset today everyone in the hostel would know that I was reading the newspaper before the internal exam and when the results are announced everyone would try to guess if I got the question paper in advance? or if I slept with the professors to pass.
There was no chance in hell that I could have worked hard and studied!

I must have been a murderer in my last life. This was all my karma returning the favours owed.
I kept the newspaper back on the stand and walked towards the gallery.
Arjun was still outside but his back was turned against me and I quickly climbed the stairs outside, to the second floor hoping gallery back door was open.
The door was open and I walked inside and sat at the back of the gallery.
Few minutes later I saw the professor Rajan Ramasamy entering the class followed by a group of students.
Arjun looked worried and I noticed him walking to Aparna and asking something. Aparna turned and looked at the back and I saw Aparna pointing her thumb to the back and Arjun looked up. The worried look was replaced by anger.
“Good morning students” Professor Rajan Ramasamy spoke.
I could sense Arjun contemplating if he should find a place to sit or walk up the stairs and wring my neck.
“Dr. Arjun, sit down” Professor was looking at Arjun
“Yes sir” Arjun nodded his head and found a place to sit. Arjun sat at the aisle seat and he turned to look at me again. I pretended I didn’t see him looking at me. I was concentrating on what Professor Rajan Ramasamy was saying!
Professor passed the question paper and I did a quick glance at the two main questions. I knew the answer for both. Phew! I sighed.
I took my pen and started to write.
My hands ached by the time I finished writing the answers to both the main questions.
The thing was I knew I had written all the points and that I will get full marks. Which meant I will surely pass the exam.
Do I have to attempt the rest of the short questions when I know I will pass the test? Do I really have to waste my energy? I never liked patho anyway!
I could walk off handing in the paper now, but that would mean Arjun might do the same. So I sat there and watched everyone writing the exam. Most of the girls were busy writing, while trying to cover their answer with their hand so no one can copy, while most of the boys were blatantly trying to copy each other’s answer.
Jyothi was sitting right in front of me and she kept on adjusting her legs and her salwar. What was she trying to do? Why was she wriggling so much? Then she lifted her right leg a bit and I understood why she was wriggling. She had written important points on her salwar pajama using ball point pen and was struggling to read the answers.
Every time the professor came near us she would put her leg down and adjust the salwar top to cover the writings While I would pretend that I was checking my answers to see if there was any mistake.
10 minutes before the bell rang, I saw that Arjun was busily writing and I took my answer sheet and quickly walked down the step and gave the sheets to professor Rajan Ramasamy and walked out quickly. I ran all the way back to the hostel. I didn’t want to talk to Arjun. I wanted to run as far away from him as possible.

We are in the midst of another snow storm.
Unlike Eastern Canada where a snow storm is every day occurrence and people are prepared for it, for us in the west coast few Cm’s of snow can create havoc.
My friend will not be able to leave her home because irresponsible house owners near her house refuse to shovel the walk way. (People rather pay 50 $ fine for not shovelling than worry about clearing the side walk so a blind lady can send her child to school.)
It frustrates me so much to see how selfish we all have been.
If only we could place ourselves in the shoes of those who are not so able like us.
After school, baby and I are going to shovel. So I won’t have time to update.
Rant over.

Campus was rather quiet when I got back. Not many students were at the canteen and the library looked packed.It wasn’t surprising. Super senior batch would be writing final year part 1 next month and the stress factor was obvious. Everyone was doing the last minute studying.
My heart felt heavy when I realized that is everyone except Beautiful Eyes. I knew he didn’t have enough attendance this year and the college wouldn’t let him write the exam.
I wanted to be able to go and smack his head and tell him that, it is high time he took his studies seriously. Try as I might to think everything is normal, I couldn’t totally ignore the jittery feeling in my heart. What if Nikhil told Beautiful Eyes about me and Arjun?
No, nothing will happen. He knows the truth.’ I told myself.
Still I looked for his bike at the bike stand. I needed to talk to him.
‘Please lord, please let him call me’. I pleaded in my heart.
‘No, No. No. That is not right. I take that back Lord. I am sorry for asking you for a favour.,I am becoming a hypocrite. I shouldn’t be coming to you, just when I need help. I am sorry Lord’

I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. I also didn’t want divine retribution either. All I wanted was to marry Beautiful eyes and live happily ever after. But now more than ever I was worried. My actions and divine retribution could work against everything that I ever hoped for and wanted. For a second I regretted walking away from the Lord. I could hear Anitha speaking “God will punish you” over and over. I said then that I will deal with it when it comes. I was no longer sure if I could deal with it, if the punishment was breaking up with the love of my life.
Although his bike wasn’t at the stand, I wanted to make sure he wasn’t in the canteen. So I walked towards the canteen and did a quick scan inside. There were few students inside, but Beautiful eyes wasn’t there. With a heavy heart I I walked back to my hostel.
Shylaja and Aparna was in the room.
How come Shylaja was in the room? Didn’t she go back home? I wondered. I placed my bag on the bed.
“How come you came back early?” Aparna asked
I thought of telling her that this tiny hostel room with three beds inside and hardly any space to move was anytime better than my home. Besides here I would get three meals a day, which would be a luxury in my house. But I knew Aparna wouldn’t believe me. truth was stranger than fiction, No?
“I wanted to borrow some books from the library” I lied
“Doctor Murthy wanted you to see him at lunch time tomorrow” Shylaja spoke. Her tone sounded funny. So I turned and looked at her
“Have you met his wife? She is a very nice lady” Shylaja spoke while looking at me in the eyes.
“No, I haven’t” I replied. “Did he say why he wanted to see me?”
I knew why Dr. Murthy wanted to see me. He probably was going to give me an earful for handing in an empty answer sheet.
Shylaja shrugged her shoulder as though it was a known secret why Dr. Murthy wanted to see me. She went back to study. I looked at Aparna. She too quickly looked down to start reading her book.
I wasn’t sure what was going on and I didn’t feel like staying in the room. So I took my book and walked out. Why was my roommates behaving so strangely? Then I remembered Shylaja asking
“Have you met his wife?”
Suddenly I understood.
There was no redemption for me, was there?
Everyone thinks I pass the exams because I was sleeping with all the professors. I wanted to scream. This was all George’s doing. He was destroying me. Even though I was far away from him, his poisonous tentacles were all around me.
That Bastard knew, I was a better student than his daughter. That is why in the first year itself he wrote those anonymous letter and said that I passed the exams because I was sleeping with the professors. He knew those comments would follow me like a pack of rabid dogs through out my studies. Bastard.
NO. I won’t let you destroy me George. I clenched my fist. NO George, you will not succeed. I am Methran Thambi’s grand daughter and I will survive.

Can you help me?

With my pea sized brain, I am just not able to fix my children’s computer monitor. The devils were playing with the monitor control and now I am left with a monitor that displays images as nothing but a dark rectangle. ( Yaya wants to add, some images are square shaped!)
I have tried the brightness contrast thingy. No luck.
Can anyone tell me how to fix this?Oh, I also tried to run the free Nokia software that is supposed to fix monitor troubles. I had more trouble after I tried to use that..
Please tell me what I should do?

I knew Arjun would come on Monday morning to pick me up before going to college. I also knew he expected me to behave as though nothing happened and pretend that everything is fine. I was sick and tired of being nice. I packed my bags on Sunday evening
“Why are you going back now? You can go back tomorrow morning No?” Amma asked
“I want to discuss and study Amma”
“Did you let Arjun know?”
“Know what?”
“That you are going back today?”
“Why should I let him know Amma? Is he my guardian or what?” I was so angry with Amma
“Why are you screaming?” It was Amma’s turn to yell
“One minute you are angry with me because you thought I want to marry Arjun and the next minute you are asking me if I told Arjun that I am going back early. You really need to make up your mind Amma”
Ninakku vatta, muzhu vatta ( you are mad)” Amma replied
“It runs in the family No? Why didn’t you investigate if there is any history of madness before you decided to marry my innocent father?”
There was an absolute moment of silence. A clear indication that Amma was lost for words and in other words, I won. I used her owns words to get back at her. I also said my innocent father! I knew there was not an iota of innocence in my father. Still it felt good to tell Amma that compared to her, Appa was any time better. I took a deep breath and tried to capture the moment of victory.
“Nee orikkalum konam pidikkathilledi ( you will never do well in your life)”
It was the same old ace card, always used at the right moment hoping to inflict as much damage as humanly possible. I knew my mother’s the curses don’t work.
But still! I was going back to write second year part 1 internals. I had already handed in an empty Pharmacology answer sheet. I didn’t want to fail patho and micro.
I looked at Amma to see why she was cursing me like this? What excatly have I done so wrong?
Yes I do talk back, but that is all. I still take good care of Amma and my sisters don’t I?
Amma was waiting for an eye contact. She pointed her index finger at me and whispered
“Mark my words Nina, you will never do well in your life” Amma cursed
“Go to hell Amma. Go to freaking fucking hell” I yelled
Liza who was until that moment sitting on the chair and watching TV suddenly got up and ran to where I was standing and held me hand
“What did you say Nina? You think you are smart eh? You want to cuss in this house eh?”
“Let go off my hand” I yelled
“No, I want you to answer me” Liza was squeezing and hurting my hand
“Let go off my hand” I started to push her
“You are pushing me?”
In an instant my sister let go off my hand and used all her energy and pushed me. I lost my balance and hit my head on the wall.
My head hurt and I started to rub my head, hoping there won’t be any swelling.
“Leave her money, She is not worth wasting your energy.” Amma took Liza’s hand and walked to the kitchen.
Sally was standing by the bedroom door and watching us. I looked at my baby sister. I so very much wanted her to have a normal life. I watched my sister looking at Amma and Liza and then she looked at me. I tried to smile, tried to tell her that I am sorry for the fight. She just shook her head and went back to her room and slammed the door.
I knew I could have stopped this fight from escalating to this level. I knew I shouldn’t have cussed. I knew I should go and apologize to Amma.
I took my bag and gently closed the door after me.
I waited for the bus in front of the temple. My head was still hurting. I checked to see if there was any swelling. There was a small swelling and it was tender.
I hated Liza for hurting me like this. I was her older sister. Even if she didn’t want to respect me, she didn’t have to hurt me. I did everything for her. Everything!
There were plenty of traffic on the road. From far the headlights on the buses looked like the eyes of a demon. some of the buses were so overcrowded that it was dangerously leaning to one side and I imagined a demon walking with a limp. Then I noticed the people standing on the foot board. They were the arm of the demon. Poor Demon, it only had one arm. One armed demon with a limp.
What if I just jump in front of one of the buses? Would the demon eat me alive?
‘Stop Nina, stop thinking like that’ Sensible one whispered
‘You don’t know anything. You tell me,what is the point in living?’ I asked
‘The point is, You have a bright future Nina’
‘Ha!’ It was my turn to laugh.
‘What future are you talking about? What future do I have? I have destroyed everything haven’t I?’
‘No, you haven’t’ Sensible one spoke
I didn’t reply. I so very badly wished what she said was true. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to see Beautiful Eyes. I hoped to see him at the college. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted him to save me from the mess I got myself in to. I wanted to pass the exams. I wanted Amma to forgive me for cussing. There were so many things I wanted.
‘I am not asking much am I? I am not asking for a mansion or a car or a diamond necklace. I am just asking/praying that Beautiful Eyes won’t break up with me. I can always ask Amma for forgiveness, but what would I do if i lose Beautiful Eyes?

I so very badly wanted to read a novel, just to take my mind off from all that was bothering me. I contemplated if I should study or read a novel. I felt anyway I was going to fail Pharmacology exam, so what difference would it make if I pass Patho and Micro? Right?
I chose to read a novel. I knew Amma would be mad if she found me reading a novel instead of studying and I knew I should hide the novel inside my text book and read.
But I had enough of hiding.
From now on I am going to be honest in everything I do or say. I promised myself.
I took the novel and lay down on my bed to read. Every now and then I noticed Amma walking therey parey ( ?Across)the room and I knew she would notice the novel in my hand and it would freak her out.
I mentally prepared myself for the war.
Ka mate, ka mate! ka ora! ka ora!
Ka mate! ka mate! ka ora! ka ora!
(I may die, I may die! or I may live, I may live.)
Haka Chant
I intended to tell my Amma that it is my life and I will live it the way I want to. If wanted to read a novel the day before my exams, I will. I am old enough to vote in this country and I am old enough to decide what I want to do with my life.
I waited and waited for Amma to yell at me.
But nothing happened.
May be Amma didn’t notice the novel in my hand.
Eventually, I realized that I was reading the same sentence over and over. I felt incredibly stupid for the way I was behaving.
I better study, I told myself and was just about to get up when Amma came and stood next to my bed. Instantly I tried to hide the novel under my blanket. I had forgotten all about Ka Mate Ka Mate, Ka Ora Ka Ora.
I looked at Amma to see if she noticed me hiding the novel.
“Why are you trying to hide the novel?” Amma asked
“You saw?” I asked her sheepishly
“You think I am blind?” Amma asked
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Why should I? It is your life! What difference would it make to me if you pass or fail? eh?” Amma shrugged her shoulders.
I didn’t reply.
Few moments ago I wanted to fight with her and tell her that it is my life and I will do what ever I want, yet when Amma showed absolutely no interest in my life, I was lost.
I wanted her to. I was her daughter. I wanted her to show interest in my life.
I didn’t know why I was feeling this way. I looked at Amma again to see if she understood what I was going through. She didn’t seem to.
“Did Appa say anything about your sisters?” Amma asked
“Like what?” I asked
“Did he ask anything about Chechy?”
“Anything about Acha?”
“hmm” Amma sighed
I wasn’t sure of that was a sigh of relief. I looked at her eyes to see if I could read her mind. There was no expression on her face. My mother always had a stoic face and I never knew when she was happy or sad.
Amma turned to walk back to the kitchen, then I remembered something
“Amma, Appa agreed to pay for Sally’s school fees”
“huh? How?”
“I told him it is better that Sally study in Bangalore”
“You told him she is studying in Bangalore? How could you be so stupid Nina?” Amma was yelling
“Can you listen to the whole thing before you scream at me?” I yelled
Amma was silent for a moment and was staring at me. Before she started the next session of yelling, I spoke
“I told him, now that all three of us are in Bangalore, it is better that Sally too study here. Then Appa asked where she would stay. I knew Appa would be happy if Sally didn’t stay with you, so I told him, I can get a paying guest accommodation for her in Bangalore”
“And your father believed you?”
Only then I realized what I had done. My heart felt so heavy thinking of what I had done to my own father. I had lied to him before, but never cheated him. I knew Appa was never going to forgive me when he eventually learned the truth. I didn’t want to be a liar and cheat like Amma. But I was turning out to be one.
I just wanted my darn life to give me a chance to undo all the damages I was inflicting on everyone around me. But there was no redemption for me, was there?
I am supposed to take care of a mother and two sisters. How was I supposed to do that when I had no income?
I hated Ammachi, Appa, Amma and Maria. If each of them did what they were supposed to do, at least I could have lived my life without worrying about my karma.
But more than everyone else, I hated the me, the liar and the two timing bitch.

I had noticed from the time I got off the bike that Nikhil was staring at me.
“Nikhil bhaiyya, This is Nina” Arjun introduced. He just nodded his head and said hello.He continued to sit on the railings. I wasn’t sure if Nikhil knew about Beautiful Eyes and me. What do I tell him?
I looked at him hoping I could read his eyes. Our eyes met and he looked away immediately. I had no idea what he was thinking.
All I wanted to do was to clarify the fact that Arjun wasn’t my boyfriend.There were so many instances I had the chance to tell everyone that Arjun wasn’t my boyfriend. Like when Anil Kumar, super senior from Gujarat asked
“Nina how did your family react when they knew you are dating a hindu guy, that too a conjuced marwadi?”
I wanted to say I am not dating a Marwadi, but when I looked at Arjun and noticed how happy he was at that moment, I couldn’t simply take away that happiness he had. I couldn’t simply embarrass him in front his friends.
I could always explain to Beutiful eyes this was all a mistake, but could Arjun walk with his head held high, if I tell his friends the truth?
Don’t I owe him that much after all that he has done for me and my family?
I hated being obligated to anyone. If Amma hadn’t gone to Arjun’s house, perhaps none of this would have happened. Arjun wouldn’t have felt the need to take care of me and protect me.
‘Nina, stop blaming your mother for everything. Weren’t you two timing Arjun before Amma went to his house?’ Sensible one admonished me
‘Shut up. You won’t understand anything’ I hissed
‘Ha!’ She laughed
But there was some truth in what the sensible one spoke. Wasn’t there? I never told Arjun even once that I was not in love with him. I was afraid then like I am now that I would hurt his feelings.
I didn’t understand why everyone was staring at me. Then I heard Arjun speak
“She is very shy Anil bhaiyya. Actually her folks are pretty cool. They didn’t mind at all that I am a Marwari” Arjun spoke
‘Pretty cool? My family? You have no idea.’ I thought of telling that to Arjun. But it was still not the right time to say so
Chalo, let us go. the movie would start any minute now” Anil Kumar checked his watch and spoke
“We didn’t buy ticket” I spoke
“Oh Nina, Don’t worry about that. Arjun had already given us money to buy the ticket. See!” Anil Kumar took the tickets out from his pocket and showed. “Your man is very efficient. No?” Anil Kumar asked
I didn’t want to answer. I smiled instead.
“Come” Arjun held me by waist and started to walk towards the theatre
‘Don’t touch me’ I wanted to scream. But the words never came out. I pushed Arjun’s hand away. He was staring at me, then he started to laugh
“Oh Nina, don’t worry They won’t mind if I hold you” Arjun pointed to his friends.”You don’t have to feel shy. Everyone know that you are my girl friend”
Arjun tried to hold my hand.
“no” I spoke finally mustering enough courage to speak what is on my mind.
“ok, ok” Arjun spoke. He was still laughing. “My God Nina, you are so shy”
I didn’t bother to reply.
I didn’t know how was I going to gt out of this mess. But I knew I will have to tell Arjun the truth. I couldn’t ell him before the exams. I didn’t want to be the reason he failed the patho and micro. Already he failed Pharmacology because of me. His family depended on him to finish medicine and start earning money.
I will tell him after the microbiology exams. I had to
Meanwhile I hoped Beautiful Eyes would have enough common sense to know that this was all lies. He knows how much I love him, doesn’t he?
He knows. I knew he knows.
I stared at the images in the screen. I had no idea what I was watching and was just so relieved when the ,movie finally got over.
“So what is your plans?” One of the seniors asked Arjun
Arjun looked at me
“I have to go back home. I don’t want to be late” I spoke
“ok” Arjun nodded his head
“You guys carry on, I will drop her home and will come back”
I heard them discuss which pub is better.
I just wanted to go home, so I walked towards Arjun’s bike and stood next to it, hoping he would understand that it is getting late.
Finally Arjun said his bye and walked towards me
“Why didn’t you stay with me there?” Arjun asked
I shrugged my shoulders
“You are my girlfriend, you have to stand with me” he spoke
“Can we go now?” I asked him
“Why are you so mad?”
“Because my mother would eat my brain , if I am late”
“But you are with me Nah?”
“Never mind” Arjun got on his bike and started it. He accelerated the bike even before I had a chance to sit properly. I had to hold him to get my balance. When I realized what I had just done, I took my hands off immediately and started to hold the sides of the seat to get my balance.
He didn’t even apologize.
He rode the bike like a maniac, zipping over every single speed breaker.
I was just so angry with him for the way he was acting. When he stopped in front of my house, I got off quickly and opened the gate
He could go to hell for all I care. I had no intention of saying bye to a rude and arrogant person.
I opened the door to Find Amma and Liza standing near the kitchen door
nee avaney kettan ullla paripadi aa Are you going to marry him?”
“See Amma. see how innocent she is acting” Liza spoke
I had no idea what my mother and my sister was talking about. My head was still full of anger and remorse for trying to protect the feelings of a moron like Arjun
“I asked Are you going to marry Arjun?” Amma asked this time in English
“No” I replied
kalli, pacha kalli (liar, big time liar) Amma was screaming.
I knew it wasn’t the ideal moment for Tharuthala (talk back). But I had enough of everyone. So I asked
pazhutha kalli illarunno?”
“You are talking back? How old are you? You should be ashamed of yourself”
Amma spoke
“She is right Nina” It was Liza’s turn to be a goody good two shoes
I didn’t respond. I wanted to be able to go to my room and shut the door and get away from everyone. But that was the problem. I had no room.
My head was splitting and my mother was bent up on making my headache worst.
“Have you thought about your sisters? Who would marry them if you marry Arjun? How could you be so selfish Nina?”
“Then why did you go to Arjun’s house and borrow money Amma?”
Pinney njan enna cheyyana?” (Whatelse could I do?)” Amma asked
pinney njan enna cheyyana Amma?” I asked her. Hoping she would know the trouble that she had put me in to. But I knew my Amma considered herself to be a paragon of virtues. She could never do anything wrong. She only had the best interest of her children at all times! What was I trying to prove?

After enduring weeks of snow, freezing rain and strong wind, the sun has finally decided to shine…
It is such a beautiful day today… and I am sure I would be forgiven for going out for a walk in the woods behind my house and not updating my blog..