Yesterday I met my friends for dinner, all our children are classmates and are good friends. We ended up talking about the strangers that live with us.
One of my told us what happened that morning. Her always impeccably dressed child came to eat breakfast wearing a ragged off shoulder t shirt that exposed more body than it covered. My friend really wanted to tell her daughter that her t shirt is really inappropriate to wear to school, but she held her tongue. When the daughter was leaving for school, the mother noticed that she had changed her t shirt and wore something that is appropriate.. obviously the daughter was trying to rile her mom up first thing in the morning and was looking for a fight.
Another one talked about her daughter not going to bed on time. They have 10 pm bedtime and the daughter decided, she is not going to bed at 10 pm as it is her life and she can do what she wants. The more her parents told her off for not going to bed, the more she stayed awake. Then the parents understood some battles are not going to be won. They told her that she is right that it is her life and she could go to bed anytime. She stayed awake till 3 am for a week and the parents didn’t say anything. Eventually the thrill of riling up the parents wore off and she doesn’t stay awake till 3 am now. But as a matter of principle, she doesn’t go to bed at 10 pm, so she says.
In my case,before, it was “mom, my friends are planning to go for a movie, may I please go with them?” and now it is “mom, I am going for a movie”, If I am lucky, I will get to hear, where, what, when and with whom. Most of the time, that info is not given. I know Yaya is learning to be independent. But, still I feel it is only fair that she at least ask my permission before she goes somewhere. Apparently, it is not just me who is going through this. It is the same in other families.
At the end of dinner, we all agreed, some wars are not going to be won and that is scary.