The emptiness.. it never leaves you..
It is odd, because until I had the miscarriage, i never really knew how much I wanted to be a mother. I carried the baby for 16 weeks. In those 16 weeks, i dreamed what I would name him or her each night. I wondered if he or she would inherit the hazel eyes. I was already looking for baby furniture in the thrift shops.( International students from third world countries paying first world tuition fees!!)
I dreamed of holding him or her, nursing, singing lullaby’s, holding her/his hand and walking, watching the baby take the first steps..so much of dreams
It was over in a moment
Then all you are left to hold is is this empty shell.. U can’t keep it anywhere
Nobody remembers it
People think that having other children somehow should compensate the loss.
They think it is silly to grieve when I already have three wonderful kids
But they don’t see the empty shell that will always be with me..