“There is no point in living like this, we should all die”. Spoke Maria
First of all I was in a bad mood, especially after all the helium in my balloon was lost in an instant.
My wonderful father has not only vanished, but also wiped the bank account clean. My ignorant, ever trusting mother had signed a cheque and given it to him, so he could withdraw the money, in case anything ever happend to her.
My world was collapsing and the best suggestion my sister could come up with was to ‘die’.
“If you don’t shut up, I will personally kill you.” I told her. I know I should respect my oldest sister, but at that moment, if she said another word, I wouldn’t have so much worried about respect.
“Nina, What will happen if we don’t have any food to eat, would we die?” Liza finally spoke
I looked at her. She was leaning on the main door frame. She is doing what I always do. She is standing there close to the front yard, so she can bolt out and escape to the safety of the front yard, if I get angry.
“Who said, we have no food?”
“Didn’t Appa take all the money? How are we going to buy any food?”
“Come here” I told her
She didn’t budge.
“Liza, Come here, I won’t hit you. I promise.”
She walked slowly towards me. I held her hands and looked at her
I wasn’t sure what to tell her.
“Amma has a job, so we will have enough money to buy food. You don’t worry about all these things.”
“Who will drop us to school?”
“I will”. I told her
“have you fiinished all your homework?” I asked her
“Go to bed early, so we can leave early. I will drop you and Sally to your school before I go to my school.”
“Will you also fetch us?”
“hum” I nodded
“Will you buy us the cream bun from Best bakery like Appa used to buy?”
My mother never honored her promises and I always promised myself I would honour my promises. I desperately wanted to tell my precious younger sister,’yes I will’ and I knew there is no way I can do that.
“we will see, ok. May be not tomorrow. But one day I promise I will buy.”
I laid down on my father’s easy chair. I probably occupied 1/2 of the chair and full of the burden. I analysied all my options. Then it occured to me I didn’t have much options. When we came back from Malaysia, Ammachi made it clear that, we can’t stay in Chengannur house. Mother-in law and daughter-in law never really got along. Amma refused to help in the farm and Ammachi refused to let us stay there. She isn’t going to let us stay there now. Maria has to go to college. There was no one to turn to. May be dying was not a bad option.