Comment Moderation

There are many reasons why I have a blog. People collect a lot of unusual things. My aunt loved collecting bells, she even has a 300 year old Swiss cow bell and knows the history of each of the bell in her possession and display her collection in every nook and corner of her house. I collect memories. I worry that in the event anything happens to my brain, then my memories will vanish.. I needed a place to store my memories. Writing a journal was the only other options, somehow after finding my mom and my sister going through my journal, I can never do it again.

I  went through my life thinking that I was the “odd” one. When I joined the medical college, all my classmates had both their parents come to the college to visit them. My parents were already divorced. But I never told anyone that. Everyone has a ‘normal’ scale..where you evaluate what you have based on what others have and in my case I wasn’t normal because I was the only one whose parents were divorced. Everyone else had perfect families. Years later, I visited the parents of a classmate while I was attending a conference in their home country..The most unusual part of their family home was, her father never talks to her mother. Not a word. They had a falling out when the kids were younger, but chose to live together as strangers for the sake of the kids. But the 5 years I was with my classmate, she never mentioned that odd fact. She waxed lyrical about how wonderful her parents are and how much they loved her..

Today, I am part of the same deception. What my friends see is a very successful woman who dresses impeccably, lives in a posh residential area and drive a flashy car, who has friends among the who is who in the society. They see the smooth version of me. They haven’t got a clue as to the journey I went through to get all those rough corners smoothened.

I needed a place where the real me exists. This is where I can be who I am. I am not seeking any ultimate glory ,neither do I care for anyone’s opinion. For me it doesn’t really matter if anyone reads my blog or not. I need to write and for me that is the most important thing. Also, if you think like I did all those years ago that I was the odd one.. that you are all alone in this world, then I hope that perhaps reading my blog will make you understand that you are not alone and that you are strong even if you don’t think so yourself.

When I was in they 3 yr MBBS, I didn’t collect my marks card for about 6 months. ( I knew which subjects I won the gold medal from my professors, but I didn’t know my marks and I didn’t want to know either.) I didn’t collect because I noticed that for a lot of my classmates, especially the ones who are barely scrapping through, they were more interested in finding out my somehow made their life a lot better if I scored less than the one they were voting for. The fact that my marks reflect my intelligence and the amount of hard work I put in didn’t factor in at all. Then there was Geroge. Every gold medal I got was because of George. I don’t know why it is hard for people to give credit where credit is due. But it hurt a lot.

I  work with gifted children here during my spare time. One of the things the children that I work with complain often is about getting the due recognition. Some time ago, the mother of one of the child that I work with came to me with tears in her eyes and recounted the reaction of the women in her temple group when they found that her daughter scored high distinction for ICAS english. “Of course it is easier for your daughter to excel in English, because she was born in England Nah.” they said. The child was born in England and did spend 2 years of her life in England before moving to Australia. The children of most her temple friends were born here in Australia. Anyone with an iota of intelligence can see the flaw in that argument. He daugher heard the comment and told her mother she will never write another ICAS test again. Children notice little things and eventually they will start to underachieve just to fit in. I have been there and I know how it feels. I was accused that I was holding on to the gifted tag. I do hold on to it because majority of the gifted children will drop out after high school, not because they aren’t intelligent, but because the schools spend all the time and energy to help a child who under achieves than the one who over achieves. Eventually most of the gifted children get disiilusioned and becomes failed gifted. I am one among the failed gifted and writing my experience  as well as that of my children, I am hoping that another gifted child will not go through what I went through. And Yes, I will fight with all I have to ensure that my children don’t go through the same.

So, About comment moderation. I know my blog is in the public domain and I am liable for the reactions that are positive or negative. As a (former) Malaysian who always preached for freedom of expression in Malaysia, I felt I was betraying myself if I didn’t allow freedom of expression in my blog. ( One ought to practice what they preach)

I didn’t ask all my blog readers to follow UFAS “United friends and Associates of Sarah”. I do respect your right to your opinion.

However, there are things that bothers me a lot.

I have written over and over that I have eidetic memory. When you write a comment, wordpress captures your IP and I can remember your IP. It isn’t that I sit here and memorise every IP. All I need is to see the IP number and my brain sees the pattern and it stays forever. I noticed that when people want to berate me or take a jab a me, they morph to Divya Unni or Manju Warrier or Pratiksha etc. from their original handle. If you are not comfortable to be who you are, but still wants to take jab on me using various other ID’s, it bothers me. It makes me think that you have something to hide and I don’t wish to support that.

My children mean the world to me. Whatever they achieve in their life is because they have worked for it. Today my son owns his own company and he also works with a lot of leading scientists in the Robotics industry. He is hoping to patent his invention end of this year. Yaya will get a diploma in Spanish Language end of this year and will start going to Uni to continue with her degree in Spanish next year.. I don’t know anything about robotics, neither do I know Spanish. It is unfair to judge my children and assume that they are where they are because A, their mother in intelligent. B. their mother pushes them. I do push my children in some areas, I want them to clean their room, learn to cook, do the laundry, play a group sport, volunteer two hours a week etc. But beyond  that I don’t push them in anything because I know the more my mother pushed me, the worst I became. I only did what made me happy, not anyone else. ( weird, I know) And I know my children will do exactly the same. So, I don’t push them. Never did, never will. If you can’t accept the simple thing that my children are intelligent and are good in what they do, then that is your issue. Freedom of expression starts with respecting your right to an opinion, but it stops when your opinion hurts the people who did nothing to you.

One commenter even took a jab on my children having to grow up without a father figure. I found that insulting. Why is it that some can’t accept that not everyone is as lucky as them and some of us do the best we can with whatever we have. I refuse to allow such comments to be published because there are plenty of sigle mothers out there doing a fantastic job and it is unfair to judge them because of the absence of a man in their life.

So, much as I hate to do this, I have resorted to comment moderation.

17 thoughts on “Comment Moderation

    • MS: Sho ! pedichirukkavayirunnu..Thought I drove you nuts with my reply to the Abortion comments and when I saw no more comments.. I felt bad.. that I was rude to felt so good to see your comment

      • It is so nice to hear that!! Thank you!
        We can discuss Abortion until the cows come home and still not agree.. but never will I disrespect you or your opinions or be upset that you have not agreed to mine. We both have the right to forcefully put forth our thoughts! 🙂

  1. Thumbs up!!! U are a very inspiring person and i like the way u articulate events 🙂 There are areas where i clearly disagree with u but i love ur attitude towards life and the values u try to instil in ur kids. And i simply love that, I raise a kid along with my partner…. and think its tough… hats off to u who raises 3 kids along with a job. U really inspire me Keep writing!!!!

  2. Hi Sarah,
    Since this post is all about comments – I have tried many a times to post comments here.But somehow none got published.I have never tried to post anything offensive/controversial.In fact you inspire me a lot..But I wonder why the comments never ip is blacklisted by your brain for any reason? pls let me know.

    • Sophia: I have never moderated your comments. I do remember reading your comment in the post I wrote about watching the stupid Cassanova movie. Since your comment was published the first time, wordpress would have allowed you to continue commenting without going through moderation ( that was how the setting was until three days ago). I only started complete comment moderation three days ago. Prior to that the only comments that weren’t published were the ones I didn’t approve because commenter was using fake id’s but same IP.

  3. Good on u.. I’ve been reading ur blog for over 5 years.. Used to comment earlier but then stopped!!
    This is ur space and ur opinions.. And people who say ill are jealous of u and ur family and what you’ve achieved… Most humans love seeing others fail.. N most malyalees fall under this category!! I’m a malyalee n I hate that characteristic!!! U do what u do best and if u r happy n ur family is happy .. Others can go n jump
    Keep writing and don’t let idiots stop u 🙂

    • Rosie: It feels like I have known you longer than 5 years..Just as you have been a part of my journey.. so was I.. although I haven’t been reading your blog for a while, I still remember the excitement I felt when you started your business…

    • URT: first, I have tried to leave a comment in your blog from the time you posted the first post. Somehow wordpress and blogger seems to have an issue with my ID and my comments don’t get published. I tried three days ago to leave a comment.. I can’t crochet.. Unlike knitting, there is too much of loops and I get lost in trying to figure it all out. I loved the lip balm cover..I dream of making a crochet lace..( All the women up to my chechy in our family knew how to crochet.. It stopped with me!)

      • Nice to know you went there. Thanks. I have been commenting before that itself – I used the name shij.. But then I use my phone, my home desktop, office laptop from home, office laptop from office,… All behind different cons, and different IPS

        I am not regular like you. I don’t really expect people to come to my blog.may be one day…

        • And btw, I will gladly crochet something for you. Looking for people who will appreciate something I make. All my friends have things I made. And I think of you as a friend, even though you know nothing about me. Weird, isn’t it?

          • URT: Could you please help me and show simple steps to do crochet flowers. I would love to make a blanket for Yaya..And Yes I would love to own a crochet work that you did. Right now, I have nothing to offer in return. But if you ever come to Brisbane.. you can always stay with me

  4. You really want to learn? You are the fourth person I am trying to teach. The others learnt it, but didn’t love doing it. I really find it soothing, and makes me forget all my worries.

    It is very easy. Once you learn! 🙂

    Just learn these two stitches, and then you can make anything in the world. Rest of the stitches are minor modifications, you will not take time to learn them once you master these. And the first one should be pretty easy to learn.

    I learnt crochet by myself online – from these very links. They have good photos as well.

    When you buy the yarn and the hook, the yarn should have the size of the corresponding hook. And the size would be written on the hook. I would suggest a 4mm or 4.5mm hook. I learnt on a 1.6mm hook, so it doesn’t really matter. Atleast when you learn, don’t use a bigger hook. When you buy the yarn, if possible, find a denser yarn so that it is not easy to push the hook through the yarn. All these instructions are to minimize the initial frustration, and doesn’t really matter.

    The mail id with this comment is the one that I use generally. And the first part is my name. Please send me an email if you have any doubt. I assure you I will respond within a few hours. If you find it difficult to learn from the pictures, I can show you on skype, I guess.

    And let me know what you would like to have from me. I don’t want anything in return – may be I will actually come meet you people if I ever turn up in Brisbane – chances are pretty slim right now, though. Let me know if you come to Bangalore…

    • URT: I saw the post on your blog today.. Thank you so much. I will try to learn to do crochet this weekend. Do you know to do Kutch work? I used to do that when I was studying. I can’t remember the steps any more

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