I am terrified of two things. Fear of failure and fear of screwing up as a mother to my children.
My mother was not a good role model and I always had a general idea of what I wouldn’t do to my children. But then there was the other end of the spectrum..the wondering part..where I am constantly worried if I am doing the right thing..
Yesterday was Yaya’s year 7 graduation.
When most of the kids in her class wore branded clothes, she picked a 29$ dress from BigW. I offered to buy her something expensive, but she chose not to, saying it is just for one day and she doesn’t see the need to spend so much money unnecessarily.
I am never good with makeup or hair styling. So I got her an appointment at the salon. She got her hair curled.
She looked gorgeous!!!
At the party, the emcee called my daughter’s name to come to the stage to give the speech. I had aabsolutely no idea that she was giving a speech. She didn’t tell me!
( now here is the wondering part.. Was i a failure because I didn’t ask her if she was giving a speech? was I a failure, cause if she had told me, perhaps I could have helped her write the speech and made it better? Should I have done that?? write her speech?? It is her life.. she should write her speech.. No??)
When we came back, she left the graduation book on the table and I had a look at it.
she had answered 20 years from now..” I hope to live in Venice and earn my living as an interior decorator”
I thought hmmm.. that is good plan..
As I continued to read, there was one question that caught my eye.
Your role model..and my daughter answered..”my mom”
May be I am not screwing it all up..