Upadeshi appachan and fridge ammachi

By the time Ammachi and I sat down to have our dinner, it was already dark. We don’t have a clock to check the time and I asked Ammachi
“What time do you think it is, Ammachi?”
The kitchen door was still open and Ammachi looked outside.
“hmmm..it is the same time as yesterday Nina.”
“Go Ammachi, I know it is the same time as yesterday, what I asked was what time as yesterday is it now?” I was grinning by now
“oh!!!”
“Must be about 9Pm”.
After dinner, I walked with Ammachi to the well and helped her to wash the dishes. It was eerily silent and the only sound I could hear was the crickets chirping occasionally. I hate crickets. In the middle of the night, when there is absolute stillness they start their orchestra.
After washing all the dishes, Ammachi walked towards the cattle shed. I didn’t want to walk with her. I thought she might be going to check on the cows.
“Nina, come here”
Ammachi was already on the other side of the cattle shed and I couldn’t see her. I looked at the ground to see if I could spot any shiny snake eyes. Each step I took the dried leaves were getting crushed under my feet. I couldn’t take anymore and ran to Ammachi by literally tiptoeing on the ground.
In the clearing near the cattle shed, Ammachi was looking at the sky.
She pointed the stars and tried to teach me how to find the north.
“When you look at the sun in the morning, your right hand is south and left hand is North., In the night look for the north star, that will point you to the north.” I quickly nodded my head, the faster I agree to all Ammachi says, the faster we can go back to the safety of our house.
All of a sudden upadeshi appachan started to speak. He stays 10 furlong away from our house. I hate him. Every time I go to the market with Ammachi, upadeshi appachan would stop us. He would then start questioning me
“Who was Hannah?”
“How many verses are in the bible?”
“what is the longest chapter in the bible?”
Ammachi always saves me by saying
“she just came from Malaya, give her time, she will learn everything in the bible soon.
Upadeshi appachan works as a layminister for the Pentecost church. He thinks he is entrusted with spreading the gospel. In the middle of the night when everyone is home and relaxed, upadeshi appachan starts his preaching. He would sit on his house veranda, use a megaphone and start his lecture.
“why can’t the fridge ammachi give her husband some medicine and make him sleep in the night? I asked Ammachi
Then it occured to me” Ammachi, why does everyone calls her fridge ammachi?”
“That is a long story Nina”
Ammachi started to laugh thinking about it and as we walked back home, she told me the story.
“One day, Joyce, wife of Mathew from the aiyroor house bought a new fridge. It was the first fridge in Chengannur. Everyone went to see the fridge. Joyce wouldn’t let anyone touch the fridge, telling it would get spoiled. upadeshi appachan’s wife Mariamma and Joyce were classmates. Mariamma couldn’t bear to see Joyce acting big and walking like a society lady and pestered upadeshi appachan to buy her a fridge. Finally upadeshi appachan relented and bought her a fridge. Fridge came all the way from Kottayam and it arrived in the late afternoon. upadeshi wasn’t home when the fridge was delivered.
That evening when upadeshi came home , he wanted to take a bath. He went to the cupboard and couldn’t find any of his clothes.
By then the news of the new fridge at Mariamma’s house spread like wildfire and all the ladies including Joyce heard about the new fridge and came to view and compare whose is bigger and better.
upadeshi appachan came out of his room screaming and asking his wife, where are his clothes?
Everyone looked at his wife and she walked with head hled high and opened the fridge door.
There inside the fridge are all his clothes neatly folded and sorted.. Jubbas on the top shelf, mundu at the bootom shelf..Powder on the side,comb and the shaver kept neatly inside the butter tray.

Mango Season

I love mangoes. Ripe or unripe, it didn’t matter. Unripe ones are eaten with salt and chillipowder and the ripe ones are eaten right away. There were 12 mango trees in Chengannur house.
Ammachi was directing Kutten, who was on top of the tree plucking the mangoes.
Kutten was supposed to place the mangoes inside a sack and gently lower it to the ground. Suddenly he used his hands to scratch his body and the entire sack dropped to the ground with a thud.
“Kuttan, How many times did I tell you, these are meant for pickling and if there is a small blemish on the mango, it will spoil the pickle?. Now you see, I can’t use any of these mangoes for pickle.”
aiyo Ammachi, I dropped them accidentally. This tree is full of red ants!”
“hmmm”Ammachi grunted. “You are a panjara that is why the ants are fond of you”
Kutten knows when to shut up. He carefully placed the mangoes in the sack and slowly lowered them to the ground.
Seeing Kutten balancing on top of the tree, I too felt the urge to climb.
“Ammchi,Can I climb the tree and pluck mangoes for you? I promise I won’t drop any of them.”
“You want to climb a tree?” Ammachi’s eyes widened. She looked very much like Goddess Kali on war path.
I suddenly hoped the earth would open and swallow me.
“You, Methran Thampi’s grand daughter wants to climb a tree?”
I shook my head vigorously, hoping my actions would be louder than the words.
“Orthodox Syrian Christian girls don’t climb trees and if I ever saw you climbing, Nina Thomas, I will break your legs”.
“have I made myself clear to you?”She asked
I nodded my head again
I looked up and saw Kutten covering his mouth and trying to control his laughter. I got so mad at him and the moment Ammachi turned I placed both my hands on my ears, moved my fingers and stuck my tongue at him. Before he could react and tell Ammachi, I walked away dignified.

After plucking and sorting all the mangoes meant for sale, Kutten and Ammachi counted the sacks. There were 15 sacks of mangoes.
“How much do you think we will get this time?”Ammachi asked Kutten
“may be about 100RS”. Kutten replied.
“hmm, Ammachi nodded her head, I hope we will get some money. I have to buy a new pump for the paddy.”
“What did the repair guy say?”Kutten asked Ammachi
“He said, the pump is beyond repair”
“hmm” Kutten nodded his head.
“I will go and call Hajiar”. Kutten said and he walked to the market.
Hajiar is our dealer in the market. He always pays on time.

Ammachi and I were sitting on the Veranda.
“Nina, bring me a mango and a knife”
I went to the kitchen and took one from the sacks. The mango skin looked nice and smooth.
Ammachi placed an old newspaper on her lap and slowly peeled the mango skin. The flesh looked beautiful ornage shade. Ammachi sliced the mangoes and that is when we saw the black spot on the seed.
“What is it Ammachi? I asked her
“They are worm eggs Nina, the fly lays the eggs when the trees were flowering and the worms will come out when the mango is ripe”.
“Nina, bring me another mango”
I ran to the kitchen and took another mango.
“Ammachi sliced the mango and we could see that it too had the black spot.
“Nina, run to the market and find Kutten, Tell him we are not selling the mangoes this time”
“Why are we not selling Ammachi?”
“Nina, because there are worms in it”
“But nobody will know it Ammachi.”
“true Nina, no one will know”
“But imagine a poor farmer going to the market to buy mangoes for his kids. May be he only had a few coins and he bought just one mango. If it is our mango and he goes home and find the worms in it, how upset he would be? We don’t need the money stained with curses Nina.
“Now run along Nina, find Kutten and tell him the message”

luck..

Ammachi made puttu and kadala for breakfast. Chakki took puttu and kadala for her and Kutten and went to the back yard. Ammachi joined me at the table. She gave me the puttu with most amount of coconut in it. Then she took the coconut from her puttu and gave me that as well.
I slowly mixed the hot puttu with the curry and started to eat. I told Ammachi
“I am very unlucky Ammachi!”
“Why do you say that Nina?”
“Look at me Ammachi, I have to wear this soda glasses and now I am deaf as well!”
“There is no such thing as luck Nina” she said
“Ofcourse there is luck, otherwise how does people win lottery ticket?” I asked her.
” It is destiny Nina”
“What is destiny Ammachi?”
“when you are born, it is already decided by God, what your life going to be.”
I didn’t understand and I looked at Ammachi for more explanation.
“Nina, When I gave birth to your father, everyone in our village said I am very lucky. When I gave birth to your aunty 2 years later, everyone again said I am very lucky, now that I gave birth to a boy and a girl. When your grandfather died 6 months after your aunty was born, everyone said I am unlucky. I bought death to the family. I am unlucky and cursed to lose my husband before I was 18 years old.”
“It was my destiny to give birth to your father and your aunty, and it was my destiny to be a widow. It has nothing to do with luck.”
” If it is my destiny, why God only made me deaf and blind and not my sisters?”
Ammachi looked at me and smiled. I know that is a naughty smile when Ammachi turns her tongue to one side and bite as though she is controlling the arrival of the punch line.
“Nina, You know what we can do, we will go to the post office and make a phone call to God today and ask him that question”
“Go ammachi, you know God doesn’t have a phone”
“Then you should know Nina, your question has no answer”.
“Ammachi, why doesn’t Kochumol aunty ever come here?”
“Because I told her not to.”
“She is your daughter, how can you tell her like that?”
“She is married and she should stay at her husband’s home”
“What if her husband’s family is mean to her?”
“Nina, that is her destiny”.
“But Kochammai stayed in our house after her marriage” I argued.
“Ofcourse she did, her father was still alive. But I am alone here, I have done my work. Got your aunt educated and married off to a suitable guy. My duties and responsabilities are over Nina.”
I once overheard Amma telling Jacob Uncle that on the night of the wedding,Ammachi actually advised Kochumol aunty, to jump in the husband’s family well and kill herself, if her marriage didn’t work.
I wanted to know if my grandmother really told her one and only daughter to kill herself if her marriage didn’t work.
“Ammachi, is it true you told Kochumol aunty to jump in the well and kill herself?”
“Ofcourse I did. What will she do in this house? This land belongs to your father, and where will she go after I die? Who will marry a woman who ran away from her huband’s house? There is nothing she would achieve by coming back home, so isn’t it better that she killed herself in her husband’s home? Besides it is her husband’s family that would be shamed, not ours”.
I still couldn’t understand how my sweet gentle grandmother could be so mean and I told her that
“You are mean Ammachi”
Ammachi shook her head denying”No Nina, I am practical”

three little pigs

I dropped the laundry down when i saw them. i wasn’t sure what they were. They looked the same colour as the three little pigs in Maria’s fairy tale book. It had four legs and a small tail.
I ran out of the house screaming
“Ammachi, there are piglets in your laundry basket”.
I couldn’t find where Ammachi was, then I saw Chakki and Kutten walking on the bund. I ran to Chakki and told her about the three little piglets.
“Piglets?,in our house?” Chakki looked at me suspeciously.
I pulled her hands and dragged her inside the house and we went to the store room.
I slowly moved the laundry and showed Chakki the piglets.
Chakki started laughing and I didn’t understand what was so funny.
Hearing Chakki laugh Ammachi came to see what is all the big ruckus inside the house.
Chakki showed Ammachi the three little pigs and Ammachi too started laughing.
I looked at Ammachi and then at Chakki, and in between their laughter Ammachi told me
“Nina, these are baby rats”
“But Ammachi, they are pink colour and rats are black”
“Oh Nina, these are new born baby rats and they are pink”.
Chakki took a sheet from the newspaper and gently placed the baby rats inside.
“What are you going to do to them?”I asked Chakki
“I am going to throw them outside, so they won’t grow and eat all our food”
On her way out, I saw Chakki talking to Kutten and both of them were laughing at me.
I was angry with Chakki and with myself for being a fool.
Ammachi called me from the kitchen
“Nina come and have your drink “
“I don’t want”
“Nina, are you sure you don’t want to drink my special coffee with ghee?”
Ammachi makes her own coffee powder from the coffee beans she harvest in our farm. She makes black coffee and add sugar and home made ghee for me.
Amma won’t let me have coffee at home. Ammachi made me promise not to tell Amma about the coffee.
I like Ammachi’s black coffee with ghee. I was hungry and I grudginly went to the kitchen to have my drink. I saw Ammachi was trying to control her laughter. I sat on the bench and I couldn’t take any more and started crying.
“Oh Nina, my child, what will I do with you”. Ammachi came and hugged me.

Morning in Chengannur house

Ammachi and i went out together. First, she opened the chicken coop. The chooks were dying to get out of their confined home. They were jostling their way out, pushing and pecking each other to move and get out. Ammachi took a handful of wheat and threw it on the ground. The roosters were chasing and pecking the hens so only they could eat the wheat. Seeing that Ammachi threw another handful of wheat away from the first place. The roosters ran to the new place. It was fun watching the hens and roosters cheating and pecking and fighting with each other.
My stomach was growling and I asked Ammachi
“Ammachi, can we eat something first before we feed all the animals?”
Ammachi looked at me and said
“Nina, just because an animal can’t talk, doesn’t mean that, you take care of them as and when you feel like. You must always remember, you are alive because of them”
“Ammachi, I am alive, because I eat my food”
“True Nina, and where does that food come from?”
I understood what Ammachi was trying to tell me.
We went to the cattle shed. When Manikutty when saw me, she tried to pull the rope and run away from me. She probably remembered, how I tried to pull her tugging the rope last time I came to Chengannur.
Ammachi cleaned the floor first, then got new hay for Karambi from the haystalk. she sat on the floor to milk Karambi. I felt yucky seeing the way Ammachi was milking the cow.
I walked away. I was hungry and there was nothing to eat.
When Ammachi saw me leaving she told me
“Nina, bring the dirty clothes from the basket”
“What do you want me to do with it”?
“You can help me to soak the clothes in soap, so Chakki can wash as soon as she comes”
Ok, I said
Ammachi uses an old rattan basket for laundry. It is kept near the store room. I took the clothes and it was then I saw them, nestled in the middle of the basket.
three little pink baby pigs!!!.

summer in Chengannur

Summer in Kerala is nothing but heat, flies and scarcity of water. But summer in Chengannur is finding out who you really are and what matters to you most. Summer is the time to learn about one woman’s struggle to live life in her own terms. Summer is also the time to learn that good things in life don’t last and the first rain is the sign that soon school would open and you would have to go back.
Life in the farm was not easy but it was peaceful. I sleep with Ammachi in her room. But not on the same bed.
I tried to get Ammachi to let me sleep with her.
She said, “Nina, I have been sleeping alone for so many years, I can’t sleep if you sleep with me”
I get to sleep on the coir bed. The mattress is thin and I can feel the coir ropes that hold the bed frame poking through the mattress. I like my foam mattress in my parents home. But I don’t complain.
Early morning, before the first rays of sun hit Chengannur, Ammachi would wake up. She sits on the bed, comb her hair and tie it in a bun. Then she would light the hurricane lamp. I can hear her walking towards my bed. She lifted the hurricane lamp and checked my face. I shut my eyes tightly and pretend to be deep in sleep. I don’t want to take part in the morning prayer rituals. Whenever we stay at Chengannur, Ammachi would make us read the bible. Maria taught me the secret to survive the morning bible reading session at Chengannur
“Nina, for the old testament, read genesis 25, v 12-18.psalm 117, and for the new testament 2nd or 3rd John.” She has also marked those chapters in Ammachi’s bible by folding the top right corner of the page.
Ammachi starts the morning prayer by singing a hymn. Amma says Ammachi knows only one song. I think it is true. She always sing the same song, often out of tune and sometimes with different stanzas. Amma calls it potta pattu.
She took the bible and started to read, first a chapter from the old testament, then a psalm then a chapter from the new testament. After reading the bible, she got up to check on me again and I didn’t even breath, so she would think that I am deep in sleep. I didn’t want to be caught now. I know Ammachi is going to kneel down and pray and there is no way I can kneel on the rough cement without moving every few seconds. Ammachi expects me to kneel, ‘steady like a vadi’ and if I move, she would pinch me.
She went back to her bed, knelt down and started praying, first thanking for all the blessings we have, then she started naming each and everyone in our extended family and asked for blessing, then she named all the dearly departed souls and then all our neighbours, then for all our domestic animals. She especially prayed for Karambi, requesting for more milk. By now the blue colour has reached the sky and the birds started to chirp. I can hear Karambi mooing in the cattle shed. I desperately wanted Ammachi to end her praying sessions, so I could get something to eat.
After the prayer, Ammachi got up and went to the kitchen. I counted to 100 before I got up from the bed.
“Ammachi, I am thirsty”, I spoke as I entered the kitchen.
Ammachi nodded her head. She opened the door and went out.

Summer holidays

Summer holidays were the best part of my childhood. Schools in Kerala would close by the third week of March and for me, it is a relief when school closes. I am free of homework and imposition for 2 long wonderful months.
I didn’t want to stay in Kottayam with my parents. There was nothing to do at home, besides Amma has arranged tuition for me. Summer holidays meant vacation not tuition. I decided to pester my father.
I saw him sitting on the rattan chair in the veranda drinking his tea and reading the paper.
“Appa” I called out to him softly
He looked up and frowned.
I walked to him and sat on his lap.
“Can I ask you something?”
“hmmm”
“Can I please go to chengannur?”
“Why do you want to go there?”
I tried to think of a good reason. The only reason I want to go there is because I don’t want to attend tuition class.
“I like Ammachi and I want to spend time with her”.
“Did you ask your mother for permission?”
“No la”
Oops. I uttered the ‘la’ word. I quickly used my hand to cover my mouth. Amma has forbidden us from using ‘la’ at home. She didn’t want anyone to know that we are Malaysians. Foreigners have to pay more fees at the universities.
I looked at my father’s face to see if he is angry with me for using ‘la’. He had a crooked smile on his face.
Finally he relented.
“ OK,Nina, You can stay there when we go there for Easter vacation”
“You mean I can stay there till May?”
He nodded and I was so happy, I hugged and kissed him.
“But remember Nina, don’t disobey Ammachi or play with water”
“Ok la” I replied and he laughed.
Easter was only 6 days away and I was counting every minute, so I could go to Chengannur. Maria hated to go there and Amma thinks Liza and Sally are too young to stay with Ammachi.
I went to bed on saturday evening happy thinking about the 2 months holidays in Chengannur. Blissful 2 months without Maria.
I woke up hearing my father screaming. I quickly got up and ran to my parents bedroom. Appa was already holding Amma’s hair and pushing and throwing her against the wall. Akkachi was holding Liza and Sally and all were crying. I tried to squeeze between my father and mother and Appa pushed me away
“Get lost Nina, Don’t you dare come in between.I had enough of your mother and I am going to finish her off today”. Appa dropped Amma and ran to the kitchen.
I asked Akkachi, ‘where is the knife?’.
I saw her face and knew instantly the knife is some where out on the kitchen table and not where Akkachi is supposed to keep so it would be hidden from Appa. I pulled everyone inside and quickly shut the door. Akkachi and Maria helped me to close the door. All of us leaned our body against the door.My father started to kick the door and my mother started to yell,
“Open the door Nina, let him finsih us all off”. Hearing my mother my father started to kick the door harder.
“Open the door Nina, before I break this door” he yelled
“Open it you stupid child” my mother screamed
Sally started to howl and I saw her wettingt her pyjamas. Liza was struggling to breath. I wanted my mother to shut her mouth.
“Amma please keep quiet”.
But she continued to scream like a woman possessed. For a moment I wanted to tape her mouth, so she would just shut up.
That moment I knew, if the door gives way we would all be dead.
“Liza, hold Sally and use the blanket and hide under the bed” I tried to speak calmly. But my heart was beating too fast. If the door gave way, I wanted their life to be spared.
I don’t know when my father stopped kicking the door. But at sometime during the madness the kicking stopped. There was eery calmth.My mother was lying on the floor bruised and my younger sisters were hiding under the bed and looking at me scared. Maria and Akkachi were still leaning against the door.
I didn’t have the courage to open the door. I didn’t know if my father was still standing outside with the knife in his hand ready to pounce the moment I opened the door.

Om Freem Kuttichathan

My father was sitting on the ratan easy chair outside the house reading the news paper. My mother walked to him and said.
“You better earn more money for the dowry, our wonderful daughter is deaf”. My father looked at me and went back to read the paper. Amma went inside the house. Nobody asked me anything and I felt strange standing in front of the house and wondered if I am welocome to go inside or out.
I quietly walked to my spot inside the banana-tree thicket. My heart felt heavy thinking of the enormous financial burden I brought to my family. May be I would join a convent, then they wouldn’t have to marry me and pay dowry. I imagined wearing the nuns habit and walking eerily in the convent. The convent near the Kottayam railway station has a silent room, where nuns spend months without uttering a word. What will I do when my sisters come to visit me in the convent? How will I not talk to my own sisters?
I heard the sound of dried leaves getting crushed and someone walking. I looked up. It was Akkachi.
“Oh. So this is your hiding spot eh Nina?”
She came and sat next to me.
“Did you hear the bad news Akkachi?”
“hmm”
“Akkachi, why am I being punished like this? I have to wear a spectacles and now I am deaf as well. Maria, Liza and Sally don’t have to go through any such troubles”
“you know Nina, you are not really deaf. You can still hear me speaking to you”
I nodded.
“Nina, some people are born without legs, some are born without hands, some are born without a head”
I looked at her surprised.
“ oh Akkachi how can anyone be born without any head?”
Akkachi hit her forehead with her hand and said “Oh god, where did I leave my brain today?”
“True Nina, how can anyone being born without a head!”
We both started laughing.
She held me and we must have sat there for a while.
She got up and gave me her hand and pulled me up.
“Nina I must go and cook dinner before everyone gets angry, what do you want to eat tonight?”
“Akkachi,Will you make Biriyani for me?”
“Aha!!” Only biriyani? You want some onion salad with that?
I nodded my head, “with yogurt and tomato”.
“I will give you now” said Akkachi.
Akkachi closed her eyes, waved her hand in the air muttering
“om freem kuttichathan, bring me Chicken Biriyani and a big bowl of onion salad with yogurt and tomato”
I stared at her hand hoping to see the Biriyani vessel appearing in her hand.
She opened her hands and showed me. No biriyani, only an empty sweaty palm.
She shook her head disappointed and said“Oh Nina, my magic is not working today, may be we will try again on sunday!”
“Go akkachi,” I knew she was pulling my leg and I started chasing her.

When I went to my room I saw Maria using my sketch pens. Uncle Jacob gave me those pens when he came. He also gave a set for Maria, but she doesn’t want to use her, so hers will last longer.
“Give me back my sketch pens”
“neh neh neh”. She held the sketch pens higher
I pulled the paper she was colouring and it tore. Maria was mad at me and she yelled
“Nina thomas, deaf and dumb and blind”
I could feel my heart breaking. I am not deaf and dumb and blind. I ran to Amma crying and told her
“Amma, Maria calls me deaf and dumb and blind”
“Nina, why do you cry for everything, just ignore your sister”

Mrs. David

Mrs David and my mother were former classmates. The main reason my mother wanted me to study at Stanley School was because Mrs David is teaching there. I was really worried why she wanted to see my mother. May be Mrs Mathew and Mrs david must have discussed about my homework. I tried to explain. She just walked off.

When I came back home, I saw Amma was in the kitchen, leaning on the gas cylinder, drinking her coffee and talking to Akkachi. I tried to read her face to see when is the best time to announce my death sentence.
“Amma, I need a new english work book”
“ok”
She only said OK, instead of the usual ‘what happend to the previous one to in my days how one book was sufficient for the entire school year to how expensive the books are now a days.’
Perhaps it is a good sign
“Amma, Mrs. David wants to see you tomorrow”
“What did you do Nina this time?”. She stood up and I ran out of the kitchen. I didn’t want get beaten now. I could hear her yelling. “Nina Thomas, come back here now”
I quickly went to my usual hiding spot, inside the banana-tree thicket. It is my spot. I tried to be very careful not to touch the tree sap as I entered the thicket. The sap would stain my clothes. I squatted on the floor and pulled a leaf over me. I could hear Amma screaming my name and searching for me. I crouched down further, tugging my clothes, so she won’t see my uniform through the gaps in the thicket.
From where I sat I could see Appa coming home with Liza and Sally. I know it is safe for me to come out and I slowly crept out.
I avoided amma the whole evening by staying close to my father. They were not talking to each other and I was safe with my father. I ate dinner my with Appa. Amma stayed in the kitchen while we ate. After I dinner I went to bed straight, claiming I am tired.
The whole of tuesday I spend worrying about the impending earth qauke. Just before the dismiss bell rang I sw my mother walking to the staff room. I thought of running away, but I had no money for the bus ticket.
I waited for my mother outside the staff room. She came out staring at me.
“Nina, did you have any problems hearing your teacher in the class?”
I asked “Why amma?”
“Mrs. David thinks you may have some hearing problems”
I didn’t want to tell amma that I could never hear anything the teachers said in the class.
Because Mrs David insisted on getting the hearing test, Amma took me to the Kottayam District hospital to get the check up. The doctor asked me my name and I responded. Then he closed his mouth with a paper and I had no idea what he was saying. He then placed a tuning fork on my head and asked me if i could hear it in both ears. I wasn’t sure.
He told my mother
“your daughter certainly has hearing problems. How bad is it, we can only find out with an audiogram”
I was given an appointment the next day for an audiogram. The report showed that I only have 70 % hearing ability in one ear and completely deaf in the other ear. The doctor suggested further check up at All India Institute of hearing in Mysore. After getting the report from the Doctor and as we were walking out of the hospital my mother told me,
“ I had asked Dr.Ching to abort you and he assured me since I had measles in my 4th month it won’t affect the baby”
As we walked home I wasn’t sure what mattered the most, The fact that I am deaf, or the fact that my own mother wanted to abort me.
We walked past the shrine for Mary, mother of God in front of BCM college and I saw the lighted sign “Ave Maria”. Every time I pass in front of that shrine, I said my Novena. Today I was angry with Mary, mother of God for making me this imperfect. I didn’t say my novena.

Oh Maria

“Maria”
She must have torn my homework when I went to Changannur. She knew I would get in to trouble. During the interval I saw Maria coming to the playground with her friends. They were all looking at me and laughing.
I told to myself ‘ wait till we reach home, I will tell Amma and make sure she beats the life out of you.’
Maria was 8 years older to me. She was the undisputed queen of Thomas residence till I came along and she didn’t take it too kindly to my arrival. She was always looking for an opportunity to fight with me or get me in to trouble.
At lunch time Mrs Mathew send Rani again to tell me the punishment is over. When I walked back to the class I could see everyone jeering at me. I quietly ate my lunch.
I dreamed of going back to Malaysia, to my old school, away from all these mean people.I thought about my best friend Siti. How Siti and I used to share our Nasi Lemak in the school canteen. Every evening Siti would come cycling to my house and we would sit on the porch and do our home work together.

On the way back home no one talked to me. They didn’t want to befirend a liar. I felt like a stranger among the familiar faces.
Amma was already home and I went to her and told her
“Amma, Maria tore my home work”
My mother looked at me and asked “Why would she do that and how do you know she did it?”
“I don’t know Amma, but she definetely tore my homework, because I finished my home work before we went to Chengannur”
“Nina, show me your home work book”
I opened my school bag and showed her my book. Amma opened it and looked at it and shook her head “No, Nina, your sister didn’t tear your work”
She showed me the clean pages and told me, “you see,if you wrote your answers with the pencil then the pencil marks would be seen in the bottom pages, see there are no marks, all the pages are clean”
“You didn’t do your home work and now you blame Maria unnecessarily”
I wanted to tell her that, Maria might have torn the next page as well. But I knew there is no point in arguing.
I had to write 1000 times ‘I will never lie’ as part of my punishment, so I went to my room to write the imposition.
Maria came home after her tuition class and she was smiling when she entered the bedroom.
“so how did it feel standing in the hot sun Nina?”
I didn’t say anything.
Living in an abusive family, each person takes their frustration to the next available hapless victim. I am Maria’s victim. There is nothing much I could do but to accept her bullying. Next year she would go to Engineering college and will be living in the hostel. I looked forward to that day.
There was absolute calm at home in the evening. Amma is on a silent war, which is a good sign. I helped Liza and Sally with their homework. Maria still had a grin on her face. I wished amma would ask her, why she tore my homework. But it didn’t happen. I wanted to ask Maria why she tore my work.. But the situation at home didn’t permit another altercation.
My teachers never understood how I could get all my homework wrong when my sister is the top student at the same school. I tried asking Maria to help me with the homework. She said the same dialogue each time
“No one helps me to do my work, and if you concentrate at school, you would be able to do your work yourself”.
How was I to explain that I don’t understand a thing they teach in school, because it is in Malayalam and sitting at the back I can’t hear anything either.
On tuesday, Mrs David, my english teacher told me”Nina ask your mother to come and see me tomorrow”