After 24 years, I wore the saree that has been with me everywhere I go. I am absolutely certain that I am imagining it, but the saree still has a faint smell of Kouros.
I don’t remember the name of the shop where I bought the saree from, it was very close to Majestic bus station in Bangalore and had marble steps in front. It was the first time we went for shopping together. Two strong willed people coming to an agreement took a long time. I like green colour and only wanted a green colour saree. He liked blue. I also do not like to wear prinited sarees, I prefer plain sarees with a border ( binny silk style). I ended up buying a peacock blue plain silk saree with a silver zari border. I can still see the grin on his face as we left the shop because he got me to buy the blue colour saree and I threatened him and said ” if you don’t stop grinning, I will wear a green colour blouse with the saree” and for which he replied ” you should, you will look like a lovely peacock”
I think that was what I loved the most about Beautiful eyes. He always had an answer that makes you laugh so much.
The trouble is, I am left living with a void that I have tried so hard to fill and sometimes it is just so hard. Sometimes I think how lucky I had been to have known such love, but most days I think how dare he left me alone to grieve like this
“At first, when we truly love someone, our greatest fear is that the loved one will stop loving us. What we should fear and dread, of course, is that we wont stop loving them, even after they’re dead and gone. For I still love you with the whole of my heart… I still love you. And sometimes, my friend, the love that I have, and can’t give to you, crushes the breath from my chest. Sometimes, even now, my heart is drowning in a sorrow that has no stars without you, and no laughter, and no sleep.”
Gregory David Roberts, Shantaram.
Anitha: “She loved the guy. She did it for him. She would’ve done anything for him. Some people are like that. Some loves are like that. Most loves are like that, from what I can see. Your heart starts to feel like an overcrowded lifeboat. You throw your pride out to keep it afloat, and your self-respect and your independence. After a while you start throwing people out—your friends, everyone you used to know. And it’s still not enough. The lifeboat is still sinking, and you know it’s going to take you down with it”
It’s your feelings and nobody to comment. At the most like in face book one can touch the hollow ‘like’ or ‘share’ button.
The void thinned over the years and reflects more in writing than in mind, it appears. If the love is still in mind it is just because it was lost.
Bipin: Absence of Comments do not really bother me. They say time heals..in my case, it doesn’t. Not because the love was lost. I still love him very very very much and I will always love him. What I have is the emptiness that no one can fill.
No words!… It is a fortune to have experienced that kind of love and longing…Hugs
thumbi: Thanks
Hi Sarah,
I had to close the browser when I read this a few day back ,as it was heavy on my heart…I wanted to comment ; but could not .Hugs to you…You are indeed lucky that you have known true love..
Sophia: The problem is, no one will ever match to the standard set by beautiful eyes..and I will always feel the emptiness.