It was the day of the College Christmas party. All the girls were busy getting ready. Most of them had their shower in the morning, just to be on the safer side.
Dhobi was busy ironing the sarees and blouses.
“What saree are you going to wear?” Aparna asked. Her mother had send her a brand new kanjeevaram saree. I had no one to send me a saree. I had thought of going home and taking one of Amma’s sarees. But all her silk sarees were from George. She had given all the sarees Appa got for her to chechy, so chechy could wear a different saree each day.
No one cared if I had anything.
“I am wearing the green colour saree” I spoke
“Didn’t you wear that the last time?”
“I guess. Yeah”
“Oh” Aparna didn’t know what else to say.
Perhaps she understood that no one really cared about me.
I wanted to say something and clear her misunderstanding. But I was tired of trying to build the walls to protect myself. May be it was time to let everyone know that I was all alone, that I had no one, that my family is totally screwed up, that I am a two timing bitch.

I wore the saree. My neck was bare. I looked as though I joined the Pentecost church. I wore my cardigan, hoping that would hide my bare neck. At least it covered my bare arms.
“Our program is right after Vidya’s dance” Anitha came in to the room to let me know.
“ok”
“meet me at the back stage once Vidya is on the stage. Ok?”
“Ok”
“Don’t forget”
“No I won’t”

I remembered the last Christmas. It felt like a dream.
But it wasn’t a dream.
I didn’t want to go for the party. But I didn’t want to miss a chance to see him.
I waited for all the students to leave, I had planned to stand by the canteen like the last time. I had no plans to sing the Christmas carol.
By the time I reached the canteen, Princy was already giving the inauguration speech. The canteen lights were turned off, which was good for me.
“Where were you? I have been waiting for you for so long. My God, you women take so long to get dressed” Arjun was walking towards me.
“Come, everyone is waiting for you”
“Where are you going?” I asked
“Over there, we saved a chair for you”
“No it is ok Arjun, I will wait here. I have to sing the carol”
“Don’t be silly. Your carol is after Vidya’s dance. I had already checked it. Come let us go” Arjun held my elbow and started to guide me.
Arey bhabi, where were you. Your man was almost going crazy waiting for you” Rupesh spoke.
I didn’t reply. I had nothing to say.
“Come, sit” Rupesh pointed to the two chairs.
Arjun sat next to me.
Princy was going on and on and i looked around to see the one familiar face in the sea of all the happy faces.
Sometime later, I noticed Arjun’s hand was resting at the back of my chair.
I leaned forward.
The mike system was totally screwed up and Pricy’s voice was turning out to be muffled. Perhaps he understood it was time to stop. He then passed the mike to Vice princy, who started the speech in Kannada.
My back was beginning to ache and I so very badly wanted to lean back on the chair.
I looked at Arjun to see if he would take his hand off. He was busy listening to the Vice Princy’s
speech.
I closed my eyes hoping I can just disappear. But images and memories have a way to haunt you, when you just want a moment of peace and tranquility.
Someone fixed the mike and Vice Princy’s voice boomed, scaring the wits out of me.
Arjun and Rupesh were talking something. I looked around again to see if he was around.
There was a lame skit by Ramesh and gang that invloved naming 5 animals without tails.
“2 Gorillas,2 orang Utans and 1 Chimpanzees”
Everyone was laughing. I didn’t find anything funny, but i still laughed. lest I be classed as insane though I was already among the insane.
I was so bored.
I started to multiply in my head
1 x2, 2 x2, 4×4, 16 x 16……..
Te Emcee announced the next program, I wasn’t paying attention and then I heard someone strumming the guitar. I looked at the stage.
He was standing there and he started to sing
Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance
But you still catch my eye
Tell me baby
Do you recognize me?
Well
It’s been a year
It doesn’t surprise me

“Happy Christmas”
I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying “I love you”
I meant it
Now I know what a fool I’ve been
But if you kissed me now
I know you’d fool me again

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special
ooooo
oh oh baby

A crowded room
Friends with tired eyes
I’m hiding from you
And your soul of ice
My god I thought you were
Someone to rely on
Me?
I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart
oh oh
Now I’ve found a real love you’ll never fool me again
Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special
SPECIALLLLLL

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart (I gave you mine)
A man under cover but you tore him apart
Maybe next year I’ll give it to someone
I’ll give it to someone special.
special
so long

I got up from my chair.
“Where are you going?” Arjun asked
“Choir” I mumbled.
He got up and gave me space to walk.

The bitter tears didn’t start to fall till I was halfway to the hostel.

One thought on “

  1. I have been following this blog for quite sometime now. Oh! My heart is just breaking for you right now. I know my empathy does nothing to relieve the pain but i hope that you will feel better.

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