All these years whenever I told a Christian that I didn’t believe in Christianity, he or she would go berserk. I would be threatend that I need to repent right away or I will suffer the wrath of hell, or I would be called a traitor.
Everyone has hundreds of reasons why I should believe in Christianity and they list out all the merits of Christianity.
No one ever asked me if I don’t believe in Christianity, then what do I believe in?
No one until now.
Dr Bhatti was looking at me and I asked him
“Do we need to believe in something sir?”
Dr. Bhatti didn’t answer right away. he was busy eating dosai. He finished eating the dosai and then he used the spoon and ate the remaining sambar in the bowl. Then he got up to wash his hands.
I ate my dosai quickly and hoped Babu will come and collect the plates before Dr. Bhatti returns. There was no way I was going to drink the sambar and I didn’t want Dr. Bhatti to notice that I wasted food.

I watched Dr. Bhatti walking back to out table while wiping his hand on the hand kerchief.
He was going to see the sambar in the bowl.
I didn’t want to face him. So I got up to go and wash my hand.
I didn’t have any handkerchief. I looked around to see if anyone was watching me. There wasn’t. So I wiped my hand on my salwar and then walked back to our table.

“We all believe in something” Finally Dr. Bhatti spoke.
“Not necessarily sir. Atheist don’t believe in God”
I wondered when Dr. Bhatti would realize that I have an MA degree? Masters in Argument!
“Are you sure?”
“Of course Sir. Athiest don’t believe in God. They believe they are responsible for their own actions”
Dr.Bhatti looked at me and grinned.
It took me a few seconds to realize how deep the hole I dug and got myself in to.
I couldn’t help but to smile.
Babu came to clear the plates and I knew we made a pretty good impression! ( smiling at each other)

“Come, let us go for the rounds”
Dr. Bhatti called Babu and asked for the bill and paid.

We walked to the wards silently. I don’t know what Dr. Bhatti was thinking. I assumed he must have thought I was an idiot. But it didn’t matter to me.
For me what mattered was that I finally found someone who knew how to argue with me and win.
It felt so good to lose an argument!
“Oh, I forgot. I have been wanting to tell you this. Do you know the four stages of grief?” Dr. Bhatti asked
“No, sir”
“Dr. Elizabeth Ross had written about the 4 stages of grief. You should read it. You can read about it in the Psychiatry books”
“Sure sir”
But we had a problem. I had internals in few weeks and then the externals. I haven’t yet started to study and I was beginning to get a bit worked up. Imagine studying studying subjects taught over a year in a week. Not one subject, but three!
“Sir, is it ok if I don’t come for the evening rounds till after the exams?”
Dr. Bhatti stopped walking and was looking at me.
Oh No, he must be angry with me. I shouldn’t have asked him such a dumb question. Now I ruined my chances to excel in Medicine. He was doing me a favour and I had the temerity to ask for leave.
“Last minute studying?” Dr. Bhatti asked.
Truth or lie? What would he think of me if I tell him that I am a strong believer of last minute madness ie Procrastination?
Should I tell the truth?
Should I lie and tell him that I have studied everything and now I am doing revision number 3?

To hell with it.
“Yes sir” I told the truth.
He laughed.
“You remind me of someone I know” He replied
“Who sir” I had to ask.

“More tea?” Dr. Bhatti asked
I wouldn’t have minded another cup of tea. But it was my Prof who was asking me if i wanted more tea and somehow that question deserved a dishonest answer. Why? I didn’t know.
“No sir. I am fine” I replied
“come on, let us order another cup of tea.” Dr. Bhatti checked his watch and spoke
“We still have another 45 minutes before the rounds. Not enough time to go home and come back. Don’t you agree?”
A part of me was selfishly happy. The part, that always wanted someone to spend time with me. The other part of me hated myself for thinking like that.
I didn’t respond to Dr. Bhatti, instead I smiled.
“Babu” Dr Bhatti called
Babu opened the curtain and looked at me and then at Dr. Bhatti. The look that asked a million questions. The look that made me so uncomfortable.
“Babu, 2 cups of tea” Dr. Bhatti ordered.
“Yes sir” Babu turned to walk away.
“Babu” Dr. Bhatti called after him
“Yes sir” He stopped walking and turned to look at us. Again with the same questioning eyes.
“Anything to eat?”
Babu scratched his head as though he needed to switch on his brain to think.
“I can make plain Dosai Sir. No potato paliya. It is still cooking. I will check if there is any sambar from lunch time”
Babu didn’t wait to hear if we wanted to order plain dosai.
But I noticed he didn’t close the curtain completely. I understood the subtle message. I looked at Dr. Bhatti to see if he understood.
He appeared unperturbed.
May be I was imagining.
Guilty conscious pricks the mind’ Spoke the sensible one. I thought she sounded just like my mother. In fact it was one of my mother’s favourite idiom.

I hated both of them. Both won’t let me live!

We waited for Babu to come back. I looked at the folder on the table. Deep green colour folder.
I wondered why I like green colour so much that even my files and folders are green.
I smiled thinking about the time Amma asked me if I was converting to Islam! after seeing all the green files and folders.
I looked up to see Dr. Bhatti looking at me.
I knew he was going to ask me why I was smiling, but before he could do so, Babu walked in to the room announcing
” I can make plain Dosai and sambar Sir”
Again he looked at both of us and I thought of asking him if he found anything different from the last time.
“Dosai?” Dr Bhatti asked me
“Sure sir” I answered, mostly because I wanted to annoy Babu.
“2 Dosai” Dr. Bhatti ordered.
Babu nodded his head and walked away. Again he forgot to close the curtain.
To hell with him. I thought.
“So you believe in science eh” Dr. Bhatti asked.
I nodded my head.
“So you are fine with theory of evolution”
I knew where this was going. Anyone who has a bone to pick with theory of evolution has the same argument about homo sapiens descending from apes!
“Sir, it is easier to discredit evolution by laughing at it and saying that our ancestors are monkeys!”
Dr. Bhatti was staring at me.
“Sir, let us take an example. Appendix. We know it serves no purpose in the human body. It is a vestigial organ. Absence of an appendix does no harm to human body. We routinely do appendicectomy in the hospitals” I looked at Dr. Bhatti to see if he was following me.
“So? Yes Appendix is a vestigial organ. It is not even an organ. How does that support that we originated from monkeys?”
” Sir, every part of human body serves a function. If a part doesn’t serve any function, then eventually that part becomes vestigial. That proves theory of evolution”
“Not so fast young lady” Dr. Bhatti spoke.” You are a Christian right?”
“By birth sir”
“What?” Dr. Bhatti was staring at me
“I am a Christian by birth sir, not by faith” I clarified.
We both stared at each other. I knew Dr. Bhatti was formulating questions in his brain and I was ready for them.
Babu came and placed two plates of dosai on the table. His assistant brought the tea. Both of them were looking at us. But neither of us had time for them. I noticed the assistant closing the curtain.
I smiled.
“So you don’t believe in Christianity?”
“No Sir.” “Sir, the fundamental basis for Christianity is immaculate conception, without it there is no Christianity. Immaculate conception isn’t scientifically possible. It is not something that can be verified scientifically. it is not something that can be repeated scientifically.”
I looked at Dr. Bhatti to see if he understood what I was saying.
It took a few minutes before Dr. Bhatti asked the next question.
“So what do you believe in?”
I took a small piece of the dosai and dipped it in the sambar while trying to think of a sensible answer to what do I believe in?
It was a very difficult question.
I was sure most people related to a religion, so they could answer that question.
I didn’t believe in any religion, but I was confused. I wanted to say there is no God. Yet I see healthy people dying and sick people living every day. No one could predict what will happen the very next moment. No one knew what is the beginning and no one knew when is the end.

The piece of dosai in my hand was completely soaked with sambar. I left it in the sambar bowl and tore another piece of dosai. This time I dipped it in the sambar and ate it quickly.
Eventually I looked at Dr. Bhatti and spoke
“I don’t know Sir. I don’t know what I believe in” I finally admitted my failure.

The king ( he declared himself to be the king, because he is the only boy in the family) is turning 9 soon and I am off to buy a surprise Birthday gift for him. Can do that only when the kids are at school.
After that I am treating myself to a Hazelnut hot smoothie at Timmy’s.
Then I am going for walk ( to lose the weight I might gain after the hot smoothie, nah kidding..It is a beautiful day and it is time I cleared the cobwebs old man winter had left in my brain)
Then I am going to read Celtic Mythology.
Here is hoping that all of you will have a day that stars well and ends well..
Carpe Diem

“So you are from Kerala, the land of coconuts?” Dr. Bhatti asked
I wanted to add ‘Yes sir, the land of coconuts and the the home of so and so’. I couldn’t think of anyone in particular to boast that he or she is from my state. I wished I was from Calcutta, at least I could have said home of Mother Theresa, though technically she wasn’t from Calcutta.
It is not that Kerala didn’t have its share of famous people. But I honestly felt that it isn’t the famous people that makes Kerala what it is.
It is the ordinary people of Kerala that makes it a unique place.
I wanted to tell Dr. Bhatti that Kerala wasn’t simply a land of coconut.It is a home of a Malayalee.
The home of Shakaracharya, the same state that welcomed Jews, Christians, Buddhists and the Muslims.
The home most malayalees like me love to hate and love to bits.
I almost smiled thinking how much I love Kerala and how desperate I am to leave kerala. You need to be a Malayalee to understand the complexity of being a Malayalee.
“What do you do when you have free time?” Dr. Bhatti asked
“read” very simple answer.
“What do you read?”
“anything sir” Even the newspaper that the shop keeper use to wrap the stuff I bought! I thought of adding.
Dr. Bhatti was staring at me and I knew my answers were pretty vague.
“I like to read history sir. I also love to read about travellers like Marco Polo” I had already told him about Gibran, so I didn’t add Gibran’s name.
“Why do you like history?”
“Sir, everyone of us carry a fragment of someone before us. I feel to know who we are, we need to learn who we were before”
“So you believe in re incarnation!”
“Sir I didn’t mean it that way, what I meant is our behaviour is affected by the actions of those before us. Not because of reincarnation. I had always thought about re incarnation, but I can’t prove it and I can’t agree to something that can’t be proven”
“So you are a hardcore scientist!”
“no sir, I just believe in science that can be verified and proved and can be repeated again and still obtain the same result”
“How many siblings you have?”
“4 Sir” I stared at Dr. Bhatti to see why he was asking me how many siblings I have while we were talking about science?
“How many brothers and sisters?”
“I have three sisters Sir”
“all of you look alike?”
“Not really sir”
What is wrong with this guy. Why is he asking me questions like this?
“So your sisters are also studying for medicine?”
“No sir. I am the only one. My sisters are not interested in biological Science. They are like my dad, They love maths and physics.”
“So four of you, from the same father and mother, but not much in common eh”
My sisters and I, we are as different as day and night. Nah that is not correct. My sisters are from Mars and I am from Pluto. We had nothing in common.
“Could it be because you are all reincarnation of someone?”
“Huh?” I stared at Dr. Bhatti
“Don’t you think it is possible that you are all different because of reincarnation?”
I tried to think of any scientific theory I could use to dispute Dr. Bhatti. The only thing I could think of was Darwin’s theory of evolution. Survival of the fittest didn’t go well with reincarnation.
I wanted to tell Dr. Bhatti ‘No, Sir, I don’t agree that if I did something wrong in this life, then I pay for it in the next life’, Yet I have always thought all my bad luck was the results of my past life misdeeds.
It isn’t very often I am stuck for words.
So I did what I am good at
“I agree to disagree sir”
Dr. Bhatti burst out laughing.
He rolled his head back and was laughing so much that I thought he would collapse.
I wanted to laugh too, but wasn’t sure if I would be doing the right thing.
“Agree to disagree” Dr Bhatti stopped laughing for a few seconds to repeat what I said and then started to laugh again.
And I sat there like a fish out of the water. Still trying to figure out if it is possible that my sisters and I are different because of reincarnation.

I hate the feeling of not knowing something because I always feel that there is no excuse for not learning something you don’t know.
I am not able to walk away from something because I didn’t know how to do it.
It is very frustrating.
I keep pushing myself, but at the same time I suffer from severe anxiety of failing.
It is a catch 22 situation.

This time it is Sewing.

I don’t know how to use a sewing machine. I stitched quilt covers for my children by hand. Even their halloween costumes!
While I was stitching the quilt cover, I was so angry with myself because if I learned to use the sewing machine, I can stitch the quilt covers fast and won’t have to struggle and stitch by hand. ( More so because I am also a perfectionist and you know how difficult it is to stitch perfect stitches by hand)
But at the same time I was scared to go for sewing lessons because I didn’t want to make a fool of myself.

I have always wanted to learn how to cut and sew. My mother could measure, cut and sew an A line skirt in 30 minutes. She never tried to teach me sewing and after breaking her knitting needles I do not blame her.

But I always wanted to learn how to sew.

I even have a set of sewing pattern for dresses that I bought from the road side seller I found on MG road in 1989. I paid 16 Rs for that pattern book. A lot of money at that time.

A friend of mine sews all her dresses and I finally asked her yesterday if she can teach me how to sew. ( I was hoping she would say No!)
She asked me to come for lessons this morning.
I know it is just sewing, not a life or death situation.
But I am so scared..

I got the med cert, I went through all the case files of new patients and I still had time. May be I will examine the patients. I wanted to be thorough in my patient examination skills and I knew practice makes perfect.
I looked around the ward.
Most of the patients were laying down on the bed and were busy sleeping. Normally they would be talking to each other and the nurses will be busy scolding them and trying to get them to rest. But today the entire medical ward was quiet. Only the new admissions were awake and they were staring at me.
I wanted to think that everyone was well behaved because I was around.
You know the feeling.. The power professors have when they enter the class. How their mere presence is enough to spontaneously create pin drop silence.
I almost smiled thinking how ridiculous I was sounding. Because I knew exactly why the patients were pretending to be asleep. They knew I am a junior medical student ( lowest in the hierarchy)and they knew if they were sleeping ( even pretending to sleep), I can’t wake them up and examine them. I didn’t have the power to wake them up and examine them.
Ball was in their court.
Soon, I promised myself. Soon I will complete MBBS and then we will see who has the power. I told myself.
‘You are so mean’ Sensible one spoke
‘What do you mean? Can’t you see what they are doing to me. Every single one of them is pretending to sleep’
‘You would have done the same thing if you were in their place’ She spoke
‘No, I wouldn’t’
‘Really? You would have just lay down on the bed and let all the students examine you over and over”
I never really thought about it. My group alone has 15 students and most of the times all 15 of us would examine the patient, because you may not get the same case again and everyone of us wanted to have a chance.
Would I have let 15 medical students to check for Babinsky’s reflex on my feet?
I took off my coat and walked out of the ward thinking What should I do?
Should I go back and see Princy. I couldn’t wait to throw the med cert on his table and watch his reaction. But I needed to fill all the details in the certificate and I had to be careful not to make any mistake. I also had to change my handwriting, just in case Princy got suspicious!
I wanted to sit somewhere and fill out the med cert peacefully. I didn’t want to go back to the campus and write all the details in the med cert. What if someone sees me doing it and inform the Princy?
I looked around to find a place to sit.

Water water everywhere, not a drop to drink, sang the ancient mariner.*

There was space everywhere in the hospital, but there was no place for me to sit. I couldn’t sit on the corridor floor, I couldn’t sit outside on the steps, I didn’t want to go back to the ward and be the haddi on the Kebab considering the fact that the ‘lovers’ are spending some quiet times together before the evening madness starts.
I knew the hospital canteen would be closed, but at least I can sit there.
Though I was only a med student, I still had some power! I could sit in the canteen and the operator couldn’t there fore wouldn’t kick me out.
I opened the grill and walked to the Doctor’s dining room. Someone was banging the pots and pans in the kitchen and making so much noise. I remembered the kitchen orchestra I participated for one of the Sunday school camp. We had used pots and pans and created music! Those were the fun days, I sighed.
Only a curtain separated the doctor’s dining room from the rest of the canteen. Just as I pulled the curtain I heard people talking. Then there was pin drop silence and all eyes were on me. I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me.
All the senior faculty members were in the canteen. All the HOD, asst Prof from all the departments, all of them who has the power to make me do 5 years MBBS in 15 years.
I lifted my toes, squeezed my fingers to see if I was dreaming.
“Hello Nina, what are you doing here?” Dr. Bhatti asked
“I came to see the new admissions sir” I knew he will be wondering what am I doing in the canteen. “I finished early, so I thought I will sit here and study”
I felt guilty for lying to him. The folder in my hand contained few letters. My lab coat pocket had a Mills and boon book and I was planning to forge a med cert.
“Come join us” he spoke
“No sir. thank you sir” I spoke and I tried to walk backwards. I don’t really know why I was trying to walk backwards.
“Come on, Don’t be shy.” Then he turned and spoke to Dr.N. S.( Surgery H.O.D) “She is a brilliant student, very rarely have I come across a brilliant student like her.
“Come, have a seat” OBG Madam moved to the side and asked me to come and sit with her.
“Which year are you in?”
“2” I spoke
“Where are you from?” She asked and the cross examination begun.
“Babu” Dr. Bhatti called
“Yes sir” I heard the canteen operator answering.
“What do you want, coffee or tea?” Dr. Bhatti asked me
“Tea Sir” I replied hesitantly.
“One tea for her. Anyone else want anything?” Dr. Bhatti asked.
“I have to go. I have a patient in labour” OBG madam spoke. “Nice meeting you Nina” She got up and tapped my shoulder and smiled. I got up to let her leave.
“I am also going, That problematic Minister’s family memeber is admitted for Varicose. He only wants the HOD to examine his family member!” Dr. N. S spoke.

By the time the operator got me my tea, most of the staff had gone.

By the time I finished half of my tea only Dr. Bhatti and I were left.
“Feeling better?” He asked
I wasn’t sure what he meant. How did he know I had migraine?
I nodded my head though I had no idea what the question meant.

“You are very impulsive” Dr. Bhatti spoke.
He was smiling.
If anyone told me that I am impulsive I would have been ticked off. No, I wouldn’t have simply been ticked off, I would have argued and proved that I wasn’t impulsive. I was pretty sure I wasn’t impulsive.
But the way Dr. Bhatti said it, He didn’t accuse me neither was he angry with me, he just simply stated a fact.
I smiled because there was no way I could get angry with Dr. Bhatti. And somewhere deep in my heart I knew he was right.

*I read many years ago that one of Nehru’s Malayalee staff had translated water water everywhere.. brinlliantly and on the spot during one of Nehru’s speach in Kerala. It went something like this vellam velllam palathulli vellam.. Was it KPS Menon? Does anyone remember the rest of the translation

Yesterday while trying to reach Linksys customer support using my hand phone, I had to call them twice. Not because the phone lines were bad, but because my phone battery will not last more than 15-20 minutes! even after a full charge.
I know I should get a new battery.
May be a new phone.
But I won’t.
Every time I have to spend money on me, I will think of a million other things ‘that’ money can be used to buy. For example I can buy the entire collection of Harry Potter for my son. Or Yaya’s favourite books.Or more Ocean books for baby. The never ending list of more important things.

Then I remember the woman who wore cream blouse with every single saree, be it a mustard yellow Binny silk or dark green Pochampalli, who ate all the valicha sambar because she couldn’t bear to waste money. She never spend a dime on herself because she had 4 daughters to marry off. She too had the list of more important things!

And I wanted to be different.
Funny! when I am walking in the shadows!

Thank you all for the comments as to how to reset my Linksys.
This is what I did
I disconnected the power supply to Lynksis like Maddy mentioned and after half an hour connected it back, reset the Linksys.. then the phone worked. Then I used the desktop and went to Linksys website, logged in using admin as user name and password. Reset the Linksys, changed the WEP and then with new keys logged in to the network using my laptop.
Did I do the right thing?
Is my network secure?
is there anything else I need to do?

One more thing
If you are looking for Harry Potter books, Scholastic has a pretty good deal. 28 USD for all 6 Harry Potter books( paperbacks). There is a catch though, you need to live in US, use an American credit card to buy and must have an American address for them to ship. Details here


Can someone help me?
I have Lynksys Wireless router and the damn thing stopped working this morning, effectively disconnecting my phone and internet. Calling Lynksys is a pain in the …. and after putting me on hold for almost 30 minutes, they want me to pay 39 USD to reset the router.. Which I consider exorbitant
I tried to access the internet using my desktop..but that too isn’t working.
I tried using admin as the User Name and PW and tried to reset the Lynksys.. No luck
I am at the library now and if anyone knows how I can save my hard earned 39 USD, please leave a comment.

Eyes that haunts.
Eyes? Haunts?
Has this female gone crazy? You might wonder.
Hmm, that is best left to ones imagination!

I was reading Maddy’s article about Amok and I remembered something.
I must have been about 4 years old as I hadn’t started to go to school yet.
My father came home in the evening and was talking to my mother about the daughter of his colleague who has been admitted in the hospital.
No one knew why.
My parents were busy analyzing the possible reasons for a teenager to be admitted in the hospital.
Amma was convinced she was pregnant.
She asked Chechy if the girl has any boyfriends?
Chechy didn’t know and didn’t think the girl was a BAD girl. So amma shooed chechy off to her room
Then she called our Amah and asked her if she heard any hot news from the Amah gossip network.
Amah promised to find more information the next morning.
My mother sighed saying ennalum…njan vicharichalla.. ( I didn’t expect her to… coming from such a God fearing family)

The next few days were full of excitement, mostly because the girl was admitted in a hospital that was almost 2 hours journey from our home. Surely they went that far, so they can hide the Pregnancy from the prying eyes. Amma was sure.
But it also made it very difficult to learn exactly what was going on. Is she having an abortion? Did she give birth already? What happened to the baby. Oh the nuns must have taken it and by now sold it to some Matsalleh ( White) family!

Finally the girl came home and none in her family spoke anything about her hospitalization., further fuelling the Pregnancy rumors.
The girl stopped going to the high school.
Everyone was happy, because the girl somehow deserved not going to school and learning. Besides no one wanted her to friend their innocent children and corrupt their mind. ( She went to the same school Chechy went and Amma warned Chechy not to ever talk to her.)

Then came the hot news from the Amah network.
The girl wasn’t pregnant. She was MAD!
Her parents have chained her to the bed post because she was MAD.

Oh. we must go and see them. My mother insisted.
Not because she felt sorry for the family. But because she wanted to verify if she really was pregnant and the family was sending out false news hoping to divert the attention.
I remember holding Appa’s hands and walking to their house.
It must have been about 7.30 pm.
There was one single light outside the veranda and my dad called out his colleague’s name.
His wife opened the door, she invited us in. But my parents declined. My parents had already discussed about not going inside because nobody knew if MADNESS is contagious, besides my parents wanted to protect us, should the girl suddenly ran amok and hurt us. We were safe standing outside.
Hearing his wife talking my dad’s colleague too came out, soon followed by the girl. I looked for the chains on her legs. Couldn’t find any.
My mother was soon the nicest person on earth.
How are you? She crooned and asked the girl.
She didn’t say anything.
She just stared and stared stared and I thought she was mad! Little did I know she was sanest of us all!

The Clock

Ah the clock!
I was always fascinated with clocks.
My cousin owned the original Black forest Cuckoo clock. As a child I spend many hours standing in front of that cuckoo clock waiting for that tiny nest door to open and for the bird to come out and chirp the time.
As a child I always had the time.

Time in transition.

I always thought life is nothing but the Riddle of the Sphinx*.
Everyone goes through the same thing.
The same stages Shakespeare described. ( All the world’s a stage)
As I go through the seven stages, I also wanted to achieve few things.
I wanted to get more marks than Chechy for the 10th exam.
I wanted to do Medicine.
I wanted to be a mother.
I wanted to travel.
I ticked Yes, Yes, Yes to all my dreams and I smiled happily as I achieved each of those dreams.

No regrets, I told myself. (It is not that I don’t have any regrets. I simply considered those regrets as bonuses for those lessons life teaches you)

I live my life just the way I want to. I told myself.

Everything was fine, at least I thought everything was fine till I turned 39.
Out of nowhere the clock came ticking.
The clock is telling me something I am well aware of. That I am 39 and time is running OUT.
All these years I was pretty sure that I won’t hear the clock ticking.
I shouldn’t.
I have three lovely kids.
Still I hear it and it makes me feel something I thought I would never feel.
I long to hold a little baby in my arms. A brother for Toothless, may be a sister for Yaya and Baby.
My medical training tells me that chances of Trisomy increases as the age of the mother increases.
A part of me wants to argue and say that is total BS. My mother had my youngest sister when she was 44.

Then I think how selfish I am.
How dare do I even wish to have a child knowing the risks?
Why can’t I be grateful for what I have?
There are millions of women who are desperate to have a child and you have THREE! and you are feeling miserable because you are 39 and it is too late to have another child!

Still the clock is ticking and there is nothing I can do to make it stop.

I know what I am going through right now is just another stage in my life. I know I will be fine sooner or later.
But right now this is how I feel…..

*Riddle of the Sphinx
Which creature has four legs in in the morning, two legs at mid day, and three in the evening, and the more legs it has, the weaker it is.