What would take my mother to stop punishing me?
Yesterday it was the chook feed. My chooks are 8 weeks old and their food was running out. I bought the feed on my way back from school.
The first questions my mother asked me was
“Did you tell them how old the chooks were? Did you buy the food meant for 8 weeks old chooks?”
Most of the time I tend to ignore her, but sometimes I want her to know that I am 39 years old and can think. I get so angry when she thinks that I am an idiot. I have told her so many times that I am not her 6 year old daughter anymore and I really don’t need any more mothering. But she doesn’t get it. She will never get it.
Then it is her cloths. It is beyond her to wear anything decent. She wants everyone to think that she doesn’t have good cloths because she was spending every dime she had for her daughters and not for herself.
One nighty, one grey underskirt ( that was black at some point) one faded salwar ( athu kashu koduthu vangicha tha! So even if it is faded, it has to be accepted), one hippy pant that was my younger sister’s discard and one old suitcase ( read very very very old). That was all she brought with her when she came to stay with me.
But she didn’t forget to bring her Leela Kempinski room slippers! she even took the Leela Kempinski slipper with her when she went to stay with her cousin. Sadly the cousin was born and raised in Malaysia and never heard of Leela Kempinski! And amma was very disappointed.
I know you can take a horse to the water, but you can’t make it drink. I know Amma won’t change. But much as I try to change and accommodate her, I also feel like sending her to the old folks home.
But she tried so hard in her own weird ways to raise her daughters. She never did a good job. Does that mean that I will also end up not doing a good job if I can’t even take care of my own mother in her old age?