Female sexuality..in the indian context.

I spend part of the first two decades of my life in India.
The same India where Kamasutra was written, where you can find erotic sculptures in temples.

Yet, as a female child, the patriarchal society had established set standards I must follow to be part of the society.
I was a female only in my chromosomes. The rest of me was expected to be asexual.
The rules of my asexual behaviour was written from the time of my birth.
My vagina was ichichi (untouchable!!) I was not supposed to even look at it, let alone allow anyone to see it.

Looking at a boy was considered the biggest crime against humanity. if the look progressed to touch, consider yourself banished from the kingdom ( or hastily married off!)
The older females in this asexual kingdom also played a huge part in continuing the tyranny. They established this huge network of gossip and malingering. The ultimate goal is supposed to “ensure the chastity and purity of the girl who might marry their son” And no, they didn’t so much worry about their sons screwing around. The virtue is only a female right.!

Once in a while, there comes a writer who could write confidently about sex and the men hide in the washroom to read the said book and the women meet at coffee club  or the mahila smajam to find ways to shut the new writer. After all how could they allow a female with sexual desire in to the kingdom? Won’t she corrupt the minds of the innocents?

My childhood also involved watching malayalam movies. Family movies!! often there are few scenes of rape..The guy running..the deer running.. the girl running.. all running.. and the rape happens. Not in the real sense. But getting raped is part of a good family movie..

Mallu movies also teach us that falling in love is all about a song and dancing around a tree. But  you must also learn that only in the movie people fall in love. In real life, you must wait for your parent to find your ideal mate when you are old enough!! And for a female, her virginity is a prerequisite to be considered as an ideal partner.

Going out with a boy is a crime. Even if you only went to the coffee shop with a boy. Somehow the act of drinking a cup of coffee with a member of the opposite sex is a prelude to having sex and( god forbid) orgasm.

This way of upbringing also creates a new breed of men. The ones who thinks it is their god given right to own a woman and her body. Most don’t even know how to kiss, yet they consider themselves to be the Casanovas.
They ogle at anything in a skirt, love to pass lewd and vulgar comments, loves peeping when a mother/sister/neighbour showers and once they tie the thali, they want/demand the whole Kamasutra from their partner, not even taking time to read the whole book and understand that a woman is actually a sexual being and that she has feelings..

If you are an unmarried female…living in India, you are expected to learn and believe that ” I feel no sexual desire, I never felt it, I will never feel it till the day I get married, only then I will  switch on that part of me and I am worth this thali on my neck because I am pure!!”

I don’t think there will ever be a day when the Indian society will accept that women are not to be hidden..that she is alive and has feelings..that she has a right to go out with a guy and if she wants to she has a right to sleep with a guy. No one, but her owns her body.
But that is a dream isn’t it?
And you still find girls killing themselves even when they have done nothing wrong because the so called custodians of chastity don’t leave them alone..And even in death, they still try to tarnish a woman’s name by unnecessary gossip. ( How sad it is that a postmortem report is needed to clear her name!)

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