What would take my mother to stop punishing me?
Yesterday it was the chook feed. My chooks are 8 weeks old and their food was running out. I bought the feed on my way back from school.
The first questions my mother asked me was
“Did you tell them how old the chooks were? Did you buy the food meant for 8 weeks old chooks?”
Most of the time I tend to ignore her, but sometimes I want her to know that I am 39 years old and can think. I get so angry when she thinks that I am an idiot. I have told her so many times that I am not her 6 year old daughter anymore and I really don’t need any more mothering. But she doesn’t get it. She will never get it.

Then it is her cloths. It is beyond her to wear anything decent. She wants everyone to think that she doesn’t have good cloths because she was spending every dime she had for her daughters and not for herself.
One nighty, one grey underskirt ( that was black at some point) one faded salwar ( athu kashu koduthu vangicha tha! So even if it is faded, it has to be accepted), one hippy pant that was my younger sister’s discard and one old suitcase ( read very very very old). That was all she brought with her when she came to stay with me.
But she didn’t forget to bring her Leela Kempinski room slippers! she even took the Leela Kempinski slipper with her when she went to stay with her cousin. Sadly the cousin was born and raised in Malaysia and never heard of Leela Kempinski! And amma was very disappointed.

I know you can take a horse to the water, but you can’t make it drink. I know Amma won’t change. But much as I try to change and accommodate her, I also feel like sending her to the old folks home.
But she tried so hard in her own weird ways to raise her daughters. She never did a good job. Does that mean that I will also end up not doing a good job if I can’t even take care of my own mother in her old age?

3 thoughts on “

  1. Sarah,

    I was shocked beyond words when I first read your story. I couldn't comprehend a world where a mom could be so cruel to her own daughter.

    What you are doing is a TRULY commendable job. If my mom had treated me the way your mom has treated you, I honestly can't say if I would go out of my way to accomodate her. Just giving birth does not make anybody a mom.

    The only thing you needed to learn from your mom was how NOT to raise kids and I think you have learnt the lesson well. You are doing a TERRIFIC job of raising your kids. Kudos on that!

  2. Nilu: You know what is hard.. My mother thinks she is very smart. I grew up thinking that my mother is intelligent.
    Yet she doesn't even comprehend what has happened. She has her reasons and excuses for everything. Few days ago when we had a row, she mentioned that she didn't know about George and chechy. She said she believed the stories both of them told her. A part of me want to scream at the top of my voice and ask her how can she be so stupid..Then I think perhaps she was the dumbest of all.. and that is hard to accept. My mother was not illiterate. Could she have been this stupid?
    Most of the times I want to walk away..because she is toxic to my mental well being. yet I feel guilty. Because I don't want to regret thinking that I didn't give her a chance. I hate feeling like this. There is no escape for me

  3. I really feel its really gr8 that you gave a try supporting your mother. But I feel most of the people have their own believes. Most of them never go out of it too. We all have definition for intelligent and stupid too.. On one side we think a lot and do smartest way. But other way we will be stupid too as its too hard to find a full proof only smart way 😉

    So only option you might have is to leave her the way she is and accept the way she is and live your life not allowing her to really rule you. Its really hard though

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