I am one of those type of people who like to predict their life’s path. I do like to follow where the wind takes me, but being the control freak that I am, I direct my ship to where I want it to go 🙂
Even in my wildest dreams I never thought my life would end up like what it is now.
A friend once told me that she hates her life because she never had any fun. She is the only daughter of over protective parents, never even talked to boys while in school, got married as soon as she finished her degree and had a child before the first wedding anniversary. On her 40th birthday, she woke up thinking what a wasted life it had been. I did try to explain to her that going to a pub in my teens doesn’t make my life better than hers. But she disagreed.
I had Yaya at the age of 27 and at 31 I had three kids. My life revolved around my children. I gave up my career and became a stay at home mother, while my classmates who barely scrapped through med school became consultants and senior consultants. I never went out with my friends (difficulty to find a child minder) or did anything that could be considered fun for me. The highlight of those years were taking my kids for play house Disney live shows! Meanwhile my favourite bands had concerts in KL and I couldn’t even afford the tickets. ( Technically I could, but the guilt of spending on me instead of the kids was too much, plus having to leave them with a stranger, so I convinced myself that I simply couldn’t afford the tickets) A lot of times, I felt I was a candle burning itself out. There was no hope, there was no light at the end of the tunnel..
Today, I find myself with plenty of time for myself. I can go out for clubbing, go for the music concerts or even spend time with my friends..I no longer have to worry about my kids. They are capable of taking care of themselves.
End of this month, I am going for a two weeks dive holidays with a friend. Kids have outright refused having a child minder to stay with them ( ie Thelma). They tell me that they are old enough to be on their own. I am a bit worried, but my neighbours and friends have promised to have an eye on them.
Finding myself after all these years..It feels so liberating !
Btw, taking two weeks off in the middle of a semester is nothing but madness..I need to finish all my assignments before leaving because when I come back they are all due. So the next few weeks, blog updates will be irregularly irregular.