This was something I should have known..perhaps of all the things I conveniently put under the denial title..this topped the list.

I failed the medical exam to join the Medicine program. I am more deaf than I assumed I am. ( actually my deafness has been increasing over the years, in 1988 I had 65% hearing in one ear and now it is 30%)

The past one year of studies should have given ample clues. I could hardly participate in group discussions because I couldn’t hear people sitting behind me. I have been lip reading since I was a child and accepted without any difficulty that if I can’t see the lips moving, then I can’t hear. I hated people sitting on the right side of me in the bus and talk to me. I am completely deaf in the right ear and I can’t hear a word anyone say over the noises in the bus. Often I just nod and laugh, not knowing what the person said.. If they said I was an idiot, I was smiling and nodding my head in agreement.. because I hated to tell anyone that I am deaf.

At home, kids have been getting rather irritated with me cause I have been asking them to repeat what they said..’ Mom, you don’t listen when we talk’ is what they say often.

One full year, I got up at 4 am everyday to teach myself organic I could write the GAMSAT exam. 99% of the students who wrote the exam were at least 15 years younger to me and even that didn’t stop me from writing it again and again till I passed.

I know I will find my wings again to soar high.. but right now, at this moment, I am devastated.

23 thoughts on “So

  1. We shall overcome….this will also pass…for better feelings and more gratifying achievements….You will find your calling. And didnt they say….those who try will get it. All the best.

  2. You’ll fight and conquer just like you’ve done in the past and you’ll find a new goal to work towards and succeed in. Might be completely irrelevant, but I heard some devastating news similar to this a few weeks ago and what really soothed me was this I’ve been repeating “oru killimaavin kombil chiragodhukaathey” over and over again to myself. Sending you so much love and strength! xxx

  3. YES, you WILL soar high again, Sarah; you’re a very strong woman! Hang in there.
    My thoughts …and prayers are with you .


  4. I’m so sorry to hear that Sarah. As you rightly pointed out, you will rise again from the ashes and soar high. Stay strong.

    For each thorn, there’s a rose bud
    For each twilight, a dawn
    For each trial, a strength to carry on..

  5. I am very sorry to hear this Sarah. This is no doubtly very hard for you. But maybe just to give you some insight and let you know that if you really want to, get up and try again until you do pass it. Just don’t throw in the towel and think it’s game over for you. I would say try to find out where you have gone wrong on the exam and try to resolve it so that you can succeed.

    Also I feel like perhaps this failure is part of the process for you succeeding later on? If you keep pushing through, you will bound to succeed one way or another. I only am thinking that because the I was kind of in your shoes a year and half ago where I had to leave nursing school. It was actually a depressing period for me where all I wanted to do was to curl up in a hole forever. I didn’t even get up from bed for a few days and the 1st month i was uncontrollably emotional for me as I thought my future was destroyed and I really didn’t no what life had in store for me. However, I got up, brushed everything aside and kept going. I can say now, I’m in a very happy position even though I had to change gears a bit and I am very confident I will succeed. I’m confident this will be you too. Just throw in the towel and keep pushing.

    Massive hugs to you though. Hope you are getting a lot of support. I am open if you are needing someone to talk too or just need to vent out frustrations.

  6. Sarah- you know this.. you are way way bigger and better than your disabilities. You are already a great mom and quite successful in many ways.. well traveled, well read, adventurous, well educated. Perhaps time to chart your own way!!

  7. I would very much like to say, it will get better, but I am sure you don’t want to hear it at this point. I am sure you rise up to soar higher, you always do! Best wishes and do know that you have and are inspiring many out there!

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