The last time I saw amma was just before I left for the Airport to catch the flight back home. She was at my Aunt’s house and I went there to say my goodbye to both of them. What I remember the most that day was how beautiful Amma looked.
Amma was living with me for 6 months prior to that. When she came to stay with me, she brought with her one nighty , cream colour with tiny pink roses and a faded black under skirt. There are no nighty shops here and Amma only wanted to wear the achan kuppayam.. every night she washed her nighty and wore it again..and again.. and again for 6 months. She didn’t want to go to the salon for a hair cut either. By the 2nd month, her face had a permanent frown and by the 3rd month, she chose to stay in her room all day and night, often taking the food to her room to eat. I have always believed that a family that eats together stays together and have always made sure that we eat our dinner together and it was really painful to watch my mom taking the food to her room to eat. It made me feel like I am running an inn, not a home.
She didn’t want to go anywhere, didn’t want to spend time with her grandchildren and only spoke to me once a week when it was time to see her favourite mallu serial on youtube..( I just can’t remember the name. if I am not mistaken the ending was rushed because an actor committed suicide) I had no idea how to deal with my mother, more so because she was on a war path with me for no apparent reason. I was so annoyed with her by time I took her to India.. But that day, (when I was leaving), when I saw her, the first thought that came to my mind was ” She looks so beautiful” She wore a baby blue colour nighty, had a hair cut and the frown on her face had gone. I knew, I will never see her again..and I have safely stored that image of my mother in my mind.
It is 3 years since I last saw my mother. They say, time heals..but they are lying. Time doesn’t heal..it torments you every hour of every day..