48 rs

I loved to read Sunday edition of Newspapers with extra comic strips, horoscope, movie reviews etc. I changed my dress to go out.
“Where are you going?” Amma asked
“To the corner shop”
“Can you buy a kilo of cooking oil too? Oil finished last night” Amma spoke
“Sure Amma. Where is the bottle?” I asked Amma
“For what?”
“To buy the oil?”
“Nina,They don’t sell oil ‘loose’ here, It comes in packets”
“Oh”
All the better I thought. I didn’t want my hands to get dirty with oil anyway.
“There is no vegetable also” Amma was looking down on the ground. I felt bad for her. I felt bad because I knew she was feeling ashamed that she can’t provide food for us.
“Where do I buy vegetables from?”
“There is a vegetable shop across the road from the corner shop. Take the first left turn after the corner shop and you will see a Nandini Dairy shop and next to that there is a vegetable shop”
“Ok.Amma”

I checked my wallet. I had 50 Rs with me. More than enough to buy oil and newspaper and vege.
I got out of the house and started to walk towards the corner shop. I had to watch every step, so I won’t step on cow dung. The drain by the side of the road was stinking and dirty water was over flowing on to the road. How do people live in such conditions and go about their daily life as though all these are part and parcel of life?

There were so many people waiting to buy grocery at the corner shop. The shop had two entrance, both blocked by 3 feet high counter with glass top. The shop keeper and his assistants stood inside the shop amidst the gunny sacks holding lentils, rice,sugar etc.
There was no queue to stand, each person tried to yell the list of things they wanted to buy and the shop keeper and his assistant tried to attend to as many people as they can at the same time creating a systematic chaos. I was standing next to an elderly man who kept yelling
“1/4 kilo sugar and a bar of lifebuoy soap”
One attendant brought a Lifebuoy soap and placed it on the counter and then he went to attend to another customer.
“Sugar. I need 1/4 kilo sugar” the old man yelled, but the attendant was already measuring lentils for someone else.
After few more minutes of constant yelling, another attendant measured the sugar and he too kept the packet on the counter in front of the old man.
“How much” The old man yelled.
“Ask the boss” He too went on to attend the other customers.
I was too shy to yell, so I waited hoping to catch someone’s attention.
Few minutes the owner of the shop wearing a mundu and white shirt, came and checked the packet on the counter
“Is that all?” He asked the old man
“Yes, I had to wait an hour to get 1/4 kilo of sugar and a bar of soap” Muttered the old man
The owner pretended he didn’t hear it.
He calculated the cost, took the money and walked towards cashier’s desk. He opened the the drawer and kept the money inside, then took out the balance and gave it to the old man. That is when he saw me
“Yes” he asked
“1 kg cooking oil and Times of India”
” brand? oil?” he sounded annoyed as though I was wasting his precious time.
I had no idea what brand oil is available. I used to do grocery shopping for Amma when we were at Kottayam and I just had to tell Anichettan, “Cooking oil” and he knew what oil I wanted.
“Any” I knew I sounded like an idiot, but I honestly had no idea what brand oil Amma was using in Bangalore.
I watched the shop keeper going to the back of the shop and bringing a yellow colour tetra pack carton with sunflower picture on it. He placed the packet in front of me on the counter. He then went to get the news paper that were hung on a plastic rope near the left hand side of the shop. I took the 50 Rs from my wallet and the when the shop keeper came back with the news paper, he saw the money in my hand. Without a single word, he took the money from my hand and went to the cashier’s desk, placed the money inside, took some coins and placed the coins in front of me and went on to attend to the next customer.
This was the most silent transaction I have ever done in my life and something wasn’t right. I looked at the coins on the glass counter. There was 45 paise. I gave 50 rs. There has to be mistake, how can he give me 45 paise balance? Is he trying to cheat me? My blood pressure started to rise thinking that I was getting swindled. After all I am a good catch.most people were hading in 5 rs and 10 rs note and I gave a 50! He must have thought I am some rich kid with money to throw out!
I won’t let anyone swindle me
So I yelled
“Where is the rest of the money?”
The shop owner turned to look at me
“What money?”
Aha, he is asking me what money? I will tell him
“I gave you a 50 Rs note” I yelled
“I already gave you the balance” he sounded agitated
Everyone was looking at me
I wasn’t going to go without a fight
“You gave me 45 paise” I picked up the money and placed it in my palm, so everyone can see.
“Oil was 48.05. Rs and the newspaper was 1.5o and the balance is 45 paise. Didn’t you learn to calculate when you went to school?” He asked mockingly
Everyone was laughing at me.
Oil costs 48 rs for a kilo? I didn’t know that. I never bought oil in Bangalore. Even at the hostel I used to oc* oil from the mess for cooking in my room.

I took the oil carton and the newspaper and quietly walked back towards home.
Initially I was upset because I really got chummified (embarrassed) at the shop.
But as I took each step towards home, I wanted to cry, my heart felt so heavy. Amma was waiting for me at home, hoping to cook the vege I bought to feed us.
There was nothing, not even a cucumber I could buy for 45 paise and I had spend all my money. I knew I failed my mother.
While I was spending money to buy burgers and mangosteens, my mother was struggling to feed my sisters and I never once bothered to think about how Amma was struggling
I should have known that there is no place in the first floor house for Amma to grow vege, unlike the house where we stayed in Kottayam. There Amma grew papaya, yam, green bananas etc and we always had vege at home.
I understood why Amma was upset when I made tea for Arjun and finished the milk, I understood why she was upset when she saw the mangosteen.
I regretted for being so selfish. There is no excuse for being selfish.

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