I think Indians make a mountain out of molehill when it comes to their children having sex.
Sex is a normal function and it is inevitable that your children will have sex with or without your consent. I never understood how a country that was so open about sex, ( west never had Kamasutra, never had temples dedicated to erotic sculptures like in Khajuraho) became one where talking about sex itself became taboo.
This is what I told my children about sex.
Age of consent. In Queensland, age of consent is 16 and it is a law. I explained to them why it is needed and what could happen if they break the law.
Rape. No one ever have a right to force themselves on another person. If a girl says no, it means No and if a boy continued to force himself on a girl, then it is rape. The reverse is also true
Pregnancy. I explained to my children that one of the biggest side effect of having sex is pregnancy. There is only one method of contraception that is 100% safe. That is abstinence. There is no guarantee that any other method of contraception is 100% safe and I expect my children to remember that always.
STD. same as pregnancy. It is another side effect of unprotected sexual intercourse.
Virginity. I explained to them, it is up to them. Their body, they chose what they want to do with it and when and with whom. I am not a keeper of virginity and do not own my children’s body.
Alcohol and GHB. How much ever you trust your mate, keep your drink with you always. GHB is colourless and odourless. If you ever felt dizzy or drunk and you know that you haven’t consumed enough alcohol to be dizzy or drunk, talk to the bartender and ask for help right away or call me. My job is not to judge you, but to keep you safe.
Yes, I do worry about all that could go wrong. But I refuse to control every move my children make so I could stop them from having sex when they reach legal age of consent.
wow, thats very bold and hats off to you for posting this, and your frankness with the kids. Lots of folks find this topic hard to approach, but sticking ones head in the sand and ignoring, doesnt avoid the heat. what age / maturity level do you approach this. Guessing the younger ones get this message sooner, as you talk to the older kids.
Ra: Yaya and my son are almost like twins, I usually talk to them after dinner. Baby runs to her room the moment I utter the word sex. I talked to them as soon as they started to talk about boys and girls. It is my duty as a parent and I really wanted them to know about age of consent. I must admit when my children were very young, I was a bit uncomfortable talking about sex, then a friend who teaches sex education told me, kids at young age are not looking for graphic description of sex. All you need to say is, man places his penis in a woman’s vagina and deposit sperm and the sperm fertilises the egg and the baby is conceived. I am the one and only one person who can tell the truth to my children, so I have been honest with them from the beginning and the embarrassment feelings went away
Of late you seem concerned about the Traps waiting for your adolescent children and how they indulge in Sex. I feel YOU are making a mountain out of molehill by overdoing sex classes and advises to your children. It is natural process and the children will get all the information in this technologically advanced world. In India, Kerala, from ancient time people consider pre-marital sex as sin or prohibited and still that belief goes on. But young do it in spite of these restrictions. I had the first experience at 18, of course, in a hurry, in the dark corner of ‘pathayappura’,( the young and beautiful maid servant teaching the first lessons) that doesn’t mean I tell my daughter I don’t mind her going that way. Parents are ready to give anything they have to their children except their experience in sex, obviously little envy in children enjoying the way they had and more fear that children cannot do it safely as they had done, and finally worried that they may spoil their life.
The culture and practices in the West is entirely different where sex is not a taboo or restricted. Dating is quite common and sex automatically goes with it.The children grow in that culture and circumstances and they learn and live like that. And Western parents don’t care all these as it is the practice there. The traces of Indian culture, still remaining inside put the Indian born parents in the West in a dilemma, to go Indian way or Western way. Forcing Indian way on their children is quite impossible, as they grew in the western culture and bound to follow it.
Sarah, You should not unduly worry as your classes to your children are not sticking to any culture but based on the practical way of life and showing them the good side of life, compassion, love and all.
Everything’s right, except may be this – And Western parents don’t care all these as it is the practice there. – I feel all dads are hypocritical when it comes to daughters (and only daughters) every where in the world – they cannot imagine their baby girl in that situation…:).. They may just be a little better in accepting than dads in conservative countries though
I was just looking at the culture of East and West. Kissing in public is common in the West which the East cannot even dream of. Micro mini skirts and low neckline dress showing the cleavage is part of Western culture but not in East. Similarly having an affair is not a sin in the West unlike in the East. So the parents,consider it as part of their Culture. I didn’t say it is good or bad. Not alone dads but Moms are also hypocrites in this matter.
What happened to our heroine? Sarah not seen since “Sex” on 4th April.
Bipin: During the Victorian era, women in England were considered a commodity and didn’t have much rights. While our Nair women practiced poly andry. Now, women in the west have rights and equality and our women in Kerala/India have become a commodity. Neckline showing cleavage was not part of the Victorian era ( even showing the ankle while walking was considered bad form), our women walked bare chested, now women in west can wear what she wants, while women in India still can’t. Culture is what you allow to happen..the west progressed and india regressed.
Check this out..and see how it is similar then in UK and now in India
http://www.clas.ufl.edu/users/agunn/teaching/enl3251/vf/pres/ziegenfuss.htm
b’s experience itself shows how culture is not important when it comes to first encounters and I guess that is why you need to talk to kids despite of where they grow up about safe sex & safe sexual partners
Thumbi: You cannot raise your child outside India like you were raised when you were growing up in India. It is only going to destroy your children’s life.
Alrite!.. I concede.. We are hypocrites too… 😀
Thumbi 🙂
Bipin: I once had a patient, who came to me in tears telling me that she thinks she is pregnant. She was 13 and was with her Boyfriend and during sex act ( oral), she swallowed semen and was sure she was going to get pregnant. I had to explain to her the entire female/male reproductive organs and how pregnancy happens.It was in England, where children are taught about sex education.
It is irresponsible for a parent to not tell their children about sex. For sure, all the information is available in the net, in that case, we wouldn’t need doctors, everyone could diagnose diseases by reading info on google.
It is my responsibility as a parent to be open and honest.
I know this has nothing to do with this post
but I cant wait sorryy
I read upto the date until beautiful eyes died (im so sorry for your loss)
but then I couldn’t find what happened, I searched and searched. What happened to the rest of your 3 years in college?
Your relationship with arjun?
plssssssssss do write about it
thamkt you 🙂
JMJ: 🙂
Sarah, I think I need to buy a book and stick snippets of all your fab parental wisdom in there and call it, ‘How to be a great parent’. You’re going along with all this parenting malarkey in the most mature and sensible way and I just wish my parents did too, but I guess I can only hope. You’re a great Mum and I hope Yaya, Toothless and Baby know it x
T: Thank you
Go further down the history and see Man’s evolution. He was nude. He used barks and hides to hide his parts and ultimately reaching today’s dress. Different styles, even today some tribes use only loin clothes and women keep their upper part un covered. Polygamy and polyandry prevalent in different parts of the world. We call us civilized and the different ones uncivilized. We denounce which is alien and inconvenient to us. Culture developed at our convenience and we adapted for the survival of the society. No superior of inferior. The Malayalm proverb “chera thinnunna nattil chennal nadu thundam thinnanam” is relevant and applicable here.
Bipin : 🙂