When I became a mother, I felt I was at the top of the world. I wanted someone to love and cherish, that someone I can call ‘mine’.
At the same time I also knew that I didn’t want myself to be anything like my own mother.
I was going to be different.
I was going to raise my children differently from how I was raised.
I was going to be there for my children.
And I knew I will protect my children, come what may.
But life doesn’t come with an erase button. Neither there is an undo button.
I am still my mother’s daughter.
Today I lied to my son. And I have always told my children that I will not tolerate them lying to me. I have always told them that, it is not that they lied that would anger me, it is that from now on I wouldn’t be able to trust them.
Yet I had no qualms lying to my son blatantly.
Amma used to snoop around my stuff when I was growing up, even coming to my medical college hostel when I was at the hospital and going through all my mails. She even perfected the fool proof way to open a letter without me knowing. She snipped the side with a sharp scissors, took the letter out, read it and then put it back and seal the edge with glue. When I get the mail, I never notice the difference.The only way I found out was once she used a cheap glue and the edges didn’t stick, so when I was putting the letter back, it came out through the other end.
I have been wanting to know who is my son’s latest crush. He wouldn’t tell me and I decided to check his email.
Why I did that, I don’t know.
I shouldn’t have.
But I did.
Unfortunately my son checked the log and noticed that someone accessed his email when he wasn’t home and asked me if I opened his email.
I should have said Yes
But I didn’t
I am horrible