My back pack was heavy and I was angry with myself for having to carry such a heavy bag.
Actually it was not just the bag that was heavy, there was so much heartaches I had to carry.
Every damn thing was on my shoulder.
What was so wrong to use Eosin pencil to write notes? And why should Rupesh tell everyone about that and laugh at me.
I thought Rupesh was my friend and I was angry with myself for trusting him. If he was my friend he never would have done anything to hurt me. Would he?
I felt my life would be a lot better if I was the only person in it. That way I don’t have to worry about what anyone talks about me
thanikku thanum purakku thoonum, my sister’s favourite malayalam quote.
Was that why she walked away from all of us? So she won’t get hurt?
I remembered all the instances we have failed her and wondered if I was in her place would I have walked away too?
Truth was I would have wanted to, but I wouldn’t have. Because much as I hated my family. Amma and my sisters were all I had.

Sorry can’t type anymore
Will update tomorrow.

I had almost reached level 2 when I saw my CM prof standing near the landing and watching me.
kadavuley, it is the Prof himself. I thought today’s lecture was by one of those Social workers
“Good afternoon Ms. Thomas”
“Good afternoon sir”
My brain was in hyper active mode. I had to find a reason why I was going upstairs when my class is in ground floor gallery.
“May I ask where you are going young lady?”
enthu kallam aa parayandey?
“Toilet sir”
“Toilet?”
I nodded my head vigorously and said “yes”
“There are no toilets near your class?”
“There is sir. But someone is inside”
I felt like hitting my head on the railing for coming out with the world’s best excuse. toilet! mannakatta.
Please excuse me sir” Holding me belly as though I have a severe abdominal cramp I proceeded to walk up the stairs. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest.
Today wasn’t my day for sure.
ethu chekuthaney ano innu kani kandathu.
“Ms. Thomas” Prof called after me
“Yes sir” I turned to look at him
“I expect to see you back in the class in the next 10 mints”
“Of course sir. I never miss any of your lectures sir”
I hoped prof would suffer from a temporary bout of amnesia just like me. I certainly had an episode of serious case of Amnesia. I couldn’t remember when was the last time I attended CM lecturers.
I watched Prof walking down the steps.
I had to find Arjun.
As soon as Prof entered the gallery I ran out to find Arjun. He was sitting on his bike near the bus stop
“Arjun” I called out
“What? Are you coming or not? Do you know how long I have been waiting for you?”
“Arjun, I have to go back to the class. Prof caught me ! I have no choice but to attend the class now”
“What?”
Aiyyah I will explain everything later. I will see you after the lecture”
I heard Arjun cursing.
I knew I couldn’t blame him. I hoped Rupesh managed to give Proxy for Arjun. I didn’t want Arjun to get in to trouble because of me.

By the time I reached the top of the gallery, Rupesh had his head on the desk and was trying so hard not to laugh loud. He didn’t want the prof to see him laughing and ask what was so funny. I felt like smacking him so hard.
In between peels of laughter he asked
“What happened Bhabi?”
“Nothing”
“How come you are attending CM class?”
“What is your problem?” I snapped.
“Did prof catch you trying to bunk the class?”
I didn’t answer.
I didn’t have to answer, because Rupesh had already understood why I came back.
He passed me a paper as a peace offering.
“Eosin again?” He asked
“yes” I snapped

After the lecture I grabbed my bag and went to the bus stop. Arjun was no where to be found.
bhaiyya, have you seen Arjun?” I asked the security guard.
“He went to the canteen madam”
“oh ok”
I walked all the way back to the canteen. By the time I reached canteen, Rupesh was already there talking to Arjun.
“Can you believe? She wrote her notes with eosin pencil” Rupesh spoke.
“Where is your notes Bhabi?” Rupesh asked
Of course I had thrown it away. I only write for the ‘action’. Lecturers loved students who write lecture notes.
I find it much easier to understand if I read the text book by myself than to go through lecture notes.
“Can we go?” I ignored Rupesh and asked Arjun.
“Yeah, after I have something to eat” Arjun’s voice sounded angry and Rupesh must have noticed the tone
“I will leave you two love birds alone”
“Bye guys”
“Bye Rupesh”
“Bye” Arjun waved bye to Rupesh.
I found a place to sit and Arjun sat in front of me
“You wrote the lecture notes with eosin pencil?” He sounded so angry
“Yeah” I smiled, hoping my smile would cool Arjun down.
“How stupid can you get?”
“What?”
“Now Rupesh will go and tell everyone and everyone will laugh at you. How can you be this stupid?”
“Arjun, I wasn’t planning to attend the lecture today and I didn’t have a pen. it isn’t a crime to write with Eosin”
“What is with the bag?” Arjun pointed to my back pack
“I am going home”
“I thought you said you aren’t going home. You said you wanted to study”
“Yeah I know. But..
“But what?”
I was just about to tell him about Anitha’s impending visit, before I could do Arjun spoke
“You are so fickle minded”
“I am not”
“Oh yes you are. One minute you don’t want to go home, the next minute you want to go home. You can never make up your mind. Can you?”
“Fuck off” I leaned forward and whispered to him. I took my bag and stormed out of the canteen.