I normally type the blog just as the thoughts come to my mind. I tend to be rather reckless when it comes to my thought process and as you can see I write about whatever I feel at that point.
This is one post I wrote many days ago and wasn’t sure if I should publish or not.
Ok, I have to agree, there was a time, I waited for this moment. The thought that a moment like this will happen kept me alive. I was 21 then, doing my internship, studying for the PG entrance. I had a great group of friends and life was good.
As an intern you really don’t get much free time and I went for a party because my MO wanted to go and she needed company and I owed her a favor.
I was actually on call that day and was planning to stay only for an hour or so and get back to the hospital before someone noticed that I was MIA. ( you usually get an hour right after the evening rounds are over, where no one notices that you are missing. You can get away by saying that you were in the ‘other’ ward or that you were having a late dinner or that you were send to another dept by prof etc etc)
I met him at the party.
He asked me if I wanted to dance.. and he was good looking.,really good looking.. So we danced..and we danced and then the clock struck 12 and I had to rush back to the hospital and my coach turned in to a pumpkin. Rather , my MO wanted to stay back for a little bit longer and I had no way of getting back to the hospital.
He offered to give me a lift.
I had no intention of spending an extra day doing my internship ( if you skipped night duty, you repeat a full day and night roster!)
I asked him to drop me at the back gate of the hospital and had to climb the fence because they lock the back gate at 7 pm!
He phoned me that night. to tell me that he still can’t believe that I climbed the fence to get in.
He was waiting for me outside the hospital after I finished work the next morning.
It felt good to actually being wanted..that someone cared enough to wait for me to finish my work..
I only knew his first name and only weeks later he casually mentioned his surname..He was the scion, the heir apparent to one of the richest family in Bangalore. His father was send to England to do his medicine.
His friends owned the pubs..restaurants etc..Everyone knew him..( it was a lifestyle very similar to what George had)
Life was good.
he was a good friend, then I fell in love with him..
I took him home.
Amma loved him.
He is tall, fair and had green eyes ( 1/4 Portuguese)..and money!
He talked about marriage. He wanted to marry me right after I finish my internship.( April). Because he felt spring time in Europe was a good time for honeymoon!!
He even told me that I should do my masters in O & G, He knew that is where the money is, besides his father was an O & G specialist..He gave me a diamond pendant for no particular reason as a gift. ( it wasn’t Christmas, it wasn’t my birthday. He just decided to give me a gift for no real reason)
There were so many things I couldn’t cope with. I hated O&G. Everyone in his family send each other flowers for birthday, even when they stay in the same house. They didn’t write with love on a birthday card. It was expected that you write ‘fondly’ or best wishes. Everything was done formally. They even had a calender for family dinner!. Then there were tons of parties to go to. Yes dear, no dear kind of parties with polite conversations that made me cringe each time. I was like Vivian in Pretty woman..who doesn’t know which fork is for what..( still doesn’t know and couldn’t be bothered to learn)
But I was in love..I thought I was being stupid for even thinking that I am making a big mistake. I could always get myself to like O & G. After all what he is saying is true. You can make tons of money being a Gynae.
Then the other shoe dropped
He found out about my sister.
It was my off day and I was home.
He send his best friend to my house to pass the message that his mother isn’t happy with me and he will not hurt his mother.
I don’t think there is any words in English language that can express what I went through.
it was like I had built this enormous castle and in one swipe he removed the foundation and I had nothing to hold on to and watched my dreams shatter in to a million itsy bitsy tiny pieces
I hated my sister
I hated my mother
I hated my life
it was like I was never going to get a break from the hell. It was like I was being punished for the sins of others.
I tried to call him so many times. He would hang up the phone the moment he hears my voice.
I went to see him. His mother told me that he didn’t want to see me. She was so rude..yet so polite. ( I had the urge to shake her, just so the bloody shell that she has around her would crack)
I not only had to heal my bleeding heart, I had to deal with the curious staff and colleagues at the hospital where I worked cause they all wanted to know what happened to my beau..
My ever loving mother was also hot on my heel for she felt I must have done something wrong. She also sang every minute of every hour of every single day that no one will marry me now that all of Bangalore has seen me going out with him!!
I jumped out of the frying pan straight in to the fire !!!
Few weeks ago he mailed me. He must have gone through a lot of hassle to find my email id cause I never kept in touch with anyone from Bangalore.
He said, i was the best thing that ever happened to him and he think of me ‘fondly’ and that his marriage didn’t work out and his mother actually suggested that he finds out what happened to me.
There was a time I thought one day I will have my chance to get even.
Yet when I had my chance.. all I felt was the sum total of nothing.
But I must say, I like Europe in Autumn..and that I was lucky.. I only suffered one episode of broken heart.. Imagine a life time of ‘fondly’ suffering.