Ammai amma poru

I am so blessed by the fact that in the absence of an actual mother in law, my mother has taken the job of my official mother in law.
I am not sure what has brought in this transformation.
Yesterday it started with the fish curry.
Amma doesn’t eat rice without fish curry. I actually drove all the way to Redcliff so I could get the freshest fish for her. ( I am an idiot, I know!!!)
I cooked the red fish curry for her in the afternoon.
( Amma hates cooking and so far the only thing she ever makes herself is coffee)

She decided to eat plain rice sans the curry.

I know she did it to teach me some lesson.
But for me it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t eat, she suffers. I am beyond caring,

Then it was the laundry. I hang them out to dry on the clothes line, she goes a few minutes later and hangs them to her satisfaction. It doesn’t matter that it is my house and my rules apply. I was so angry, but again i kept quiet.
She usually takes the clothes from the line once they are dry. She decided not to do so yesterday. And because I had assumed that she would bring in the clothes, i didn’t go and check either. There was no joy folding clothes that were ice cold, so I had to use the dryer..

This morning, she took only her clothes from the machine and hung it on the line, leaving the rest for me to do. The thing is, I have been doing the laundry all by myself all these years, it doesn’t affect me in any way to hang clothes to dry. I don’t get her point.

Now she decided to close the door to her room and hide inside. She comes out to make coffee, take the coffee to her room, close the door..It kind of make me feel that I am running some sort of hostel and not a home.
Perhaps there is another lesson somewhere here.. I don’t know what it is..
All I know right now is if i get to chose a parent again, I will never pick my mother.. I will pick my dad over and over and over Again, even if he was the most abusive father ever.

No mother should treat her children like this.
No mother should get away with this..

3 thoughts on “Ammai amma poru

  1. She is being passive aggressive. Although I can't say why a mom would end up acting in this manner, I do know that often, the reason for such behavior is suppressed anger – you may be surprised to learn, that the anger may not even be towards you!
    I hope things take an easy turn.

  2. Sarah, what makes you accept all and everything from her?? Why. dont you think you have the perfect right to live too .. stand up Sarah… after all that you had to go through… please let go of her.. live your life sarah… you deserve it!!Sorry… hugs

  3. Not only passive agressive but desparate attention seeking behavior from a middle aged woman. No different than a teenager. Remember the days we were teenagers didn't we do similar stuff locking ourselves in the room not, talking for days, sulking and on and on… Poor woman has nothing good to do. No hobbies, no friends neither she is motivated to learn anything new to keep her occupied than just control your life and bug you. She'll continue until she knows for sure you'll do nothing about it than simmering in anger. So may now is the time to take some action.

    1. Talk to a gerentologist. May be she is developing some health (mental health included) issues. At this stage she does not have to be involved you can do all the talking. Try

    2. Just talk to her open and out. I am not a mind reader so I can't tell what is going on with you unless you tell me. I refuse to play mind reading game from now on.

    3. If I don not know what is wrong I won't be able to fix it.

    4. This time I am not going to appologize for anything I did not do or more over I do not even know what I did to piss you off.

    5. If you want to carry on like this it is your choice. I can not force you to make a different choice. Sulk as much you want when you are done sulking you are welcome to join us on the table.

    6. I don't want you to create a scene in front of my children. It impacts them negatively as a parent it is my duty to protect them. If your children are acting up it is due to emotionally confusing messages they receive at home between mother and grandmother. They'll even start disrespecting you.

    7. If you don't feel comfortable here in my house you may pick a place I'll pay for it. Talk to your siblings everyone can chip in and find her a reasonable place to live and get her groceries on weekly basis. Within a week's time she'll get her senses.

    8. Have you noticed blogging about this is just venting out and doing nothing else to change the situation. You let the steam out and then go back to where it all began. If you don't went for few days and let it burn in you then may be you'll take some action to change your situation.

    9. May be it is time to seek professional help. She is a controlling person. All your life you have been buying peace and trying to placate her mood swings. You have tried everything in your power so may be now you need help from someone impersonal and non partisan to get you through this.

    Hope this helps,


    Desi Girl

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