Yaya’s best friend is going to New York to meet her boyfriend during the Summer holidays. ( I am not sure who is footing her airfare , if it was Yaya, I would have told her to get a job, earn the money and pay the fare herself, But that is beside the point).
When Yaya told me about her friend’s impending trip to NY, I told her, I can’t wait for the day she brings a boy home to introduce us to him. For which my son replied ” Yaya when you do bring a boy home, please inform him in advance that he needs to pass my ‘tests’, then mom’s , then Met’s, only then he will be allowed to be a part of our family, and make sure he knows that if he treats you badly, then he will have to deal with me”
( All my life, I wanted a big brother who would have protected me and I was so pleased to hear my son say that to his big sister)
But what Yaya said was what surprised me the most. “Mom, I don’t believe in teenage romance, right now I want to concentrate on my studies, I don’t want to rush in to a relationship now.”
When I was a teenager, I was desperate to fall in love. When a guy showed some interest in me, it felt like I was on cloud 9. I wanted to fall in love with the one who would save me from my family, the one who would love me for who I am and cherish me for what I am. Not once I thought of the implications. Sure, I wanted to study and get a degree. But that wasn’t my priority. My priority was finding love.. it didn’t matter where love was, I was going to find it at any cost. My desperation was directly related to my mother’s actions.
I read somewhere that “experience is not what happens to you; it’s what you do with what happens to you”. My life with my mother was a nightmare, but those experiences taught me to be a better mother and my children has benefitted from my painful experiences. I will always bear the scars, but not my children.
Away until Monday