By Sunday evening, I was a nervous wreck. I still haven’t studied microbiology and I had almost half of Pathology text book yet to read! I contemplated if I should go back to College on Monday morning?
If I don’t go back, then I would miss all the practicals and also the clinics. But if I do go back, then I won’t have time to study for the internals. I also had to go to Sita travels to give a copy of my passport to collect the ticket. I decided to skip the classes.
Then I remembered Beautiful Eyes! I won’t get to see him before I go. I had to see him. I wanted to see him.
There was only one way.
I got up from my bed and changed my cloths
Amma was looking at me
“Where are you going?”
“I am just going out over there Amma” I said without thinking.
Then I realized what I just said.
I was almost smiling thinking of all the times Amma used to tell me “just over there”.
“Over where?”
“There Amma” I pointed to the door
I looked at her. She looked so angry. I wondered if she remembered how angry she used to make me feel all those times she used to say ‘over there’ when I used to ask ‘Where she was going?’
Amma ran to where I was standing and held my hand
“I asked you where you were going?”
“Why are you getting so mad?” I asked her, while trying to free my hand from her grasp
“Do you remember all those times you used to tell me ‘just over there?”
“When did I ever tell you like that? My god Nina, you have fertile imagination”
“MY god Amma, you forget things way too fast. Do you remember all those Saturdays and Sundays you used to vanish from home in the morning itself, leaving us alone and and when I asked where you were going, you would reply just over there?”
“edi drohi, All those times, I went to get things for you. Your father left all of you with me and I had to manage the house all by myself. I did the best I could!
I even went all the way to Cochi to buy fresh fish for you”
“Right, you paid money and bought a train ticket and travelled all the way to Cochi from Kottayam and bought fresh fish and travelled all the way back! You couldn’t get fish in the Kottayam market?”
“Wait till you have children, then you will learn”
“Don’t worry about that Amma! I will be a better mother than you”
“Like your father, pandu thooriyathum paley thooriyathum orthu irunno! (remember every events of the past!)“
“Go ahead Amma, blame Appa for all the troubles.”
“My God Nina, After all your father has done, you still support him! you are unbelievable”
I knew my father was a mean husband and I wasn’t really trying to support him. But he is still my father. If he was the only bad person, then I wouldn’t minded Amma cursing him. But there wasn’t any saint among the thieves! So why keep blaming Appa for all the problems?
There was no point trying to explain my feelings to Amma. So I opened the door to go out.
“I am just going to the phone booth to make a phone call”
“You couldn’t say that in the first place?”Amma asked
I didn’t know the answer for that. Why couldn’t I just tell her the truth when Amma asked me? May be I was afraid Amma would ask whom am I calling?
As I walked down the steps, I told myself, ‘you idiot, if Amma had asked whom are you phoning, you could have said any one’s name! How was Amma going to verify that? Guilty conscious pricks the mind! Simple as that!
I walked to the phone booth near the temple. I had seen the booth when I was waiting for the bus.
The booth was a small green colour metal shed with a grill in the top half. The bottom of the shed was covered with tobacco spit. It looked so dirty. There was a sign underneath the grill that said ‘Donated by Rotary club Bangalore’
I wondered why Rotary club Bangalore donated such a lousy metal shed? Couldn’t they at least clean the shed?
I looked inside, there was a lady standing inside the shed. The phone was in front of her on a metal shelf.
The lady was looking at me and she asked “Yes?”
I smiled at her, but she ignored me
“Yes?” She asked again
She is so rude, I thought. What would happen, if you return a smile? Just because she owns a phone booth doesn’t make her so superior!
“Yes?” She asked again
“Can I make a phone call?” I asked her
“I rupee” She replied
“What?”
“It costs 1 rupee” She was still staring at me
“What is this? Why do I have to pay before a phone call? I thought of walking off. I didn’t want to give business to such seemingly rude people. But I wanted to make a phone call and the only other place I can make a phone call is the grocery shop. But then the Malayalee owner might snitch on me!
I took 1 rupees coin from my pocket and threw it with all the disgust I felt for her on the shelf next to the phone. Without saying a word,the lady took the money, felt it between her fingers and opened the drawer and placed it inside.
“number?” She asked
Grudgingly I told her the number.
She was still looking at me and I saw her fingers move on the phone.
It took me a few seconds to realize that the lady was blind. That is why she didn’t smile, that is why she is asking for the money before the call and that is why her booth is so dirty!
I felt so bad for being such a bitch of the first order!
I looked at her apologetically. But she was still staring ahead.
After dialling the number, she held the phone close to her ear. Then I heard her saying
“Hello, please hold on”
She passed the phone to me through the grill.
My heart was pounding. I hoped no one would recognise my voice
“Can I speak to Beautiful Eyes?” I asked
“Can you hold on?”
“Sure”
I couldn’t figure out who picked up the phone in the men’s hostel. But he sure didn’t recognize my voice. From Anxiety my feelings changed to excitement. I was dying to hear his voice. Dying to hear the way he talks, the way he pronounce letter t as thee. Like, Nina do you wanth thu drink some thee?
“Madam, I am sorry, he has gone back home yesterday. Do you want to leave a message?”
I felt so disappointed. One minute my helium balloon was full of hope and excitement. The next minute it was gone!
“Madam?”
“Ya” I replied
“Do you want to leave a message?”
“Nah, it is ok. Thanks”
I gave the phone back to the lady and walked off.
First I fought with Amma for no reason, then I got angry with a woman, who turned out to be blind and now Beautiful Eyes had gone home. Who knows when he would come back? I felt so miserable.
When I came back home Amma was sitting on my bed and folding my cloths and placing it in my bag.
“It is ok Amma, no need to put the cloths back. I am not going back tomorrow”
“Why?”
“Because I have to study for the exam”
“Nina, You can’t go on bunking classes like this. How can you pass the exam, if you keep bunking classes?Just because you passed the first year doesn’t mean you will be able to pass every time. I got a letter from your college. I know you have been skipping your classes. I know you only got 52% attendence this year. Don’t think I don’t know”
“When did you get a letter?”
“Few weeks ago?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why should I Nina? Why should I care?”
“then why did you tell me about the letter now?”
“I just wanted you to know that, I know you have been spending time with Arjun.”
“What?”
“Don’t pretend that you are innocent. I know you are sleeping with Arjun”
“Shut up Amma” I was just so mad
“Why are you trying to shut me up? Truth hurts eh?”
I wanted to leave. I just wanted to get out of my stupid house. I never wanted to see my mother’s face again. I grabbed my bag from Amma’s hands. I looked around.
Sally was leaning on the door frame and looking at me. There was no expressions on her face. It looked as though she was wearing a mask. I knew beneath that mask, she was saying
“Walk away Nina, walk away like Maria did. It is easier to walk away than fight for your sisters”
I threw the bag on my bed. I could hear Amma muttering
jathya gunam thoothal povoolla, vallyamma nair dey purakey, thantha nayarachidey purakey, makalu marwadidey purakey