A year ago about this time I was in the throes of despair.
My friends told me there is always light at the end of the tunnel” Yeah right, I thought for I felt the light surely came from a bullet train!
I shut my friends out. I spend my days wallowing in self pity.
I wanted to run away..from all my troubles.. I couldn’t take anymore.
But then again I had places to go and things to do.
Much as I didn’t know how to survive each day, I also knew I coudn’t deprive my children a chance to grow up without their mother. I chose to have them and I had to raise them. I couldn’t shirk my responsibilities.
So I went home. The trip to Malaysia cost me an arm and a leg, but it was the best thing I ever did. I found reasons to live..
When I was expecting my son, I had a huge craving for kway teow goreng and always went to the same husband and wife hawker team near my home in KL. I didn’t have anyone to take care of me after I gave birth and the hawker wife send me noodle soup cooked following the pantang (rules of confinement)and send it to my home the first three days. I went to see them and she remembered me..after 12 years.. She doesn’t speak English and she still talked to my son ( getting me to translate)..and fussed over him…and it was so special..I felt sometimes I do not see the forest for the trees..that I feel miserable the way my family treats me and don’t see that I always had people even total strangers who cared for me.
This post isn’t really about me.. this is for those of you who might face situations in life that are too difficult and are tempted to run away.. Remember always, time heals, although you may not think so at that time.. and that life is really not hopeless..you may not have anyone who can help you through.. but all you need is yourself..Don’t lose hope..and believe in yourself. Just as the sun rises again tomorrow, so too will you come out of the ashes and be strong again.
And as for the light at the end of the tunnel..sometimes it is not from the train, it is the railway track manager checking the tracks while holding a torch and he can make you laugh like you never thought it was possible….