What do I want

There comes a time when you need to ask yourself
What you really want to do with your life?”

At each decade of my life, I had different goals.

My oldest goal was to leave home. Then I wanted to study, Then I wanted to marry, Then I wanted kids, Then I wanted to be the best mother one could ever be.. I did all of those.. Yet somehow I always felt something missing. (kind of like the song I came to sing still remains unsung)

This re-evaluation started with a colleague of mine who casually mentioned that she admired the fact that I gave up my career for my kids. “That was a sacrifice”, she said.

The truth is, it wasn’t a sacrifice. It was a choice. A choice you make consciously after evaluating the pros and the cons shouldn’t be considered a sacrifice. When you sacrifice something you change the balance of things and make the other person bear the guilt. I do not want my children to grow up and think that they somehow have to bear the cross for my decision to stay at home and compensate me… I actually had the best 2 decades of my life when I was staying at home and raising them.

So, that brings back to the question what I want to do with my life.. beyond the reading, travelling, sailing etc..

I guess the answer is simple. I want to have both power and money. There, I said it… and guess what, I never ever thought I would re evaluate my life and come up with that..


Last Saturday I had dinner with the staff from my Dept and as usual the conversation revolved around children. When I mentioned that I am a mother of three teenagers, every single group member commented about how hard it is to raise teenagers..

It is true that I dreaded raising teenagers.. It wasn’t always an easy ride, but I honestly think that raising teenagers is much easier than raising pre-adolescents.

Few days ago, When I got back to my apt, I noticed my youngest is online on FB. Spain is 6 hours behind my time and I knew she was online during school. So I asked her

“Muthey, What boring class are you in right now?”

She replied “Maths, I completed the assignment already and am bored” and we continued to chat.

Yes, I am aware that as a parent I should have scolded/advised my child as it is wrong to be on the phone during class time. However,  Since I read novels during class whenever I was bored, what right do I have to tell my child not to do something, when she is bored? I refuse to be hypocrite.

Couple of minutes later, my child mentioned

“Mom, I love the fact that you didn’t scold me even when you knew I was on the phone during class time”

I think one of the key thing with being a parent who is actively involved in their children’s life is not to be judgemental and at the same time, let your children know that you are aware of what they are doing..

My son told me that almost all of his Asian classmates have 2 different FB accounts, one that their parent’s monitor and another one that they post/write whatever they want without having to worry about their parents knowing.

If I go after my daughter for using the phone while she is in class, she is just going to selectively block me on FB, or create another FB account.. She is not going to sit and twiddle her thumb just because I told her not to use her phone during class. Besides, she is only doing it when she thinks she is not going to get caught.. and even if she gets caught, she has to face the consequences herself..

So, we chatted.. while I knew she broke the no phone during class rule..