Am I really mad?
Does madness really runs in the family?
Will my sisters have to suffer because I am mad? ( who would marry them if their sister is mad?)
Can one control his/her madness? I wasn’t sure. I tried to think of all the mad people I know. There weren’t many. Then I remembered Elsa.
Elsa? Goodness, how could you call her by her name Nina? She is as old as your mother! I told myself.
Elsa Kochamma that was her name. I remembered Amma taking me to visit all the churches in and around Kottayam own, asking for a divine intervention to cure my deafness. I too wanted to be cured. I didn’t want to be deaf. I didn’t want my parents to struggle and raise enough money to pay dowry for me. I didn’t want my sisters to suffer because I was deaf and no one would marry them.
One Sunday, Amma and I went to the Catholic church near Puthupally to pray. By the time we reached the church, the mass was over and we waited by the side to let the congregation leave. Kids were running around, people were talking to each other and it was very noisy. Suddenly a woman cried out.
Ellarkkum vatta, enikku mathram vattilla, enikku mathram vattilla( I am the only one who isn’t mad, everyone else is mad!).
.In an instant there was absolute silence outside the church. Everyone looked at each other, then there were whispers which was soon followed by laughter. We looked around to see who was screaming. We noticed her sitting by the main gate rocking her upper body back and forth.
Amma and I too laughed.How often do we hear a mad woman say I am not mad?
She continued to scream
enikku mathram vattilla and soon I heard a male voice shouting
mindathiriyedi avidey( shut up).
That is when the rocks started to fly. Everyone quickly started to walk away, while trying to protect themselves from the rock showers with the bible and other prayer books.
I watched one gentleman wearing jubba bravely walking towards the mad woman and telling her in a stern voice
“Behave or I will call the police”
“bha” She spat on the ground and got up to face the gentleman. suddenly he too quickly walked away.
I looked at Amma, she was smiling. How often do we get to see a Malayalee gentleman walking away with his tail between his legs?

Amma and I walked inside the church and prayed. I even offered to light 1o candles if God almighty cured my deafness.
Then I remembered
‘Sho, I don’t have that much money to buy 10 candles’
I looked at the statue in front of me
‘Did God hear me promise to light 10 candles? Should I correct and say one candle, not 10?’ But if you have already promised 10 and don’t keep your word, then God might punish me more, wouldn’t he? I thought of saying to God, zero has no value, so when I said 10, I actually meant one!
No, God is certainly more smarter than that. I looked at amma. She was deep in prayers. I convinced myself that Amma would gladly give me the money to buy the candles if I was cured, because candles costs considerably much less than the lakhs needed to get a deaf daughter married off.
Next time, think before you offer something. I scolded myself.
After praying, Amma gave me 25 paise coin to put in the offertory box. I felt that was too cheap, especially when we were requesting for a miracle that would save a lot of money. But I didn’t want to argue with amma, not if I had to get money to buy 10 candles from her.
As we were walking out, I could see the mad woman sitting near the Church gate. I was a bit afraid. What if she starts to throw the rocks again? I looked around to see if there was any other exits?
Amma turned to look at me
“Why are you standing there? Come, let us go”
“I am scared Amma”
“For what?”
I pointed the mad woman to Amma.
“She won’t do anything”
“How do you know?” I asked Amma
Amma shrugged her shoulders and started to walk. I didn’t want the mad woman to see me and I I desperately wanted to be out of her rock throwing range. I started to walk a few feet behind Amma. hoping Amma’s body would hide me from the mad woman. ( also protect me from the rock showers!)