I am not planning to pay a cent as dowry for my girls nor am I expecting any dowry for my son. However, I do collect things for my children to put in their glory box when they leave home. ( not just for my two girls, but also for the girl who will be part of my family)

I collect heirloom linen. Ideally I would have liked to do the embroidery myself, but I am lazy and not very skilled. Most of the table linen now a days are machine embroidered and not many people are keen to do hand embroidery. By the time my children set up their own home the chances that they would be able to find anything hand embroidered is pretty slim, so I collect those items for  them. So far, I bought each of them a embroidered table cloth, napkin set and breakfast tray set

I want to buy each of them a quilt from here. (http://lancasterpa.com/quilts/quilt-shop-at-millers/) They have so many pretty quilts there.

I also bought a dinner set ( antique bone china) for each of them, a crazy tea set ( different patterns of trios) and a  silver tea set.

Every year I buy them a gold coin on their birthday..

I find it really exciting to buy things for my children to take with them when they leave home.

Often one of my children would tell me that “you are the nastiest meanest mother on planet earth” and though I know why they are saying that ( because they can’t get what they want) it does hurt my feelings. I usually reply that it my duty to be a responsible mother and sometimes you might find my decisions are not what you want, but we will just have to live with it, because I am the mom here and I am doing my job, if I am the nastiest meanest mother, then so be it.

And then they do something really out of this world that makes me the happiest mother on planet earth.

Every Christmas my children ask me what I want? and to make their life easy, I have always asked said “Something for the kitchen/house” and then I keep my fingers and toes crossed that they will not buy me any kitchen gadgets. I am totally old school. I prefer to knead bread dough in a bowl than use a machine and then clean the whole bloody thing. I also hate surprises and check/spy/inspect all the packages that are kept hidden/in plain sight. This year, I even checked the attic and there was no sign of any Christmas gift for me. ( And yes, I was upset) Even on Christmas eve, I checked under the tree and there was no gift for me.

Christmas morning, I woke up hearing my kids whispering. “Ha, they forgot to buy me a gift and they know they are going to be in hot soup and are discussing how to weasel themselves out of the trouble they are in” so I thought.

I heard Baby saying to her siblings ” I think mom is up”.

I waited with bated breath to give them a piece of my mind ( for not buying me a Christmas gift of course) and in walked my three kids with huge grin on their face.

“Merry Christmas Mom” They said and gave me the smallest gift I ever received. A small tiny box. “Open it” they chorused.

With trembling hands I opened the tiny box and found this

My children gave me a Mother’s ring last Christmas with all their birthstones. Tourmaline ( Oct) for the baby I lost. Alexandrite for Yaya ( June), Aquamarine for my son ( March) and Garnet for Baby ( December).

To say that I was touched would be the understatement of the year..

I am not sure when old age started creeping in on me and I never thought it would be this difficult. Surely it was the arrogance of my youth that made me so immune to the signs of old age that reared its ugly head months ago.

I think the first sign was when I couldn’t thread the needle. I  never ever had difficulty threading the needle until one fine day a year ago, I just couldn’t. I am stubborn by nature and sat with the needle for a very long time till I managed to thread the needle. I should get new reading glasses, but I am still not ready for it ( Does one ever get ready to accept wearing old woman’s glasses?)

Two days ago, I had to sign up my kids for Basketball and while filling in the form, I needed to get my credit card details. I asked my son for help and he was none too pleased. Eventually he made a mistake and I got really annoyed with him, which in turn made him get annoyed with me. His point being, if you wanted to write the number without making a mistake, then you should do it yourself and my point being I asked for help and you should help me without being grumpy and not making a mistake. To make things worst, I have no difficulty seeing the CVC code at the back of the credit card ( black numbers on white background), but not the credit card number which are shiny silver numbers on almost shiny silver card. He couldn’t understand how that is possible. I  just wanted my son to accept that I can’t see things without glasses and help me. I didn’t want to admit my frailty. ( Of course all these could be easily avoided if I would get my ass to an optometrist and get new prescription glasses)

As I drove back home silently. still being angry at my son, it occurred to me that I am really growing old and it isn’t my children’s duty to step in to cover my frailty. It is my job to accept that simple truth..that I am getting frail and my children are getting strong..

The highlight of my trip was climbing Mount Kinabalu.

I used to live near the base of Mount Kinabalu and never once thought of climbing it. Then I went to England to study  and on my orientation day, my professor asked me where I am from and upon hearing the word Kinabalu, immediately said he climbed the mountain few times. I didn’t know where to hide my head in shame and was so embarrassed. I promised myself that one day I will climb Mt Kinabalu.

Most people who plan to climb a mountain would start preparing for the climb months in advance. In my case, I dreamed about it for 20 years and that was all the preparation I did.

Only when we reached the National park did my youngest understand that it really was a big mountain..she was always reading while her siblings and I discussed about our climb and I guess she didn’t pay any attention. She assumed that it was an hour hike, like going for bush walking in Mount Coo’tha. Clearly, she was wrong ( and shocked too).

It took me 4 hours to reach base camp. My children abandoned me half way through because I was ( very) slow and by the time I reached the base camp where we spent the night, they had already finished their dinner and was relaxing.

We had to get up at 2 AM to climb the summit. It was raining and the temp dropped close to zero and our ponchos were not working.  We were soaked to the bones and freezing. It was nothing short of hell.

Yaya was crying by the time we descended to the base camp. My heart broke seeing her tears. She told me ” the next time you come up with a crazy idea like this, count me out”

I had to laugh..

The hardest part was climbing down..my knees felt as if the joints were made of chocolate pudding.

The thing is, I didn’t expect my children to finish the climb.. especially my youngest..I think as parents we tend to underestimate our children. It was a big lesson for me..to see their determination and will..

I wanted to see the sunrise from the top of the mountain. It was too cloudy when we made it to the top. So crazy as it sounds, I am going to climb again..in August next year. If anyone wants to join, you are welcome.

Kinabalu legends

I would have like to tell the story..but no time.

http://knotwisez.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/legend-of-mount-kinabalu.html

http://g8fight.blogspot.com.au/2010/04/legend-of-mt-kinabalu-mixture-of-myth.html

Today is the first day of new school year. All three of my children are in high school.

When I started this blog, Yaya was in grade 2. We had just arrived in Vancouver. I remember her first day to school. She wore a pink Barbie top, Barbie jeans and had a Barbie school bag. ( My youngest sister bought all those things for her). I carried baby on my back, held toothless’s and Yaya’s hand and walked to school. I was so worried how my children would cope living in a new country.

How fast time flew. Yaya is now in grade 12, my son in grade 10 and baby is in grade 8.

Last night baby came and lay down in my bed. She does that when she is stressed. So I told her

“You are going to have the best 5 years of your life, starting tomorrow. Work will be heavy and you learn a lot of new things, but trust me when I tell you this, high school years are the best years of your life”

“Are you sure mom?” She asked

and I replied “Of course, think of all the hot guys you meet..you have the choice of 5 year levels of hot guys ( grade 8 -12)”

Baby’s laughter is like shaking a handful of pearls in a glass bottle and while laughing she told me only my mother would tell things like that”

My wish for my children this year are

1. Set your goals high

2. Give your best shot

3. Remember to have fun

4. Be responsible, reliable and respectful.

At home, few things have changed this year. I invested in a giant magnetic board with individual magnets for each of my children. If the notice isn’t on the board minimum 24 hours before the event, I haven’t seen it and if I haven’t seen it, I will not do anything about it. The same rule applies for permission slips for school trips.

My son has to wear school uniform this year and he has to do the laundry and ironing by himself.  Doing laundry and Ironing are  life skills and he needs to learn.

I have been threatening them that they should make their own lunch, however, I just can’t bear to think of them eating sandwich every single day. So I am still getting up at 6AM to make hot lunch for them.

That is that..

Few days ago, I woke my kids up at 2 am to watch the Geminid Meteor shower. Baby had been out with her friends for swimming all day and she was exhausted. She mumbled and told me “I am so tired mom, I want to sleep” and went back to bed.

My son was in the kitchen making hot chocolate for all of us when Baby went back to bed. A few minutes later, I heard my son talk to his little sister and this is what he said

“Baby, these moments with your family, you will not get it back. Surely, you will be able to watch more meteor showers as you grow older, but this moment, this particular meteor shower on this particular night..it only happens right now. So please get up and come and sit with us. I will add extra marshmallows in your hot chocolate for you”

And she did.

As I have written before, I am scared of darkness and my house is pretty isolated and very close to the bush. Watching Criminal minds in the evening also didn’t help to make me feel not scared. Every leaf that moved suggested snakes, every shadow was that of a deranged perpetrator.

My son sat next to me and in him I found my strength.

Together we sipped hot chocolate and watched the meteor shower. It was so beautiful. My children and I made a wish each time they spotted a meteor. I don’t know what they wished for and more than wishes mine were all about Thanks. I am thankful for the joys of being a mother, I am thankful for the opportunity to spend time with my children.

As we come to the end of another beautiful year, I wish all of you more beautiful moments with your loved ones.

I will be away on much needed break until Jan 26th. Children and I are backpacking through S. E Asia. I am not sure if I will be able to blog regularly while I am away. I will try to update whenever I can.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year.

Yesterday evening Yaya and I went to the mall to do our Christmas shopping.

She is so much fun to be with. Every now and then she would nudge me and whisper, “Did you see that guy? He is so hot ,mom I think I will die of heat stroke”

After her trip to Spain where she met a very hot tour guide whom she assumed wouldn’t know much English and decided to be naughty and proposed “Marry me” and it turned out that the guide was an exchange student from Texas. Since then,she no longer proposes to hot guys..( I am sure there may be some of you who will be offended reading this, but she is a teenager, this is part of her initiation in to an adult 🙂  )

She told me “I love you mom, you are the best” every now and then.

She still holds my hand as we walk.

She made sure she bought the gifts she knows that her siblings would like. She boughts two gifts for her siblings. One from Santa and one from her. ( Even though all three of them know isn’t real)

After she bought two gifts each for her siblings, she remembered that Baby’s favourite Percy Jackson series has a new book. I am stingy by nature and she already bought two gifts. So I said “Nah” to the book and she said “Fine, I will spend my own money” at the same time pouted her lips like a sad puppy.

I am a sucker for her pouted lips and bought the book. After a Thank you and I love you mom,  she said “but mom”

I knew where we were heading. If Baby gets three gifts, then her brother should also get three. So we went to the Game shop to buy yet another Xbox game for her brother.

Half way through I heard her phone ring. She picked up the phone and said

“Ola” and she listened to whatever the person on the other end was saying and I heard her ask

“Which movie?”

“With whom?”

“What time will you be back home?”

“Ok, have fun.I will let Mom know. Bye”

I had left my phone in the car and my son called his sister’s phone to ask me if he could go for a movie with his friends and Yaya did what I usually do and asked all the right questions. I was really impressed.

I really had a good time with her yesterday. Much as I cherished each of those moments, a part of me kept asking “How will I go on living when my child leaves home?”

End of term report cards of my children arrived in the mail few days ago and that got me thinking. If I could have report card as a mom, how would I grade myself?

D for the messiest house. Ideally I would like to live in one of those picture perfect homes where everything is in the right place. I can no longer enter Yaya’s room because I am not sure what I will be stepping on. Before she left for Mexico, she tidied up her room ( mostly out of fear because I threatened to throw everything in the bin while she is away). But the thing was, I missed her messy room when she wasn’t home. All of a sudden her room looked like a sterile hospital room and I didn’t like it. I realized that I rather have a messy room with my child in it that a sterile room with no child in it. Her room is going to spick and span when she leaves home this time next year. So I made a conscious effort to not to go after her to tidy it up. My relatives too saw the state of her room and made plenty of observations. I am fine with that, because I know in 5 years, my house will be like one of those picture perfect home and I am not going to be excited.

D for not cooking breakfast and lunch during school holidays. I know I am the mom and it is my job to nurture and feed my children. But they are old enough to fix their own meals. Sometimes I see instant noodles covers in the bin and I feel terribly guilty. Often the youngest steps in and cooks for her siblings too. My son makes beef patties etc. Yaya Is difficult to break.. she is hoping to survive on air and water when she is at Uni.

D for calling names. Ok, I have to rephrase that. As I was called deaf and dumb and bling while growing up, I promised myself I wouldn’t call my children names. Last year, the local TV station had a program where the viewers had to call and tell them the one thing that someone in their life said to them that annoyed them the most and my son wanted to call in and report what I say  when I am really annoyed with them.

I am known to say ” there is a movie called dumb and dumber, did you by any chance act in it?” Over the years, I just say “there is a movie” for which my children will fill in “Smart and the smarter or Prince and princess” etc. I have tried my level best to stop saying it, but there are times I just have to say it, like the time my son removed an important part from his school computer ( he was trying to create something with that), knowing very well that I, the mother will have to pay for the damages. I am not a perfect mom. I know I have my share of failings and this would top my list of failings.

A for hugs and I love you’s. I still give them a hug every day. I still them I love you every chance I get.

A for surprises in their school lunch bag. I often pack a treat, love notes, riddles or jokes in their lunch bag. And they do write the answer for the riddles and place it back in their lunch bag.

B for family games. Most evenings, I am exhausted. So sometimes I try to weasel out of family games nights.. I bought two new games this year. Australian version of trivial pursuit and Balderdash. Of all the games we own I like Balderdash the best. I like the way my children write. their descriptions are hilarious. For eg, the word was soushumber and my youngest wrote it is a genetically crossbred of sushi and cucumber that eventually takes over the world and make it in to cucumber city with sushi capital. ( Soushumber is a weed 🙂  )

C for getting annoyed with small things. Sometimes I tend to miss the bigger picture and get annoyed with really trivial things.

B for allowing my children independence. I am ok with them going out with their friends for dinner or movies etc. But sometimes, I get annoyed when they spend every weekend with their friends.. It is not like I have infinite time with them..and it is only fair that they spend some of their time with me. They on the other hand do not agree with my views. They think they have spend enough time with me and now it is their turn to live their life.

All in all.. it is an OK report card..I guess I managed to pass to take the next year of mothering.

As I wrote many times before, I am usually at the receiving end of various direct and indirect innuendos about my children’s lack of cultural ( read Indian) awareness by various relatives.

It really doesn’t matter to anyone that I have three happy, hardworking, well behaved children. What matters the most is that they are not acting like Malayalees.

Comments by various family members went like this.

1.”When my children were little, I taught them, they  are Malayalees, they have 5000 years of rich cultural heritage behind them. It doesn’t matter where you were born or the passport you hold. Being a Malayalee is the most important thing and I made sure we spoke Malayalam at home and visited our family and relatives in India every year”

2. Yaya made the mistake of telling them that she is hoping to study in US. “Are you crazy? Why would you want to spend so much money to study in US, when Unis like Indias IIT are the top Unis in the world. ( they are not even in the first 100 top uni) Indian education is the best, the teachers know how to explain  US education is crap. It is a waste of money.

3. My son had friends over. “Doesn’t he have any Indian friends? He is going to learn all the bad habits, take drugs and drink alcohol if he has only white friends. Indian children are all raised with the same standard. It is better that you ( as in me the mother) prevent him from mixing with the wrong crowds.

4. After dinner, my children excused themselves and went to Yaya’s room to watch a movie on her computer. She has a huge collection of movies that she buys from the shop where she works.

“Do you know what movie they are watching?” They asked me.

I didn’t know. ( My children knew from the time they were old enough to understand to follow the code restrictions. If it is MA, they won’t let Baby watch it. I don’t have to ask them each time they watch a movie what movie are they watching. I trust them.)

“How can you be so irresponsible? You should take better control of your children. There are so many bad movies, you can’t raise them like this. For heaven’s sake, you are the mother”

To recap, the person who told me all of the above, his oldest child studied in an Ivy league uni, married her Jewish classmate. I would have liked to ask, how come he didn’t send his children to India to study if the education in India is the best and how come he allowed his child to marry a non Malayalee. But the thing with mallus is..their advice is free and flowing but it doesn’t mean that they themselves follow it. They are send to earth to make sure everyone else follows the mallu dictates..but they themselves are exempt. Hypocrites.