My wild and precious life

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
That line is from one of Mary Oliver’s poems. I love it, because of two things. One is the sense of belonging, the  knowledge that I am not the only one with a “wild” life and the other reason is my answer to her question.
thokkan enikku manasilla!!
I am fluent in a lot of languages, yet I struggle to translate a simple Malayalam sentence to English. “I refuse to give up” is the simple translation, but it doesn’t give justice to the defiance inbuilt in that dialogue.
I remember my first day as a pre degree student at one of the famous colleges in Kottayam. All my classmates were from English medium and I was the only one from a Malayalam medium. ( there were students from malayalam medium in other streams, mine was the most in demand, science stream) I didn’t understand a word spoken by the lecturers in the first few days.. but then.. I told myself ..
thokkan enikku manasilla!!
I wouldn’t classify my will at that moment as determination.. it was more defiance..against my mother for classifying me as a sickly idiot and then doing everything to continue to believe the notion that I am not capable of achieving anything in my life. She didn’t just stop with her beliefs, she was also giving me more grief by making  me take french as a second language and I, not only had to re learn everything that I learned until then in English, I also had to learn a new language from scratch. it was tempting to give up studying, fail the exams and stay at home for the rest of my life listening to curses and then get married to some loser with my fat dowry. But then again I felt  thokkan enikku manasilla!!
At every turn in my life, I could have given up my fight..Unlike most of you who read my blog, I was dealt a bad hand so many times..over and over and over..and each time, it was really tempting to give up..but then what is the fun in that?
if I had given up,
I wouldn’t have become a doctor.
I wouldn’t have got a masters degree
I wouldn’t have my wonderful kids
I wouldn’t be driving my dream car
and I wouldn’t be living in a house of colour..each room painted in a different colour..( part of my  “wild and wicked” life dreams..)
so to answer what I plan to do with my wild and precious life?
I plan to live it..each day..
and to the fate that seems to get a thrill of dealing me a bad hand.. bring it on..I am still Methran Thamby’s grand daughter and thokkan enikku manasilla!!

I was wondering if any of you can help me translate thokkan enikku manasilla to english!!!?

8 thoughts on “My wild and precious life

  1. “Thokkan enikku manasilla.” Your answer to the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” is truly amazing and inspirational! When I am tempted to give up, I will remember your response.

  2. Anitha: it was never a question to be or not to be.. it was always..thokkan enikku manasilla!! BTW, thanks for the comment.. you made me remember kuntham kulukki

  3. I just don't feel like giving up ( I think).

    Here is what I have been using a bit more.. “Paranja vaakum, erinja kallum, chellavakkiya paisayam”.. hehehe..

  4. Rahmath: Kai randum ketti, thala onnu pokki, kannu randum mizipichu oru dialogue angottu neetti kachanam..njan arudeyum munnil ente thala kunikkan uddheshikkunnilla.. pinney, kuninjunnu ningalkku thonniyathu ningaludey imagination ayirikkum!enikku thokkan mansilla..I am still looking for that feeling of defiance..

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