My wings

As usual, my first instinct was to run away from my troubles. Unfortunately for me, running away was not really possible..

I spent the past few days contemplating my options. There were none.

I had to admit the simple fact that in 15 years I probably will be totally deaf. So I cried.. imagining the end of my hopes..and ended with the mother of all make my life even more miserable, I was also bitten by midges(sand flies) while I was in the garden. I am allergic to midge bites..

My plan of doing medicine in the next 4 years and then joining MSF and volunteering in any Spanish speaking countries is now not possible.

Since I was 17, I wanted to learn Spanish and read all the books written in Spanish, especially Latin American literature. I learn better when I am thrown in the deep end(living in a Spanish speaking country) than attending language classes. I now know why I hate attending classes. I could never hear properly in class and it affects my learning experiences. I have always been an autodidact and it was mostly because I couldn’t  hear anything and had to teach myself. But teaching myself a foreign language will be really hard. I now need to figure out how to get to South America and live there a couple of years and learn Spanish. Even if my world eventually is going to be a silent one, I still have books to keep me company and at least I will be able to live with myself knowing that I didn’t give up my dreams just because one door closed on my face.

And that was all I between tears, migraine and allergy..

12 thoughts on “My wings

  1. Once the jolt passes, knowledge is empowering. You know now what you are dealing with. And you will soon find your way through. Through, not out.
    I wonder though, if you have investigated your hearing- nerve/ conduction deafness.

  2. Hi Sarah

    I came to your blog hoping to find you writing that you were feeling at least a little better. In a world where many use their disabilities or lack of ability as an excuse to stop trying, you are an exception and an inspiration. I am sorry if I sound stupid, but is there not any way to restore your hearing at least using temporary strategies/devices etc? It sounds to me that the reality of losing your hearing permanently has affected you more that anything else (of course I am only assuming).

    Hoping to see you feeling better soon.

  3. Well keep fighting ! There will be more open doors that will allow you to explore your possibilities. As for visiting Latin America, there may be other ways you can achieve this, like joining the Peace Corps or something. It may be hard now, but you’ll eventually reach that end of the tunnel.

    • J1206: I am a dual Canadian and Aussie citizen. Visiting South America is not an issue. If I ought to spend couple of years there, I need to be financially able to support me. Which would have been easier if I could work as a doctor..

  4. S,
    Have you considered doing a public health masters or do advanced studies in epidemiology? You have the medical background which will be a huge asset and you still can be part of MSF or any other large public health or global outreach agency with that additional skillset.
    You are a trained doctor–nobody can take that away from you– you can just diversify those skills in a different way and be more involved in emergency preparedness, disaster management, health promotion and prevention etc. And these type of agencies are always in need of people. I know because I work in one and I dont have a medical degree. And I know plenty of my colleagues who have foreign medical degrees and are happily welcomed to serve their part along with their US colleagues.

    Just food for thought!

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