The Void

The emptiness.. it never leaves you..

It is odd, because until I had the miscarriage, i never really knew how much I wanted to be a mother. I carried the baby for 16 weeks. In those 16 weeks, i dreamed what I would name him or her each night. I wondered if he or she would inherit the hazel eyes. I was already looking for baby furniture in the thrift shops.( International students from third world countries paying first world tuition fees!!)
I dreamed of holding him or her, nursing, singing lullaby’s, holding her/his hand and walking, watching the baby take the first much of dreams
It was over in a moment
Then all you are left to hold is is this empty shell.. U can’t keep it anywhere
Nobody remembers it
People think that having other children somehow should compensate the loss.
They think it is silly to grieve when I already have three wonderful kids
But they don’t see the empty shell that will always be with me..

3 thoughts on “The Void

  1. Dear sarah, I have been a silent reader of your blog for sometimes… I loved to share the emotion that you beautifully share…. Well today I couldn't resist from putting a comment may be because I am also carrying… I can very exactly feel what it means to be pregnant… It is a difficult time… but really pray that God will give you the grace to pull through…. Love Anu

  2. Hi Sarah,

    I can't beleive how connected we are. My best friend had a miscarriage and throughout this week I have been haunted by what she must be going through & what to say to make her feel better. In the end, I didn't tell her anything, just stayed with her and let her talk.

    I don't have any words to comfort you either, just that I am here if you need to talk.


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