That was a comment my cousin made few weeks ago and after reading the post today you will know why that particular comment meant a lot to me.
My cousin was the person who annoyed me the most by constantly reminding me of the importance of family and forgiveness. How I should remember the sacrifices made by my mother and be grateful. She always made me feel like a horrible, ungrateful wretch.
When she was here few weeks ago, my kids were in the kitchen cooking. Each of them sharing the cooking duties and when it was time to drain the pasta, my son took over the job, because he didn’t want his sisters to get burned while draining the pasta. Yaya hates bacon In her pasta, but cooked it because her brother loves bacon in his pasta. Baby hates Mushroom, so Yaya made Alfredo sauce, but sautéed mushroom for herself and me and added that to our pasta at the end. They were talking to each other, teasing and laughing while cooking. My cousin watched the whole thing and then told me
“You did well, by walking away from your family”
There has never been a day where my sisters and I talked to each other without fighting, without sarcastic comments/retorts, without selfish thoughts and acts. I have no memories of happy times with my siblings. ( Two of them didn’t even attend my wedding..)
I could attribute my children’s love and respect for each other as a luck of the draw. But I think it is because my kids have never seen conflict within the family and that has saved their relationship with each other.
There is an old Sicilian proverb, if the tree doesn’t bear fruit, cut it off at the base. ( Similar to the one in the Bible) and that is just what I did. If my family can’t get along, there was no point exposing my children to all those traumas..and the best thing to do is to walk away. I am happy I did it. I saved my children from my family.
Past is past Sarah.. live it for today. 🙂
Saju: I know… but sometimes..it still hurts
I know someone who likes to be the one who controls, so he tries to turn everyone in his family against each other. He was successful many times. I think he is afraid if they unite they will be too strong for him. He is quite selfish, has damaged a lot of relationships, caused a lot of heart ache, and still doesn’t think he did anything wrong. I remembered your story and told one of his kids if people are doing nothing but causing problems, you have to walk away, even if it is family. The point is, sometimes family is not the haven you see portrayed everywhere, parents are not always angels, and you have to see it to believe it. Anyway you did great by raising kids who love and respect each other.
A: I thought you were writing about my mother… that is how she worked..
I remember the first time one of Yaya’s friend came to my house with her little sister and the way she took care of her little sister..I was shocked.. I never knew that kind of sisterly love.. and I was adamant that my children would be like that to each other.. and I am happy that they love and respect each other.
Sometimes walking away from family is the best thing to do if it prevents you from living a self fulfilling, successful life. It does not sound right as many say “family is important”, but looking at the reality of how many families are dysfunctional today it’s better to leave than be miserable. Luckily your cousin realizes it now. I’m fond of how you got your kids to love and respect each other and how you respect them as well. Definitely will implement that in my future family.
Cutting the tree forgetting the fruits it gave once upon a time? Cutting it when it is of no use?
Bipin: It is pointless to keep a tree that doesn’t give you any fruits for sentimental reasons. Instead plant few tress for every tree you cut..