After my last post, I have been a bit tormented and I still don’t think I will ever understand the reason.
My oldest sister got married a couple of years ago. I don’t know when, where or to whom. She sent a mail inviting me for the wedding and I ignored it because for me it really doesn’t matter what she does with her life. I didn’t think I would gain something by attending her wedding.. I couldn’t imagine having to deal with my family members and all those dramas and the four of us meet face to face.
The sister younger to me got married when I was living in Canada. I didn’t attend her wedding either. Partly due to financial reasons, but mostly due to the fact that attending her wedding was not something up in my bucket list of things to do.
My youngest sister had a baby few years ago.. I find it really odd that I, who remembers every one of my friend’s birthday do not know when my nephew is born or how old is he this year. She sent me a video of her child and I never watched it. Why should I? What difference would it make to my life if I watched a video of my nephew? I don’t feel any affection for my sister’s kids.
At the same time, I celebrate every milestones of my neighbour’s grand daughter and consider her as my niece and she calls me Aunty Sarah. She visits me every week when she comes to see her grandparents. I buy her cute girlie things and sometimes take her to the park. I also consider a friend’s son as my nephew and wait for his mom to upload photos of him on FB.. Few of my children’s friends call me ‘mom’ and one even added me on FB as her mom.
When I wrote that two of my sisters didn’t attend my wedding, I must admit that I didn’t attend any of their weddings either. I can’t cast that rock of accusation without telling both sides of the story.
I wish I knew why we became the way are now. Amma used to always say, “you only have each other” and did everything to make us fight with each other. I think she enjoyed what she was doing The anger and resentment I feel for my siblings is endless. Today my siblings are not part of my life and they will never be part of my life.
I am not at all upset that I have no contact with them.
But the peace I feel for not having to be part of any of the dramas.. that is priceless.
It’s very unfortunate and sad that this happened between you and your sisters because ideal sibling relationships would bring best friendships, but it’s the best thing to do if no one is willing to realize this and work at it to rebuild a new meaningful relationship. Someday your sisters may realize this and feel the guilt of all the drama they caused, but maybe they won’t either. There’s no point in spending time with anyone when the only thing that comes out of it is misery, dictatorship and hurting each other emotionally. The same thing has happened with one side of my family, where we were all so close now before and are now slowly withering away due to ego, lack of respect and good treatment for one another, on and on. And lately it’s beginning to start with my cousins as well after committing with each other that we will not follow what our family did and put the harm to our kids (if it’s in God’s plan). Part of it is because everyone now is scattered all over so it’s harder to get in contact and get together, and a small part is due to attitude, egoistic and selfish behavior on some of them which caused some breaking and tension in some of the relationships. I’m neutral in all cases and try to avoid all the drama (I HATE drama).
To build a strong a relationship RESPECT (and it doesn’t matter how old you are, young and old, it’s the same) is a vital factor. Lack of judgement is also another important thing too. However, it’s too bad in this f***** up world that many people lack this and believe superiority, ego..etc etc. That destroys relationships to a tee. Humanity is lacking big time.
Tough luck for all of us who wish for the better that we have to live with this. However, in your case, at least there are people who obviously care for you even though you are no where related to them. The people you dote on and dote on you represents a good example of what family life should be like 🙂
J1206: I have friends who stepped in to the role of sisters, brothers, grand parents, uncles and aunts.. So my kids haven’t missed out on the family connection
thala phogakyale! its not worth it.
hi sarah… one doubt… if you know it’s your mother who turned you all against one another, then why can’t you forgive your sisters atleast?
Meeta: I know in an ideal world, one must forgive and kiss and make up.. and we all live happily ever. In my case, I know what my sisters are capable of and I do not trust them one bit not to hurt me. For me what matters the most is my mental sanity and I am not willing to destroy that.