Murphy’s law dictates that, just when a thousand and one women who are often found sitting by the side of buildings under construction with a hammer and chiseling the rocks, sit inside your brain and were busy crushing rocks with a hammer and the sound goes tuck, dum, tuck, dum tuck tuck, your mother will shake your body and scream at the top of her voice and ask you to
“Get up”
I tried to use the pillow and cover my head so I could shut the noise.
Amma pulled the pillow off my face.
I wanted to open my eyes and yell at her.
But my eyes apparently didn’t understand the commands from my brain, neither did my mouth.
I was sure there were two of me. One could hear and understand what was going on and the other wanted to shout ‘Leave me alone’. I wasn’t sure which one was the real me.
I wasn’t sure what was going on.
But I was sure there was something wrong with me.
I tried to figure out what was wrong with me and I heard Amma speaking
“I have not even seen my husband drunk and look at my pathetic fate!”
Husband drunk? What was she talking?
She is mad. I thought. My feet felt cold. That was odd.
I never sleep without using a blanket. My feet must be under the blanket, be it summer or winter. I moved my feet around to see where my blanket was. Then I felt it at the bottom of my bed. I tried to pull it up with my toes. But I couldn’t.
So I got up to get the blanket.
Time sure froze for a second and then it felt as though something had exploded inside my brain. My head was on fire.
It hurt to even move my head or to open my eyes. I held my head with my hands hoping I could protect it from more explosions.
‘Oh god’ I mumbled before I gently lowered my head and lay down on the bed.
enikkedi” (get up). Amma yelled
“Shut up” I yelled back. and the next moment I regretted yelling. My whole body was in the process of millions of explosions. I realized I shouldn’t even attempt to talk. Talking hurt my ears and my head.
“Amma, leave her alone, let her sleep” I heard someone speaking.
Who was that? I wondered. I wanted to open my eyes and look. I couldn’t. But I was grateful to whoever it was who spoke those nice words.
I could hear Amma and the other person arguing. I used my hands to cover my ears. I couldn’t shut the voices.
“She is drunk Amma. She needs to sleep it off”
drunk? who was drunk? Appa? But he isn’t here or is he?, did he come home? I tried to remember if Appa had come home.
Then I remembered going with Arjun for the party.
Arjun, ah it felt so good.
Then I remembered drinking my first beer and someone refilling my beer mug.
‘oh god’
I wished it was all a nightmare.
I remembered leaning on Arjun.
It felt so good.
Nightmare that felt good.
I could still feel his hands on my belly as he held me. I could feel his breath on my neck.
My head was hurting so bad that I wanted to die, my heart was feeling so happy that I wanted to get up and go out and phone Arjun. I wanted to hear his voice.
I felt like the heroin in the Mills and Boons books. Swept off my feat by a tall, fair and handsome man.
I wanted to smile, I wanted to shout and say Yeah baby yeah and I wanted to die.

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