Yaya’s best friend is going to New York to meet her boyfriend during the Summer holidays. ( I am not sure who is footing her airfare , if it was Yaya, I would have told her to get a job, earn the money and pay the fare herself, But that is beside the point).

When Yaya told me about her friend’s impending trip to NY, I told her, I can’t wait for the day she brings a boy home to introduce us to him. For which my son replied ” Yaya when you do bring a boy home, please inform him in advance that he needs to pass my ‘tests’, then mom’s , then Met’s, only then he will be allowed to be a part of our family, and make sure he knows that if he treats you badly, then he will have to deal with me”

( All my life, I wanted a big brother who would have protected me and I was so pleased to hear my son say that to his big  sister)

But what Yaya said was what surprised me the most. “Mom, I don’t believe in teenage romance, right now I want to concentrate on my studies, I don’t want to rush in to a relationship now.”

When I was a teenager, I was desperate to fall in love. When a guy showed some interest in me, it felt like I was on cloud 9. I wanted to fall in love with  the one who would save me from my family, the one who would love me for who I am and cherish me for what I am.  Not once I thought of the implications. Sure, I wanted to study and get a degree. But that wasn’t my priority. My priority was finding love.. it didn’t matter where love was, I was going to find it at any cost. My desperation was directly related to my mother’s actions.

I read somewhere that “experience is not what happens to you; it’s what you do with what happens to you”. My life with my mother was a nightmare, but those experiences taught me to be a better mother and my children has benefitted from my painful experiences. I will always bear the scars, but not my children.


Away until Monday


9 thoughts on “Premam

  1. lol!… i dreamnt of my prince charming coming to rescue me from a nagging mother who never understood it is okay for a girl in a co-ed school to have boys as friends…. during xmas holidays,i used to wait for the postman so that the greetings card wont fall into her hands, and end up in a sermon for me… but i also saw the same person encouraging my younger sister’s friendships and welcoming them in her home… so for a long time, my belief was there is something wrong with me….

    • SM: You are not alone.. I spent hours standing in a queue to buy Ticket for Jethro Tull’s last concert tour and Amma didn’t let me go. The same Amma had no problems when my younger sister moved in with her partner at the age of 19.

  2. Premam. Oru anubhoothy. One has to experience it. My first premam was in 10th class. The girl started it. That ended with leaving school. Then the pre-degree premam. As usual ended with pre-degree. Both teenage ones. Not much lucky during the next college days. A long vacation and then came one which remained for about 4 years. That was a real enjoyment. She was really in love. Same period came another one. That girl also was very serious. Managed both simultaneously. Leaving them made grief. Still the vivid memories of those romantic days sparkle in my mind. Young romance gave way to a matured love affair which still goes on smoothly. Age does not matter. This is pranayam. Little different from Premam.

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