Mrs. Shelley Cooper

My son calls me Mrs. Shelly Cooper every now and then after Sheldon Cooper of Bing Bang Theory. The first time, he called me Mrs. Shelley Cooper, he was also very clear in telling me that he has named me so,not at all because I am smart like Sheldon, but because of the way I shop.

Apparently in an early episode, Sheldon told Penny to buy female hygiene products in bulk when they are on sale because they are used regularly and don’t have an expiry date.

You see, when I do my grocery shopping, I buy soap, shampoo etc  in bulk if they are on sale. I use Pantene shampoo and conditioner and I have never bought them paying the full price. The same with the laundry detergent. Every 10 weeks, Coles sell  the detergent I use  ( Attack brand)50 % off. I replace my stock every 10 weeks. The marketing strategy used is brilliant. They promote the product by selling it at 50% off and when the soap is finished in the first 6-8 weeks ( 1kg soap = 25 washes, average family will do minimum three loads of washing/week= 12 washes a month) you end up buying it at full price and unless you are smart and buy few boxes of soap the first time and keep replenishing the stock whenever it is on sale, you will end up paying the full price forever !

I am frugal, not because I want to live a miserable life like my mother did, but because I want to spend the money on things I like. I live in a small home, I own nothing fancy ( except my car), I buy most of my clothes from Thrift shops. I am happy with what I have.

Found this article and thought I will share it here.

Frugal habits of the super rich

I am away till Monday.

Have a jolly good weekend.

 

98$

I am pretty handy when it comes to routine house maintenance issues. It isn’t because I am very smart, it is because, I have no choice but to do it by myself.

The first time I learned the valuable lesson of “never ever call a trades man/repair guy” was when I was living in Canada. Yaya wanted to learn to play the piano and I found a cheap Yamaha on the Craig’s list. One key wasn’t working. Yaya and I are ” play by the ear” kind of people and when one key doesn’t work, it bothered both of us..You could distinctly hear that emptiness of the missing note. I found a piano repair guy’s number in the Yellow pages and called him. I explained what is wrong and asked how long it would take to fix it. He said less than an hour. He came, tinkered a bit and suddenly we had 6 keys not working. He spend the next 4 hours fixing the piano and he gave me the bill for 200$. I paid him from the 400$ I set aside to pay the rent. Until that day, I had no idea how expensive it was to call someone to repair something. In Malaysia the same would have cost me less than 50RM. ( To be honest, I would have been able to buy a new Piano instead of repairing the old one)

It was a very hard lesson to learn and I have been careful ever since.

Sometime ago, I needed to change the washer for a leaky tap. I opened the cover for the mains and stared at the valve. I didn’t know which way to turn the bloody thing to close it. My son seeing the puzzled look on my face told me

“Mom, remember, loosey lefty, righty tighty”. Apparently, his skateboard instructor had taught him that. You turn it left to loosen something and right to tighten it.

I was terrified of screwing up the simple chore of changing the washer. I imagined causing the next flood..and a huge water bill. I took a visual image of each item I opened/took out from the tap ensuring that every little detail is stored in my brain, so I knew where it should all go back.For once I wanted to be born as a man, because all these activities comes so natural to them. After plenty of cursing and swearing, I managed to change the washer. Both the tap and Sarah survived to tell the tale.

Few days ago, I was baking meat loafs for my children’s school lunch and the cheese on top wasn’t melting quickly enough and I was running late. I thought, I will use the toaster oven to melt the cheese. I cranked up the heat in the toaster oven. Next thing I know the power to the living room and the garage was gone. I checked the mains and the ELCB was down. I had no idea if the ELCB knob should be down or up. Power to the wifi was down as well. So I couldn’t check the net. I asked my son to use my phone to see if the ELCB knob should be down or up and he thought I was asking him what ELCB was and was looking for that. Obviously, I knew what ELCB was and I was mad at him for not understanding what I was asking him to find out. Since the power was off in two rooms and all the other knobs are in the on position, I assumed ELCB tripped.

I switched off all the plugs and tried to lift the ELCB knob. It stayed in the on position till I switched on one of the plugs. It made no sense to me and I knew there was a leak somewhere. My process of elimination to find out where the leak was a failure. I had to leave home for work and I did. Both my fridge and freezer were not working and I couldn’t afford to throw all the food out. So, I called an electrician and organized him to pick up the key from my neighbour.

I came home to find a bill for 98$. Apparently, my 4 year old toaster oven decided to die and all the electrician did was to  disconnect it completely by removing the plug from the socket. His time is counted hourly plus the GST cost me 98$  ( I swear, in my next life I want to be either a plumber or an electrician)

Instead of switching of all the plugs, I should have pulled all the plugs out and then tried to plug it in one by one. I didn’t know that.

I know 98$ isn’t much. But still, it was my 98 $..there is so much I could have done with my 98$

 

Selfish.

That is me.

Sometime ago, there was an article in the local paper about a very successful woman who was able to manage her career and her children. It was mentioned that she goes to the gym at 4AM every day and then gets back home, prepare breakfast etc and drop her children to school before going to work.

I admire her.

I didn’t register my son for ice hockey when we were in Canada because it meant  that I had to take him for his lessons at 5 AM. But it was not physically possible to get three kids ready early in the morning ( couldn’t leave the kids alone at home because of the child safety laws) and then wait in the car/arena till my son finished his practice. But that was only part of the reason why I didn’t register my son, because if I really wanted, I could have arranged car pooling with other moms. The main reason is, I am selfish when it comes to my time. I love my children more than anything else on earth, but I am not willing to be a super mom. I want to live my life by doing things I really want to do. Getting up early in the morning isn’t one of my favourite things to do. Neither is giving up my Sundays. My son loved ice skating and I think, perhaps if I was a ‘good’ mom, he might have been a famous ice hockey player! ( belum cuba, belum tahu !)

I didn’t want to stop living my life because I became a mother. I loved to sip my tea and read the paper in the morning  before the kids woke up. I loved those moments of quietness in the morning. It was my time..mine alone and I refused to give that up.

My Sundays are again reserved for me. I do not sign the kids up for any sports that has practice/games on Sundays. I sleep in late on Sundays, Then I make a pot of tea and drink it while reading my paper. My son makes breakfast. if the weather is good, I do some gardening. If any of the kids owe me a meal for the 10$ I gave during the week, then that person cook lunch, if not, I cook ela shappadu. Rest of the afternoon I play board/card games with my children. if they have homework to do, then I spend my afternoon learning new things..current passion is embroidery. I used to do Kutch work when I was young. I had forgotten how to do it and the past few sundays I have been spending more time trying to thread the needle because I can’t see the hole in the needle and am too stubborn to ask for help and than learning how to do the stitch.. But I am getting there. I have this delusion of making a skirt for Yaya..like the one I had when I was young. Peacock blue skirt with rows and rows of colourful kutch work and mirror work..

I can give my children  all my time and attention Monday to Saturday from 6.30 AM till 9 PM. But I will keep the early mornings and the Sunday for me.

Selfish, I know,

 

Life according to Sarah

Many many years ago, I read a book called At home on the range by Margaret Yardley Potter. It was among the collection of recipe books that belonged to my grandmother’s best friend. I have never stolen anything ( except amma’s achappam achu, which I asked her nicely and she didn’t give, so I decided to take the achu on a holiday to Malaysia), but I really wanted that book. Unfortunately, the lady who owned the book had eagle eyes and good memory and I was too chicken to do the deed.

I like unusual recipe books, not your standard type of book with photographs and clear instructions. I like to read about stories behind the recipe and I like an author who  understands that cooking is all about common sense.

On my recent visit to the library I was surprised to find that Margaret’s great grand daughter has published the same book again. I was so excited to get my hands on the book and What I liked  the most  is the author writing “there is no substitution for good food or a comfortable bed” The rest of the things can be easily substituted. You can buy furniture from junk yard, clothes from thrift shops, you can even have a home in a trailer park.. But there is no substitute for good food or a comfortable bed.

I know that because I write about Indians and often portraying them in a bad light, I am considered to be anti Indian, which is not true. It Is just that I call a spade a spade and most people feel betrayed when our own kind is writing badly about our own people.

The past two weeks of school holidays, I had a lot of children coming to my house for sleep overs etc. The one thing that set apart the Indian kids and the Caucasian kids is “aarthi” I am sure there is a an English word for it, but I really don’t know the right word. Even for simple thing like chocolates, the Indian kids acted like they have never seen it before.

When I went back home to Malaysia after completing MBBS, with my first salary, I took my cousins out for a meal. It was the famous Lion’s restaurant in Luyang ( Kota Kinabalu). We ordered mixed vege, Japanese tofu in clay pot, steamed fish in soy sauce and a chicken stir fry. What I remember the most is what happened  when the food was served. My cousin’s 11 year old son in his hurry to grab the food before everyone else had a chance, leaned forward so much that he fell off the chair. There definitely was enough food for everyone, but there was no limit to the boy’s aarthi.

Why do our children behave this way? Is it because  we give the least importance to food at home and are more concerned about fripperies that makes us feel rich?

What do you like

There was an article in the latest edition of Better Homes and Garden asking the readers what do you like about your house?

That got me thinking.

I wanted something unique, like one of the display homes that you see in better homes and garden magazine. a home that comes alive with my creativity..

Now, there is the problem. I have not a single creative bone in my body. Each room in my house is painted in a different colour ( I love bright colours) All my furniture are mismatched. I change my living room décor every season. ( like they say, there is no limit to madness)

My house certainly doesn’t look like any display home you ever saw.

But what I really like about my home?

It is the laughter. You can often hear my children laugh.

Yesterday my son was telling me ” Mom, did you know if you drop a raisin in to a flat champagne, it would bring the fizz back?”

“What is the scientific reason behind your logic?” I asked

He didn’t know. So I told him ” Toothless, you are always half cooked because you never find out the full scientific reason. I should name you half cooked toothless dragon”

“Half cooked?” Saying that he lifted his arm, checked the colour and then pointed his brown skin and told me ” Mom, you are wrong, I am well done”

And we laughed so much. That is what means the most to me.

Btw, adding a raising to flat champagne will make it fizz, but all that the raisin is doing is providing a nucleation site for the remaining carbon dioxide in the champagne and though you see it fizzing, it will make it even more flat. ( you can see the effect by dropping a raising in to a glass of coke/sprite etc)

What do you like about your home?

 

 

Shocked..

My son has been working on a robot prototype that can be used in Mines. Every Wednesday, you can find me glued in front of the telly at 9 pm watching Criminal Minds. I am a sucker for Mentalist and Criminal minds. Now that it is school holidays and that his mom is sitting without a book, my son decided to join me and he brought along his robot to show me the features. During ad break he would explain to me about his robot and then keep it on the floor.

Mothers have a sixth sense and mine said keeping his precious robot on the floor isn’t a smart thing to do. So I told him “Son. living room floor isn’t a safe place to keep the robot, please keep your robot in your room and I will have a look at it afterwards”

He ignored me.

Because baby is only 11, she isn’t allowed to watch Criminal minds and she came to me during the ad break to ask me the meaning of a word that was in her book. Obviously her head was inside the book and she didn’t see the robot on the floor.

Those of you who watched rape scenes in Mallu movies in the mid 70’s would have seen the man running..the deer running..man running fast, deer running fast, man running faster..deer running faster..( then I honestly don’t remember what happend, I was too mesmerised by the music increasing in tempo and all the running !)

And in this case everything happened just the opposite..in slow motion..baby taking each step and walking towards me while still reading her book, me about to scream watch out and my son leaping from the couch to grab his robot before she stepped on it.

Fortunately she didn’t completely step on the robot, but she knocked some off the sensors off.

My son grabbed his robot from the floor, examined the damage. He did try to go after his sister, but I told him No, she has a right to walk in the common areas of the house without stepping on things, because each member of the family has a duty of care.

Meanwhile he was still sitting at the foot of the chaise and the next thing I know, he pushed my feet off the chaise in his anger.

He looked like a puffer fish, albeit red in colour and was shaking in anger.

His actions bothered me very much. First of all, I warned him not to leave his robot on the floor. secondly, what is the point in getting angry when something breaks? Your anger doesn’t bring it back to its original shape.

It isn’t that I didn’t understand his frustrations.. I know how much work he has put in to his robot. But he is the one who chose to keep it on the floor in the living room and he is the one who is angry with me, when I have done nothing.

He apologized for his actions later..

But it still feels unsettling..One day he will be a husband and a father and I worry if  he is going to be like his father?

 

 

15

Yaya is 15 years old now.

When I started this blog in Oct 2005,She was 7 years old. I still remember holding her hand and walking with her to her first day as a grade 2 student in Canada. She was wearing a pink barbie jumper, barbie shoes and her hair was tied in two small pig tails. It took me more than three attempts to tie her hair exactly the same way she wanted. When the bell rang, all the kids had to line up and the respective teachers came out of the classroom, greeted the class and guided the students back to the class. I remember checking the height of the other children and sighed gladly to myself that Yaya wasn’t the shortest !

Currently, she has a layered hair style. She changes her hairstyle every other month by saying “it is just hair, it will grow again”  Unlike my mother who came with me each time I had a hair cut and told the hairstylist what hair cut I should have, I let Yaya go to the salon on her own. It is her hair and she should decide what style she wants. She will not even admit that she once liked Barbie.

I also remember how horrible life at home with my mother was when I was 15 years old. At that time all I wanted was to run away from home and I know for sure that if I wasn’t a girl and was a boy, I would have.

I ensure that there are no conflicts in my home, because I want my children to feel safe in their own home.

I do not insult them or their feelings. I do not call them names. I do not belittle their friends. A very dear friend of Yaya is going through teenage rebellion at home. Ideally, I would like Yaya not to have friends like that, because she is in an impressionable age group now and can pick up bad habits from other kids of similar age. But I also know that I have raised Yaya well and that she is old enough to know what is right and what is wrong. I feel, I can’t protect Yaya from all the bad things in life, all I can do is to be there for her.

I am pretty honest with my children and talk to them about everything. Instead of saying “no sexting”, I told them how a single photo is all one needs to be blackmailed. I told them about Amanda Todd and Rehtaeh.

I do not snoop, I don’t check their phone, email, facebook etc because I don’t see any benefit trying to spy on your children. After all, the more my mother spied, the more creative I became!

As my children are growing up and are in their teens,  I realized is that the only thing that really matters is “trust”

I have had 15 years to teach Yaya what is right and wrong, now I trust her to make the right choices. It isn’t that I am letting her fly free, I still have the string in my hand, while she the kite can soar among the clouds..

My advice to Yaya on her 15th Birthday

“All dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them ” Walt Disney.

 

I am awesomely handsome..

Sometimes, little things make you laugh and laugh..

This was by my son.

Few days ago, I was driving my children to a dinner party. Yaya got dressed to the nines and as she got in to the car my son asked her

“Why are you wearing a jacket?”

I thought the above question was really retarded. My car on board display showed the temperature outside was 13 degrees and how else was one supposed to keep warm?

“Because I am cold, Duh” She replied. Then she noticed that her brother is also wearing a jacket. so she asked him ” Why are you wearing a jacket?”

This I had to see and I watched my son tilt his head to one side, give his trademark grin and reply

“Because I am awesomely handsome”

I wish I could describe the look on Yaya’s face at that moment..

As for me, I am still laughing..

 

Sad…

I met her when I was attending my children’s school concert 3 years ago. Like me, she is an ethnic Indian. But our children are in different grades and now that my older two are  in high school, I hardly get a chance to go to the primary school.

I was doing my cross country training early one morning when our paths crossed. If I could use one word to describe her, it would be “distraught”.

So I asked her ” Are you alright?”

I have been living without any sort of family support most of my life and I know more than anyone, how it feels to live away from home. And I assumed she is upset because someone, perhaps her parents/siblings is sick back in her home country and she can’t afford to go back home. I also go for walks when I don’t want my children to see me cry. So I thought, if I could offer any comfort, then so be it.

But it wasn’t so.

She is a teacher. But all her life, she wanted to be a nurse and finally she decided to study nursing and got the admission. But her husband won’t support her. He is adamant that he married a teacher and that is what she is going to be, At the moment, Qld Health is sacking nurses and there is an over supply of nurses, he is using that as the excuse and won’t give her any money to buy her text books etc. So she works as a relief teacher for two days and study the 5 days each week. But now that it is school holidays, she is lost, the reason she is distraught. Before, she was home when her kids had school holidays and now her husband has decreed that she can’t leave her 14 year old and 12 year old alone at home while she is at the Uni. Missing 2 weeks of classes isn’t easy and she was thinking of quitting. ( Her husband won’t let her send her children to other people’s home nor would give her money to pay for a child minder)

Years ago, a classmate of mine once said, she will never forget how her parents fought when her mother got admission to do DM in Cardiology and her father didn’t. Her father refused to let her mother do the DM ( if she did, then she would be more qualified than her husband)

They say behind every successful man, there is a woman, What about behind every successful woman?

Behind every successful woman you see, there are so many who never get there..