My son has been working on a robot prototype that can be used in Mines. Every Wednesday, you can find me glued in front of the telly at 9 pm watching Criminal Minds. I am a sucker for Mentalist and Criminal minds. Now that it is school holidays and that his mom is sitting without a book, my son decided to join me and he brought along his robot to show me the features. During ad break he would explain to me about his robot and then keep it on the floor.
Mothers have a sixth sense and mine said keeping his precious robot on the floor isn’t a smart thing to do. So I told him “Son. living room floor isn’t a safe place to keep the robot, please keep your robot in your room and I will have a look at it afterwards”
He ignored me.
Because baby is only 11, she isn’t allowed to watch Criminal minds and she came to me during the ad break to ask me the meaning of a word that was in her book. Obviously her head was inside the book and she didn’t see the robot on the floor.
Those of you who watched rape scenes in Mallu movies in the mid 70’s would have seen the man running..the deer running..man running fast, deer running fast, man running faster..deer running faster..( then I honestly don’t remember what happend, I was too mesmerised by the music increasing in tempo and all the running !)
And in this case everything happened just the opposite..in slow motion..baby taking each step and walking towards me while still reading her book, me about to scream watch out and my son leaping from the couch to grab his robot before she stepped on it.
Fortunately she didn’t completely step on the robot, but she knocked some off the sensors off.
My son grabbed his robot from the floor, examined the damage. He did try to go after his sister, but I told him No, she has a right to walk in the common areas of the house without stepping on things, because each member of the family has a duty of care.
Meanwhile he was still sitting at the foot of the chaise and the next thing I know, he pushed my feet off the chaise in his anger.
He looked like a puffer fish, albeit red in colour and was shaking in anger.
His actions bothered me very much. First of all, I warned him not to leave his robot on the floor. secondly, what is the point in getting angry when something breaks? Your anger doesn’t bring it back to its original shape.
It isn’t that I didn’t understand his frustrations.. I know how much work he has put in to his robot. But he is the one who chose to keep it on the floor in the living room and he is the one who is angry with me, when I have done nothing.
He apologized for his actions later..
But it still feels unsettling..One day he will be a husband and a father and I worry if he is going to be like his father?
Teenagers are slaves to their hormones and every incident is enacted with all the passion of a silent screen melodrama. i’m pretty sure his actions were fuelled by frustration and anger at himself deflected onto you for being right! From everything you’ve ever said about ‘toothless’ i have a picture of a sweet, mischievous funny boy who will no doubt grow up to be a loving nurturing husband and father. Violent men tend to have grown around and/or been subjected to violence themselves. In your case you found the strength and resolution to take your children away from
violence within the home when they were infants. I believe it’s very much nurture not nature.
Jay: My son is all that you wrote, but when I saw the anger and associated violence, he reminded me of his father..and it scared me. I hope this was just hormones..
Just because he got angry does not mean he is going to be violent as an adult. We all get angry, If you are worrying about it, best to talk to him when he is calm and you are not feeling upset any more..
Ms: It wasn’t his anger than bothered me much. It was the way he pushed me off the couch..odichal lekkillenkil moothammakkirunnottey was what my grandmother used to say each time my father got angry and went after his mother.
Mone parinchu manasilakku. Discussing what upset you might be good.
MS: I did. I told him, one day he will be a husband and a father and I hope he will remember that a good man is the one who can keep calm in times of trouble..
I have always wondered, yours was an arranged marriage or you found your husband. Was he an indian raised person, or an indian living abroad, or an indian living in India, who moved to where you lived after marriage. you have strong memories, why you never speak about that part of your life. Do you still share child custody with him, how your intereaction with him are? How do you manage your kid’s expectations about their father? I ask you all this, because you talk about abuse from your mother, and the damage it casued to you. It makes other people not feel so alone. More over, I wanted to know, why you never bring up that part of your life, and I can understand it can be painfull to live some memories. I was just curious to know.
🙂