Summer in Kerala is nothing but heat, flies and scarcity of water. But summer in Chengannur is finding out who you really are and what matters to you most. Summer is the time to learn about one woman’s struggle to live life in her own terms. Summer is also the time to learn that good things in life don’t last and the first rain is the sign that soon school would open and you would have to go back.
Life in the farm was not easy but it was peaceful. I sleep with Ammachi in her room. But not on the same bed.
I tried to get Ammachi to let me sleep with her.
She said, “Nina, I have been sleeping alone for so many years, I can’t sleep if you sleep with me”
I get to sleep on the coir bed. The mattress is thin and I can feel the coir ropes that hold the bed frame poking through the mattress. I like my foam mattress in my parents home. But I don’t complain.
Early morning, before the first rays of sun hit Chengannur, Ammachi would wake up. She sits on the bed, comb her hair and tie it in a bun. Then she would light the hurricane lamp. I can hear her walking towards my bed. She lifted the hurricane lamp and checked my face. I shut my eyes tightly and pretend to be deep in sleep. I don’t want to take part in the morning prayer rituals. Whenever we stay at Chengannur, Ammachi would make us read the bible. Maria taught me the secret to survive the morning bible reading session at Chengannur
“Nina, for the old testament, read genesis 25, v 12-18.psalm 117, and for the new testament 2nd or 3rd John.” She has also marked those chapters in Ammachi’s bible by folding the top right corner of the page.
Ammachi starts the morning prayer by singing a hymn. Amma says Ammachi knows only one song. I think it is true. She always sing the same song, often out of tune and sometimes with different stanzas. Amma calls it potta pattu.
She took the bible and started to read, first a chapter from the old testament, then a psalm then a chapter from the new testament. After reading the bible, she got up to check on me again and I didn’t even breath, so she would think that I am deep in sleep. I didn’t want to be caught now. I know Ammachi is going to kneel down and pray and there is no way I can kneel on the rough cement without moving every few seconds. Ammachi expects me to kneel, ‘steady like a vadi’ and if I move, she would pinch me.
She went back to her bed, knelt down and started praying, first thanking for all the blessings we have, then she started naming each and everyone in our extended family and asked for blessing, then she named all the dearly departed souls and then all our neighbours, then for all our domestic animals. She especially prayed for Karambi, requesting for more milk. By now the blue colour has reached the sky and the birds started to chirp. I can hear Karambi mooing in the cattle shed. I desperately wanted Ammachi to end her praying sessions, so I could get something to eat.
After the prayer, Ammachi got up and went to the kitchen. I counted to 100 before I got up from the bed.
“Ammachi, I am thirsty”, I spoke as I entered the kitchen.
Ammachi nodded her head. She opened the door and went out.