Never say Never..

My oldest memory of my aunt is the time I visited my grandparent’s home. I must have been 3 + years old. She wore a sleeveless blouse with the saree. Her earrings were so huge, it almost touched her shoulder, she also wore matching bangles but that is not all, she wore extremely ‘high’ heels and when she walked, the heels clanked tuck tuck on the floor and the earrings jingled and swayed in tune. My mother on the other hand wore Bata slippers, cream blouse with a crappy old saree. It was such a contrast and my aunt’s image was permanently stored in my brain. Over the years, I associated her with famous Hindi Actress of that time. She was slender, pretty and carried herself well.

Then my aunt got married and had kids. I remember the time after she gave birth to her youngest, my grandmother wanted her to do the exercise to strengthen the tummy muscles and she refused saying “Now that I am a mother who cares how I look?” I was 12 then and I remember feeling disappointed that my aunt lost the zest for living.

But things changed  on the day my aunt turned 40. She declared on that day that, she will no longer eat anything sweet and bought artificial sweeteners because they were healthier than sugar.. She had a new haircut. She started to wear  high heels again.  She tried one diet after another, went for morning walk and came home and ate like a pig,   the weight remained and the heels didn’t last.

I adore my aunt, but I promised I will never be like her. I have never dieted and have no intention of dieting. Last weekend, when I went for my grocery shopping, I stopped in front of the baking aisle. I needed to buy Sugar. I noticed the artificial sweeteners on the rack.. I am well read and my biochemistry is pretty strong, yet the packet of stevia called out to me. It was so compelling that I bought it. I don’t even know why. I eat healthy food all the time, yet there is a part of me that wants to make sure that I will go the extra mile and eat more healthier food. I only consume one cup of tea each morning and I don’t need to cut the sugar..but it still I am compelled to do so. It is like there is an inner voice that is at odds with aging..