Pecking order

Few years ago, a friend gifted me a book by D. Conley titled The pecking order: which siblings succeed and why. I love to receive any gifts except books. There are certain genre of books I don’t like to read and when I am given a book as a gift, I feel terribly guilty if I don’t read it. So I forced myself to read this book. I would recommend the book if you have more than one child and want to avoid sibling rivalry.

I am the second child in my family and I know for a fact that it is my pecking order that made me who I am. Basically I could see the mistakes my oldest sister made and knew not to do it or do it without getting caught. ( I did the latter more than the former). I got away with murder and my sister was not so lucky !

I had written about my nephew’s visit to Australia recently. Yesterday when I spoke to his mother, she mentioned that her youngest son has told her ” Mom, I too would like to travel on my own, why don’t I visit my grandfather and spend some time with him”  His mother was so pleased ! And she was looking for flight ticket for the youngest.

What the mother didn’t see was how clever the youngest son is and how well he manipulated her.

First, he acted all matured ( he is 13),

Secondly, he used the mother’s guilt to his paid for my brother’s trip, now it is my turn to benefit from your generosity ( fairness)

Thirdly, he chose the destination well, visiting his grandfather ( mother’s father)

What the mother didn’t see was the anger the older child felt. He was never given an opportunity to travel anywhere when he was 13 and yet his younger brother was getting the things he didn’t. The trip to Australia was his moment of glory and his younger brother was taking it away from him.

I asked the mother, if she thinks she is being fair to both the children?


4 thoughts on “Pecking order

    • MS: Mother doesn’t see anything wrong in wanting to send her youngest to her home. She feels life isn’t fair and the older one just have to accept it. I think she is being unfair. You have to have the same rule for all the kids.

  1. So true about younger siblings learning from older ones. I can see it in my son – he knows that there is no use in just battling the parents for the sake of it – so he acquiesces to whatever we say and does exactly what he wants somehow in the end even if it is the exact opposite of what was supposed to be done – behind our backs of course, whereas my eldest, my daughter fights us every step as if she takes it as a right enshrined in the constitution (The right to fight!) causing lots of grief to herself and us. I wonder why the learning is never the other way?!

    • Goutham: I am very mindful about the different tactics each of my kids use to win their wars at home. Yaya thinks she being the oldest has her own sets of rules and uses them.. My youngest on the other hand is so sneaky that I don’t even notice how well she manipulates me. My son is a typical middle child

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