Tool kit

I studied all through the night. By 6 in the morning my head felt heavy. Why did I ever chose to do medicine? I wondered. Like my mother wanted, I should have taken home science. I wouldn’t have had to work like this.
Vinasha kaley vipareetha budhi!

I just couldn’t keep awake anymore, so I set the alarm for 10 AM and went to bed.
I was woken up, when I felt someone was scratching my feet.
“Nina” I heard Amma’s voice
“What is it Amma?”
“Wake up. You will be late for your college”
I checked the time. 7.ooAM! I just went to bed an hour ago.
I managed to get 60 minutes of sleep! after studying all through the night.
“Amma, why did you have to wake me up? Didn’t I tell you yesterday that I am not going to college today? If I was going to my college, don’t you think I would know to wake up on my own? Do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to go back to sleep, once I wake up? Do you know I was studying till 6 o clock and I just went to bed?” I screamed at her.
I watched Amma muttering something and going to the kitchen. I also noticed that Amma had switched off the fan in the room. I was too tired to get up and switch it on again.
I was so mad at Amma. Why does she do things like this? I am 19 years old and I am capable of taking care of myself. What is the big deal in attending all the classes? I pulled the blanket over my face and tried to sleep.
I just couldn’t sleep. There was too much of din going on inside the house. Amma was in the kitchen making breakfast and lunch for Sally. Liza had already switched on the TV and was watching some sports show. Sally was trying to do last minute homework, while eating her breakfast and trying to wear her school uniform all at the same time.
I was too tired to get up, so I continued to lay down. I wished my mother would leave me alone and let me live my life. I did tell her yesterday that I was planning to stay back home and study. Besides, I would have told Amma, if I wanted her to wake me up. I didn’t want to scream at her in the morning. But she asked for it.
Only I know how hard it is to do medicine. Unlike most people, I have to struggle extra hard, mostly because I only had 2 years of English education before joining medical college. I also have problems remembering all the drawings and diagrams in Pathology and Microbiology. The only reason I loved pharmacology was because it had no drawings! I could remember every single drug usage,dose and adverse effect. My mother doesn’t know how much I struggle and the least she could do for me was to leave me alone. But that was impossible. She just couldn’t leave me alone!
Around 10 am I got up. My head felt so heavy and I knew I was going to get a severe headache. But I had to give the passport copy and collect the ticket. I changed my cloths and looked for Amma. She was in the kitchen.
“I am going to the travel agency” I told her
nee evidey venam enkilum poyi thulanjo. (I don’t give a damn)” She replied.
I just walked off.
There was no auto at the stand I had no choice but to wait. There were too many people waiting for the bus, so I decided to move a little to the back. I can always see the auto coming up the road and it didn’t make any difference if I stood near the stand or not.
I wondered if I should go to Dubai and visit my father? Why should I care if Amma had money to pay for Sally’s school fees or if Liza had good dresses to wear to college? They are not my children. Why do I have to worry about them? By right, I should be attending the classes at the college. The last two weeks before the exams are the most crucial time. There would be extra practical sessions and I would be missing all that.
I looked around. The blind lady was already standing inside the phone booth. Staring straight ahead. Nothing affected her. She didn’t see all the monkey faces school kids made standing in front of her booth. She didn’t see the filth on and around her booth. She is lucky, I thought. Lucky to be blind.
I closed my eyes trying to see how it feels to be blind. I couldn’t see anything, but I could hear everything. I tried to identify the sounds. I could hear someone walking in front of me. I felt so proud that I could identify it was footsteps without using my eyes. After all I am smart, so I thought
I wondered if that footsteps I heard was a man or woman? I couldn’t figure it out. But it didn’t matter. Does it?
Then I heard a bus coming up the road and stopping few feet away from me.
Wow, I was getting good at identifying the sounds.
But what number bus was it? I didn’t know. I opened my eyes to see. It was 145A. I also saw there was an auto at the stand and someone was getting in to it. While I was busy closing my eyes and feeling proud because I could identify sounds, I didn’t notice that there was an auto waiting at the stand.
I felt so incredibily stupid. I was a second year medical student and I thought a blind lady was more fortunate than me!
All that lady sees in front of her is darkness. Pure darkness.
I realised there is nothing great about being able to identify a sound without seeing. But there is something great about a will to survive, even when all you see is darkness ahead of you. I looked at her. Yesterday, I was angry with her because she didn’t return my smile, then I felt sorry for her because she couldn’t see. Today I admired her. I admired her will to survive.
I waited for the next auto and went to Sita travels and collected my ticket.

On Tuesday evening I decided to pack my bag. My suitcase was at the hostel.
“Amma, can I take Liza’s suitcase?” I asked
“What for? Ask Appa to buy you a new one. Why do you want to take a suitcase from here”
“ok” I didn’t want to argue with Amma. Although I didn’t understand what is the point in getting another suitcase when we already have so many!
“So what bag should I take?” I asked her
“Take the bag you take to your college?”
“Huh? You mean my back pack? It is so small!”
“Nina, if you carry stuff from here, it would add more weight to your luggage. So take as little as you can from here”
“oh”
“What Oh? You need to use that thing called common sense once in a while”
I ignored Amma’s sarcasm
“By the way, Can you send some money as soon as you reach there. I need to pay Sally’s fees”
“ok Amma”
“Buy an electric kettle also”
“Why?”
“Oh Nina, it is easy to boil the water if you have an electric kettle”
“hmm” I mumbled. I thought of asking Amma what about the electricity bill that would be hefty if she uses an electric kettle? Who is going to pay that?
“Oh, I have been wanting to tell you this, I want you to buy a tool kit that comes with a magnet”
“What?”
“I saw it in Kochappan’a house. Tools comes with a magnate, it is a very nice. You can arrange them on the wall!”
“Why do you need a tool set Amma?”
chumma oru rasam!” Amma was looking at me like a little child who was asking for a new toy. I just didn’t understand my mother. Here we are struggling to pay my sister’s school fees and my mother wants a tool kit!
The only thing that we ever have to fix in our house is to change the bulb when it gets spoiled. That certainly didn’t require a tool kit. “ok” I mumbled. I had no intention of buying a tool kit.
I packed few cloths and my pathology text book in my bag. It felt so weird.
Here I was going to visit my father and all I am taking with me is some cloths and a text book?
“Amma are you sure I don’t have to take anything for Amma from here?”
“Oh Nina, why do you keep asking the same silly questions over and over? All the good stuff from here are exported to middle east. Why do you want to take something inferior quality from here, when you get the best there?”
I didn’t reply. I just hoped Amma was right.

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