I am still moping around the house aimlessly.. trying to get a grip..and then things happen that shows me there is so much I need to do..

Yesterday, my youngest had school wide swimming carnival. Between the choice of school sports and a book, she would pick the latter any day. (She is very fit and was the first to reach the Mt.Kinabalu peak, but hates to do things for the sake of doing it) First thing in the morning she came to me and said “Mom, do you think I should go for the swimming carnival?” I knew where this conversation was heading and so I decided to nip it in the bud.

“I am not calling your school and tell them that you are sick”

“Fine, I will go, but I am not going to swim today” She said

“That is your choice. My responsibility is to ensure that you attend school, swim or not swim is your choice” I told her.

She didn’t take her swimming costume to school, so she didn’t have to swim.

I was home when she came back and as usual asked her

“How was your day?”

“It was boring, only consolation was there were plenty of shirtless guys around”

I was stunned. I think Mothers tend to not see their youngest growing up. She is 14. By the time Yaya was 14, we had already gone through plenty of crushes and heartbreaks and for me that was normal. Yet when Baby said there were plenty of shirtless guys around.. I was scandalized for a second.. that she was too young.

While I have no explanation as to why I miss a guy this much..and getting out of bed each day is a real struggle, I have to accept that I have very little time left with my youngest…and I must accept that she is growing up really fast..

So onwards I march…with a heart that is heavy..and a personal life that is on hold.. but the memories have to be created and cherished before time runs out.