I passed my GAMSAT  ( http://gamsat.acer.edu.au/gamsat-australia) exam yesterday.  Similar to MCAT that allows me to study medicine in one of the local universities.

This was one of the hardest exam I have ever written mostly because I have not studied Maths since my 10th and Physics and Chemistry since pre-degree. I also have never written English essays as part of my basic education. Mine involved rot learning what the teacher wrote.

I had to buy Physics and Chemistry text books to study basics. May be it was that my pre degree time, I was confused having to learn everything in English, but for the love of Spaghetti, I don’t remember ever learning about chemical bonds..all I remember is learning about shells, valence electrons etc. plus a bit of organic chemistry, balancing eqn etc. It took me months to understand basic chemistry and then I joined  MIT ed ex courses online to understand Benzene, ring structure etc.

I approached one of Yaya’s teachers for English help and I met her every Monday after my work and she taught me to write English essays. She didn’t want payment and I didn’t feel that is right. So I actually rushed home after work, cooked dinner for her family, packed it and went to meet her.

Physics, one of Yaya’s friend’s older brother helped me. ( he is 22 years old, half my age ! ) and those questions he couldn’t, a friend’s husband took  half a day off from work the day before my exam and  helped me.

My children made innumerable cups of coffee.. borrowed books for me from their school library, collected past QCAS question papers, so I could practice comprehension etc..

And I got up everyday at 4 am to study till 6 am, rush to make breakfast/school lunch for the kids..most evenings by 9, I was so exhausted and often I questioned my own sanity. But I always wanted to work as a doctor and I felt no one could ever tell me I couldn’t do something. and if you are like me who really wanted to do something, trust me when I tell you this, there are people out there who will help you..and some of them can be half your age, but they will help you. The world still has a lot of good people.

Right now, I am not really sure what to do. I will finish term 1 of my masters next month. I already have the highest GPA ( 7 here) for all the exams/assignments I have written to this day. I don’t want to stop it  when I could finish this in a year and win the vice chancellor’s award.

But the crux of the matter is.. I passed GAMSAT.

To prevent myself from dying slowly due to boredom I subscribed to Netflix while recovering from my surgery. ( Netflix only came to Australia last month). I am not really a big fan of TV, except Mentalist. In fact when we were planning our last trip to US, Yaya suggested that we visit studio zone in LA where Mentalist is filmed so I can meet  my heartthrob ! Even my kids noticed my love for Mentalist 🙂

My Kids watch a bit of cartoon after they come back from school. I don’t think they really see anything, but sitting in the living room with a snack and watching something mundane on TV is the way they decompress after a hectic day at school. After an hour or so the TV goes silent.

I prefer to read than to watch TV, but since I couldn’t go to the library, Netflix was the only solution. I am sure they have algorithm that tracks people’s name to their ethnicity, because their suggested list for me contained Indian movies.

One such movie was Today’s special. Since Madhur Jaffrey was acting in it, I thought I might as well watch it.  Madhur Jaffrey is a cook I respect a lot. She taught me to cook Indian food. Her recipe books were the first Indian recipe books that I felt was written well without any complicated steps. ( side note. When I look for a recipe online, it drives me insane with the ones that have a million photos..that shows onions being browned in various shades of doneness, followed by another million photos of each ingredient being added, then more photos of stirring…. I am sure you got the picture! That is one of the main reason I still prefer recipe books that are well written with few photos)

Anyway, I made myself a pot of tea and prepared myself for wasting another hour of my life that I will never get back. ( Usually after watching some of the Mallu movies like Casanova, that is how I feel)

I have to say, I haven’t watched a movie this good in a while. Naseeruddin Shah was awesome, so were the rest of the cast.

If you haven’t watched give it a go.

Yaya wrote her SAT last week. The night before her exam, she came to me and asked “Can I sleep with you?”

“Sure” I said.

I watched her print her admissions ticket, pack her pencil case etc before she came and laid down next to me. “Mom, I am scared” She said

“I know exactly how you feel” I replied ” And I told her about this letter a teacher in US wrote

“The people who create these tests and score them do not know each student the way I do, the way I hope to, and certainly not the way the families do.

“They do not know that some of my students speak two languages or more. They do not know that they can play a musical instrument or that they can dance or paint a picture. Doesn’t that matter more? They do not know that they are someone who friends can count on to be there for them or that the sound of their laughter can brighten the dreariest day in the homes they live in and in my classroom.

“Those who design the tests do not know that some of my students have travelled to a really neat place and come back alive with stories or that they even know how to tell a great story and bubble over with excitement to share!” ( Kimberly Horst)

I told her, “as far as I am concerned, you are a great student. You speak three languages fluently, you are a talented artist and a good basket ball player, you are a wonderful daughter and a  big sister for your brother and sister, Yes the test score will determine your college admission, but that is only a tiny part of your life, there is much more to life than an SAT score, so you go there and give your best shot, whatever has to happen, will happen”

I don’t believe in last minute studying ( biggest irony, when I only studied the very last second) So we went to bed early. On the day of the exam, she told me ” Mom, I think I want to join the circus”

“That is fantastic” I told her,” you are naturally talented as a clown, you don’t even have to pretend to fall, you just need to walk on absolutely flat surface and you still will trip and fall” ( Yaya is a walking disaster!)

Her brother was awake and he showed her some meme about falling down and they laughed.

I bought all of Yaya’s favourite chocolates the night before, so she had Cadbury’s chocolate for breakfast. ( When she is stressed, she won’t eat anything)

As we left her brother hugged her and told her ” Go get them tiger”

Her test center was an hour’s drive from my home. Every few minutes Yaya said ” Mom, I am scared, I don’t want to do this, I want to join the circus” And I replied the same standard answer. ” You will be fine , it is just a test and remember you got high distinction for ICAS maths without even trying to do the test” ( I forced all my children to do all the ICAS and other similar tests, to prepare them for this moment, and Yaya wasn’t very happy..so instead of actually doing the test, she guessed all the answer for her grade 7 ICAS maths and was shocked to get the high distinction)

She wrote the test, for her English essay she created fictional scenarios to suit her essay. Maths she didn’t know few of the questions.

First part of SAT is out of the way.

But I still worry.. when she goes to Uni, how will she cope on her own? Who will buy her chocolates? Who will make her laugh, so she won’t be stressed? ( yes I know, I survived my uni days, but still it is my job to worry about my children 🙂   )

No, I am not learning to type..Just in case you are wondering.

It so happened that few days ago Yaya was going out to meet her friends for movie and dinner. She wore a tank top and jeans and since it is almost winter, she was also planning to wear a jacket over the tank top.

When my son saw her, she didn’t have the jacket on and he asked her, “Are you going out wearing that?” in the most annoying condescending tone.

Before Yaya killed him, I thought I might as well interfere.

“What is your problem?” I asked him.

“Well, if she is my daughter, then she wouldn’t be allowed to go out wearing that. I have only one rule. BBB. No daughter of mine will leave the home showing Butt, Boobs or Belly” ( apparently he heard that over the radio..some other father had said that was his rule and my son felt it is the golden rule to raise daughters)

I am one of the most liberal mothers you will ever meet. I have never been a moral police. Where did my son learn to be a moral police?

After driving my children, partner, friends and the rest of the human and animal kingdom nuts for the past 5 weeks, I decided that I better go back to Uni, to save myself from starting world war 3.

I have learned that I am such a pain in the posterior and that I am becoming just like my mother.

It was a simple thing. Laundry. I can’t carry the laundry basket ( You aren’t allowed to carry anything heavy till you completely recover) and my children were not home. My friend had come over to check on me and helped me to carry the laundry to the clothes line. Being the nice guy that he is, he also chipped in to help me hang the laundry.

Normal people would be grateful.

I have separate hangers for various clothes. I also like to hang my clothes on a hanger with the tag at the back and the hook of the hanger facing to the left. It makes it really easier to see your clothes when you stand in the closet because the front of your clothes on the hanger faces you.

The end result. My friend will never help me hang clothes ever again.

My mother has various obsessions with clothes. She is the only person I know who can wash clean clothes because they were on your bed. ( You know when you try various outfits in the morning and didn’t have time to hang them back in the cupboard..they will be in the clothes line when you come back in the evening).

As a child growing up, I often wondered why can’t my mother be a bit more understanding and do the things the way my father wants her to do. And now, I have learned I am a strong follower of my way or no way.

I feel sorry for my kids. ( that they will have to cope with me when I am an old woman and wear purple hat)

http://www.laterbloomer.com/jenny-joseph/

I am planning a trip to Vancouver in the last week of July and thought I will take Yaya with me. It will be a small break for her before her IB exams, besides she could buy her prom dress from there. She was all excited till she found that I am leaving on the same day as the Splendour in the grass festival in Byron Bay.( http://www.splendourinthegrass.com/).

It was a major decision to make for her. A week trip to Vancouver or 3 days of music festival in Byron bay.

“I don’t know what to do Mom, I really want to go to Vancouver, but all my favourite bands will be playing at the music festival” She said.

“It is totally your choice” I explained. She will have to learn to make tough choices.

Yesterday morning before going to school, she told me “Mom, I can always go to Vancouver any other time, but the music festival only happens this time, I won’t be here next year to attend the festival, so I would like to attend the festival, could you please buy the tickets for me?”

1500$ for the air fare vs 365$ for the music festival ! ( Her choice was a good deal for me)

So I sat in front of my computer from 8:30 AM for the ticket sale that started exactly at 9 AM and managed to buy the tickets for her. ( It was sold out in half an hour)

She is very happy !

( And now, me twiddling my fingers being worried about her safety starts.. I bought tickets for a music festival well known for drugs/alcohol/blah blah !)

This was last year’s review

http://www.au.timeout.com/melbourne/music/features/3799/splendour-in-the-grass-2014-review

You got to be a Malayalee to get the full meaning of the word manakkotta.. Literal translation would be castle of dreams, but it doesn’t have the same pizzazz !

A very dear friend and I share the same birthday ( different years). We even have similar eidetic memory, like the same artists, watch the same movie over and over. There is only one difference so far I have found. He is a realist and I am a dreamer. I can dream about anything and everything. Leave me alone for a few minutes ( without books) and I will start weaving my dreams..my manakkottas..

Unfortunately my kids haven’t inherited my manakkotta creating genes. They are true to the bone realists.

When Yaya came home from school after her extra lessons, I was in bed going through the bills/mails. “I am so cold” She said and climbed in to my bed and snuggled next to me.

“Whatcha doing?” She asked, while shoving her semi frozen feet between my legs. Before I used to chase her whenever she tried to shove her cold feet between my warm legs..Not any more.. Who will rub her cold nose on my cheeks to show me how cold she is or push her feet between my legs once she goes to Uni? I moved the bills to one side, so she could lay down comfortably, that is when she saw the envelope.

“What is that?” She asked

“Wedding invitation” I replied.

She looked at the envelope..my name was written by hand.

“Can you believe Mom, in about 10 years, you will be writing the address on my wedding invitations?”

10 years? I quickly calculated, she will be almost 27 !

“Yup” I replied.

“You know mom, I never really thought about my wedding”

“I have” I replied

“What did you think” She asked

“My beautiful princess walking down the aisle wearing a purple wedding gown” ( When Yaya was about 2, my sisters used to hunt all the shopping malls for purple dresses because she only wore purple, even undies had to have purple in them. She still likes purple, though not as obsessed as before)

“Purple? I am not wearing purple, I think I will wear a Vera Wang, But I want the venue to be decorated with purple and yellow flowers, lilacs and daffodils !” She said

“Then you have to have a spring wedding” I replied “Spring Indian wedding, 10 days of dance, Indian music with all the dum dum sounds, live Indian band, the whole 9 yards !” ( Yaya’s idea of Indian wedding is similar to the wedding at Bend it like Beckham, except for my cousin’s wedding that she attended when she was in grade 3, she has never been to an Indian wedding and I convinced her that all Indian weddings are like in the movie !  What is the fun in a typical Jacobite church wedding??)

“Mom, I want to get married, not scare my future family”

Did anyone notice the implications of what she said? She has got it all down pat, that one day she will get married and that will be her family. As her mother, for me that is the hardest thing to accept..but accept I must.

So my mankkotta ends the day she walks down the aisle and I hand her over to the man and his family.

Yaya is writing her SAT in 2 weeks time. I bought the SAT books for her when we visited US last year. She also had 2 weeks  term break last week that she could have used to revise.

Two days ago , she came to me practically in tears telling me ” Mom, I got my SAT dates wrong, I thought my Maths test is in June, but it is in May, what am I going to do?”

I swear, I contemplated wringing her neck. SAT is one of the most important part of her getting admission to her Uni of choice. Beginning of the school holidays I had told her o start working on her SAT preparation. She had the books for almost 15 months now !

There are only two things I could do. One, yell at her and make her even more miserable, two..tell her she still has enough time to study, 2 weeks is 24 hours x 14 days..that is a lot more than what I had when I was a Medical student and burned the midnight oil often the night before the exams.

Yelling at her was not going to give any benefit to either of us, so I went for option 2. Also roped in friends who are brilliant in Maths, who could help her if she needs help.

Today, I am wondering if I should take a bit of the blame. I am not your typical hands on Mom. I felt my job was to buy her the books and pay the fees. She filled the college board application etc and chose when and where she wanted to write. I didn’t check the details.. Had I done that, then perhaps I would have known that Maths exam is in May.

I guess you can’t just get through life without feeling guilty..

I have no  books to read. That is really not true, I have plenty of text books to read, but that is not really what I want to read. I want my usual dose of romance books. My kids won’t go to the library to get me books because apparently they have a reputation to protect 🙁

I convinced a friend to go to the library for me and I couldn’t give any hints to her as to what books I have already read or the author I like and she got me the books I have already read. I usually go to the library and pick up the books with a heart sticker on it ( romance) and that is brand new. ( I have read all the old ones! ). I don’t even check the name of the author because it is a pointless exercise…. All stories are practically the same theme..so I prefer to waste the least amount of brain cells.

I hate reading ebooks..it just doesn’t feel the same and if you are like me who will occasionally sleep off while reading..then you know kindle falling on the nose hurts a lot more than a paperback!

So we are back to ” I am bored, I have nothing to do”

Imperfections.. ever since the onthu looky period, I haven’t really stood in the mirror to analyse my body. ( You wouldn’t either if you think you look like a gecko)

Since I have nothing much to do.. I thought I shall inspect my body..

I was never really bothered about stretch marks.. I have plenty. I am a mom and stretch marks are part of me. But what I noticed this time was cellulite on my thighs. Ideally I should say ” I have cellulitis, so what?” Like one of those models/celebrity.. But that is not what I did..

I swore using few colourful words and then I checked Dr. Google for miracle cure, then I felt sorry for me and  tried to convince myself that I am being really vain worrying about something really trivial..

But the truth of the matter is.. I am 44..it is inevitable that I will get cellulite..but I still can’t imagine having to wear skirts that are long enough to hide my cellulite.

I hate having to grow old..there I said it.