What do I want

There comes a time when you need to ask yourself
What you really want to do with your life?”

At each decade of my life, I had different goals.

My oldest goal was to leave home. Then I wanted to study, Then I wanted to marry, Then I wanted kids, Then I wanted to be the best mother one could ever be.. I did all of those.. Yet somehow I always felt something missing. (kind of like the song I came to sing still remains unsung)

This re-evaluation started with a colleague of mine who casually mentioned that she admired the fact that I gave up my career for my kids. “That was a sacrifice”, she said.

The truth is, it wasn’t a sacrifice. It was a choice. A choice you make consciously after evaluating the pros and the cons shouldn’t be considered a sacrifice. When you sacrifice something you change the balance of things and make the other person bear the guilt. I do not want my children to grow up and think that they somehow have to bear the cross for my decision to stay at home and compensate me… I actually had the best 2 decades of my life when I was staying at home and raising them.

So, that brings back to the question what I want to do with my life.. beyond the reading, travelling, sailing etc..

I guess the answer is simple. I want to have both power and money. There, I said it… and guess what, I never ever thought I would re evaluate my life and come up with that..

12 thoughts on “What do I want

  1. 🙂 🙂 🙂 Now that you have said it.. Go and get it.. it is all within your reach..
    I agree decisions made after careful weighing is not sacrifice..

  2. Amen to this.

    The “what do I want” at times appears boggling for me because I find for me, my dreams tend to keep changing here and now. I just don’t know what I want, except a dog (that I def WANT). Ideally like you, I always think it’d be nice to get married and have kids sometime in the future (though I am not a believer that marriage is the ultimate goal in life, especially for Indians), become a epidemiologist and perhaps be part of CDC/WHO. But other times just maybe stay single and do charity/missionary work and help out those who are unfortunate. It’s a nice dream, but sometimes for me, it’s evident that it’s hard to conquer it all and that you can’t have it all. Not sure if it makes sense. Regardless though, I have my identity that I was develop and I’m sure will remain with me regardless of what goals I try to accomplish.

    Ah well, time will tell.

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