Now that my youngest is in grade 7, I no longer park the car and walk her to class every morning. I do the illegal stop and drop. Yesterday was the last day to pay the school trip fees and I forgot to do the bank transfer. And so I had to park the car and walk to the office to the pay the fees.

As I got off the car, I noticed a mother and child arguing and the child took the school bag from the trunkĀ and stormed off. Then it happened. The mother called out to her child and told her, if she doesn’t give the mother a kiss, she will regret it when her mother dies.

I really wanted to tell this mother that my mother used to say the same thing to me and she is in her 70’s and still alive.

“When I die” was my mother’s favourite dialogue. It doesn’t matter how serious my crime was. It could be as simple as not saying ‘bye’ or serious as telling amma ‘I hate you’. It was always met with the same response “When I die….” you can fill in the blanks here

1. you will regret talking like that to your mother

2. you will not have anyone to give a kiss/or have a mother to give you a kiss

3. Your father will marry again and your step mom will never treat you like your real mother and you will regret…

4. One day you will become a mother and you will know how it feels when your children treat you the same way.

5. remember, Karma is a bitch..and nee vithachathu, nee thanney koyyum ( You will reap what you sow)
6. ippol than arinjillenkil pinney than ariyum. ( one day you will learn, if not now)
As a child, I was not allowed to have a bad day. And even if I had a bad day, I still had to be nice to my mother because ” when she died…….”
I remember sitting in my classroom, all worked up and feeling tremendously guilty.. worried that Amma would have had some sort of accident and died and I will live the rest of my life with regrets because I didn’t say Bye to her that morning. What a horrible child I was that I couldn’t even say Bye to my mother after all that she did for me.
I have had my share of “I hate you mom” to slamming the car doors and not saying Bye from my children. But I will never tell them “When I die….”
When I die, I die. end of story, but I will not instil fear in my children by manipulating their feelings.

4 thoughts on “Fear

  1. I didn’t have to go through this – Compared to every one else I have had around me, my mother is/was a saint. If only she was more assertive, my life would have been much much better. There is no point having someone who mostly understands you if that person won’t stand up for you.

    And right now, I threaten my son that I will go to office without a hug and a kiss if he doesn’t wake up. That is the only way I can get him to get up from bed. Is it that bad?

    • URT: The one thing I absolutely wanted my children to learn from the very early age was to be responsible for their own actions. If they don’t get up on time, they will be late for school and they face the consequences. Sometimes, they get up late, they don’t get time to eat breakfast and much as it hurts me to know that they will be hungry till lunch time, I let them go to school without breakfast. They need to learn that time and tide waits for no man. My point is, G needs to wake up when he should wake up, not because he will not get a kiss from you, but because it is time for him to wake up.

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