After my last post, I have been a bit tormented and I still don’t think I will ever understand the reason.
My oldest sister got married a couple of years ago. I don’t know when, where or to whom. She sent a mail inviting me for the wedding and I ignored it because for me it really doesn’t matter what she does with her life. I didn’t think I would gain something by attending her wedding.. I couldn’t imagine having to deal with my family members and all those dramas and the four of us meet face to face.
The sister younger to me got married when I was living in Canada. I didn’t attend her wedding either. Partly due to financial reasons, but mostly due to the fact that attending her wedding was not something up in my bucket list of things to do.
My youngest sister had a baby few years ago.. I find it really odd that I, who remembers every one of my friend’s birthday do not know when my nephew is born or how old is he this year. She sent me a video of her child and I never watched it. Why should I? What difference would it make to my life if I watched a video of my nephew? I don’t feel any affection for my sister’s kids.
At the same time, I celebrate every milestones of my neighbour’s grand daughter and consider her as my niece and she calls me Aunty Sarah. She visits me every week when she comes to see her grandparents. I buy her cute girlie things and sometimes take her to the park. I also consider a friend’s son as my nephew and wait for his mom to upload photos of him on FB.. Few of my children’s friends call me ‘mom’ and one even added me on FB as her mom.
When I wrote that two of my sisters didn’t attend my wedding, I must admit that I didn’t attend any of their weddings either. I can’t cast that rock of accusation without telling both sides of the story.
I wish I knew why we became the way are now. Amma used to always say, “you only have each other” and did everything to make us fight with each other. I think she enjoyed what she was doing The anger and resentment I feel for my siblings is endless. Today my siblings are not part of my life and they will never be part of my life.
I am not at all upset that I have no contact with them.
But the peace I feel for not having to be part of any of the dramas.. that is priceless.