I lost a very dear friend few days ago. He was my senior.
Generally, I don’t keep very many malayalee guys who were born and raised in Kerala as friends because I just can’t stand their attitude and arrogance. Most of the Mallu seniors fell in to the category ” if she talked to me, that means she is ‘fast’ and perhaps if I try hard enough, I will get lucky ! ” For them friendship with a mallu female always had ulterior motives. There was this phenomena of ‘brotherhood’ practiced by the women of the same ethnic group. If you wanted to be friendly with guys of the same ethnicity without any hassles, then you tell from the beginning that ” you are like a brother to me” and that line offered a Lakshman rekha, for no one wanted to mess with their sisters !
Then there are guys who were raised well who knew to treat women from the opposite sex not as a sexual object gifted to you, but as a friend. He was such a guy. You never had to worry about any inappropriate behaviour from him. It was such a delight to see him each morning while I did my morning rounds. He always had that pleasant smile and I knew without even looking he would have a smidgen of bhasmam on his forehead. His relationship with his God was very private. He wasn’t out there to preach or to show anyone how religious he was. But you knew from his mannerism that he was a devout Hindu and followed all the dictates. He never smoked or drank and never failed a single subject.
Then he completed his degree and year later so did I.And though I added him as a friend on fb, I never talked to him. It was impossible to jump start a friendship after 20 years. But when another senior called me to tell me that he passed away, I didn’t know what to say.. How do you cope with the loss of a friend who has always been thought of fondly even though you haven’t talked to him for 2 decades?
But what I find the most disturbing is, everyone wants to know “what happened?” and “How did he die?” “Was it an MI?, or something similar?” Somehow death ain’t death till all the finer details are known and analysed.
Why is that we can’t accept someone’s death until and unless we know the exact details? Do we really need to know all the fine details? He is gone, his wife and children will not have him for the rest of their life, isn’t that the tragedy?
Today I mourn the loss of a great friend..