Ammachi made puttu and kadala for breakfast. Chakki took puttu and kadala for her and Kutten and went to the back yard. Ammachi joined me at the table. She gave me the puttu with most amount of coconut in it. Then she took the coconut from her puttu and gave me that as well.
I slowly mixed the hot puttu with the curry and started to eat. I told Ammachi
“I am very unlucky Ammachi!”
“Why do you say that Nina?”
“Look at me Ammachi, I have to wear this soda glasses and now I am deaf as well!”
“There is no such thing as luck Nina” she said
“Ofcourse there is luck, otherwise how does people win lottery ticket?” I asked her.
” It is destiny Nina”
“What is destiny Ammachi?”
“when you are born, it is already decided by God, what your life going to be.”
I didn’t understand and I looked at Ammachi for more explanation.
“Nina, When I gave birth to your father, everyone in our village said I am very lucky. When I gave birth to your aunty 2 years later, everyone again said I am very lucky, now that I gave birth to a boy and a girl. When your grandfather died 6 months after your aunty was born, everyone said I am unlucky. I bought death to the family. I am unlucky and cursed to lose my husband before I was 18 years old.”
“It was my destiny to give birth to your father and your aunty, and it was my destiny to be a widow. It has nothing to do with luck.”
” If it is my destiny, why God only made me deaf and blind and not my sisters?”
Ammachi looked at me and smiled. I know that is a naughty smile when Ammachi turns her tongue to one side and bite as though she is controlling the arrival of the punch line.
“Nina, You know what we can do, we will go to the post office and make a phone call to God today and ask him that question”
“Go ammachi, you know God doesn’t have a phone”
“Then you should know Nina, your question has no answer”.
“Ammachi, why doesn’t Kochumol aunty ever come here?”
“Because I told her not to.”
“She is your daughter, how can you tell her like that?”
“She is married and she should stay at her husband’s home”
“What if her husband’s family is mean to her?”
“Nina, that is her destiny”.
“But Kochammai stayed in our house after her marriage” I argued.
“Ofcourse she did, her father was still alive. But I am alone here, I have done my work. Got your aunt educated and married off to a suitable guy. My duties and responsabilities are over Nina.”
I once overheard Amma telling Jacob Uncle that on the night of the wedding,Ammachi actually advised Kochumol aunty, to jump in the husband’s family well and kill herself, if her marriage didn’t work.
I wanted to know if my grandmother really told her one and only daughter to kill herself if her marriage didn’t work.
“Ammachi, is it true you told Kochumol aunty to jump in the well and kill herself?”
“Ofcourse I did. What will she do in this house? This land belongs to your father, and where will she go after I die? Who will marry a woman who ran away from her huband’s house? There is nothing she would achieve by coming back home, so isn’t it better that she killed herself in her husband’s home? Besides it is her husband’s family that would be shamed, not ours”.
I still couldn’t understand how my sweet gentle grandmother could be so mean and I told her that
“You are mean Ammachi”
Ammachi shook her head denying”No Nina, I am practical”
Daughters of Tomorrow
This was at that time… and things were pretty different in those times!!.. far more harsh than it is now. Good things have changed..!!
can you tell pottu reciepe… will try once..
I love puttu + kadala curry(with coconout chunks)
I LOVE this story. The putta and kadala and ammachi…sigh…makes me miss home
ammachi knows hw to handle things. todays generation, including me, takes relationships like marriage so light heartedly that the sanctity itself has lost somewhere. and no one knows what to do if a crisis arises in it. nice post!
Sujit:true
Q8techdrive:my favourite breakfast
me:thanks for visiting
Jithu:I am not sure.. I still can’t accept tht she could tell my aunt to kill herself, if things didn’t work out..that was tad too harsh don’t u think?
Your ammachi sounds like a very loving and practical woman. Good for you.
Luck.. sometimes I wish I won that lottery too 😉
My first time here.. your blog is good. Nice stories.
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well, it depends on hw u take it. dnt expect ur aunt to kill herself. by that sentence, ur grandma meant that its better to die than to break up from such a relationship as marriage. she wanted to let her daughter understand the seriousness of marriage. so that she just wont give up on it so easily. and i dont think even ur grandma expected ur aunt to kill herself, eventhough she said like that. afterall which mother wants her daughter to commit suicide. kakkakkum than kunju ponkuju ennalle. 🙂 in todays world, people get separated on silly issues which is where i see the sentence of ur grandma’s relevance.. to keep a relationship going, one has to try his/her level best.
Me again.. I read your previous, previous post. It looked like I was reading a story. You’ve got me hooked on you life story.
You have a good memory.. to detail everything. Keep writing 🙂
this is a haunting post. What a terrible parting message for a mother to give her daughter on the eve of marriage? she needn’t have put her concerns in such strong words. times have changed but relationships are still fragile i feel…
Geetha:thanks for visitng. Yes my grandmother was a very remarkable woman and I was lucky to know her.
Jithu: You are right. Sometimes I think we give up easily..
Arjun:for a long time I tried to understand why Ammachi said tht to my aunt. In a way, by marrying her off..Ammachi knew my aunt had no rights to the family property.The land belong to my dad( till Mrs Roy fought and changed the law). I don’t think my dad would have given a share of the property to his sister.. Greed!!!
from puttu kadala to destiny to marriage and life. i am getting hungry. missing the raw but heartfelt, contentful words and food from back home! like what jithu told, and you mentioned later, ammachi was letting aunty to be part of her husband’s family, as her own family, in all respects..
I think Ammachi said that to Kochu aunty not in a mean way.she probably wanted her to make the marriage work whether or not if she liked it there.
I don’t think your ammachi could be cruel
i like puttu n kadala…but i love puttu soaked in hot black coffee with a bit of sugar sprinkled all over….yummmm hahha
Maya: gosh.. I remember eating puttu with coffee after reading your comment.. A lot of past I remember.. there are some I have forgotten.. thank you for staying with me while I go down looking for answers..please stay till I finish..
Ammachi’s are always good isnt it ?
🙂
your ammachi was a mother of two before 18 and also a widow !!! That is something should not happen to a girl …now i wonder at what age my granny got married ! ! ! i am sure it shoul be around that age.
Puttu and kadala..i miss kerala! My holidays in kerala.
I think, Ammachi didn’t mean when she said to her daughter to kill herself if the marriage didn’t work. I think she was just telling her that her husband’s family is her family after the marriage and in the society, her previous life is over and she belongs to somebodyelse now. Well, not a nice way to tell a daughter on a wedding though ! ! !
I think such cases do exist in India. Still !