“Nina”
“hmm” I responded
“You are the best that ever happened to me”
“Really? Why do you say that?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain that. Every time I see you, I know everything will be alright”
“Everything is alright with you, isn’t it?”
“Well not really”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, my dad is selling our family business. Only one of my sisters is married. What will happen to the other sisters if we don’t have money? Who will marry them? It takes another 3.5 years for me to graduate. Even then would I make enough money to support my family?”
“You should be able to. I am sure you will be paid well. Besides your father can always start another business”
“Nina you have seen him, haven’t you? He is getting old. He doesn’t tell anyone how worried he is. But I can see it Nina. I can see the fear in his eyes. I am the only hope they have”
“I know”
“Nina,Will I be able to support my family?”
“I am sure you will be able to”
“Do you know something Nina?”
“tell me”
“I won’t be able to live without you. You are the silver lining in the grey cloud. You give me hope. I won’t live without you Nina. I won’t”
There were too many thoughts in my mind. What was I going to do? How can I not think of four girls and two aging parents?
How can I just walk off saying that ‘it is your problem not mine’.
What if he does anything stupid? Won’t I have to carry all the curses for the rest of my life?
“How does the egg taste?” He was looking at me and at the egg bhaji in the plate
“Pardon me” I stared at him trying to see, what exactly he asked
“How does the egg bhaji taste?”
“why?”
“Oh Nina”
I was just about to shout and tell him, please don’t say Oh Nina, I absolutely hate it’
But I knew it is better that I don’t tell him that. If I told him that I hate someone saying Oh Nina, chances are he would say it over and over to annoy me.
“I wanted to know how the egg taste” He replied
“Why?”
“Oh Nina, I know how much you love egg Bhaji and when we are married, I want us to enjoy things together. I don’t want you to give up on everything you like because I am a vegetarian. I don’t think I can eat meat. At least I can try the eggs, there is blood in it”
“No. Don’t”
“Don’t what?”
“You don’t have to eat eggs. You don’t have to change”
“But I want to”
Before I could react, he took a bhaji from my plate.
“Arjun don’t” I pleaded.
I tried to snatch the bhaji from his hand and he quickly started to eat..
“Arjun, please don’t” I begged him not to eat.
He took the first bite. He looked surprised biting in to the crispy outer coating of the egg bhaji followed by the boiled egg white.
“This is ok. I thought it would be worst”
“Arjun, don’t. Please stop eating”
He wasn’t listening to me
I saw the shock in his eyes as he started to bite in to the boiled egg yolk. The yolk started to coat his tongue
“Euh”
That is all I heard before he rushed to the wash basin to wash and rinse his mouth.
“bhaiyya one masala tea please” I waved my hand and placed the order with the canteen operator.
“How do you eat that?” Arjun pointed to the egg bhaji as he sat down.
“I guess it is an acquired taste”
“It is terrible” He was using the serviette to wipe his tongue
“I told you not to eat it”
“You are terrible”
“Pardon me”
“You kill all the animals and eat. You are a murderer”
I watched the operator bringing the hot masala tea. I had the urge to pick it up and throw it on Arjun’s head. Instead I pointed to Arjun, so the operator could serve the tea to Arjun.
“What tea is it?” Arjun asked the operator
“Masala tea”
“Masala tea? I hate masala tea”
“But madam ordered masala tea”
Before the whole thing erupted in to a big fight, I took the cup from the operator’s hand.
“I ordered for me”
“Get me a torino” Arjun ordered.
I wanted to tell Arjun that he had no right to look down on me because I eat meat. I wanted to tell him that I ordered the masala tea for him because I hoped the spices in the tea would take away the egg taste in his mouth. But I just couldn’t. I hated myself for my inability to talk and let the other person know what exactly I am thinking.
I drank the tea in silence.
There were few more egg bhajis in my plate. I suddenly didn’t have any mood to eat it.
I checked my watch. It was almost 7pm.
“Bye Arjun. I have to do microbiology assignment” I got up
“ok. Are you not going to finish the bhaji?” he pointed to the egg bhaji in the plate
“No” I replied
“You are wasting money”
My blood was boiling. I checked my pocket and realized I didn’t bring any money with me. I walked to the counter
“Bhaiyya, can I pay you the money later? I forgot to bring money with me”
“It is ok Nina, I will pay the bills” Arjun shouted
“It is ok” I replied
“bhaiyya. Give me 5 minutes. I will bring the money. I will pay, you got it?” I asked the operator. He nodded his head.
I ran all the way back to my room to get the money. I was just so mad at Arjun.
I was gasping by the time I came back.
“How much was it?” I asked the operator
“Madam, he already paid”
“Who?”
“Arjun sir”
“I told you I will pay, didn’t I?”
I was mad at the operator. Why can’t people understand simple instructions? He nodded his stupid head when I asked him if he understood that I will pay and now he says he took the money from Arjun. Stupid fellow!

I hated Arjun and I hated myself because I couldn’t tell him that.

Late in the evening I heard someone shouting
“Nina phone for you”
I looked at the clock. 10pm.
I knew who it would be. I ran all the way up to the phone room and picked up the phone
“Hello” I spoke. I was gasping
“Hi baby. How are you?”
“I am good”
“Can you skip the class tomorrow morning?”
“Why?”
I quickly tried to remember whose rounds would it be tomorrow. It is Dr. Narayan’s rounds
“I can’t. tomorrow is Dr. Narayan’s rounds”
“That is bad!”
“Why?”
“Nina, I will be away for a few days. I should be back by week end”
“Where are you going?”
“I told you. remember? Sometimes I have to be away”
“hmm”
“Baby are you ok?”
“mom got a house in Bangalore and she didn’t even let me know”
“why?’
“I don’t know”
“That is bad”
“hmm”
“I love you Nina. I want you to know that everything will be fine”
“No it won’t” I whispered
“Oh it will be. trust me baby. Everything will be fine. You have me baby. You just have to know that”
I wished life was just that easy. But I knew it wasn’t. It wouldn’t it.
“Nina?”
“hmm”
“I love you. You know you have me. That is all that matters”
No it isn’t. I wanted my mother, father and my sisters too. They are my family.
“baby, will you be alright for a few days?”
“hmm” I mumbled
“Promise me”
“Promise”
“Nina, my friends are waiting for me. Today is Jithen’s birthday. We are about to go out and eat”
“Ok”
“I will see you soon. I love you so much. Everything will be fine. ok?”
“Ok”
“Bye baby
“Bye”

I looked forward to Friday. I wanted to go home. In the morning I went to Princy’s office to get permission that allows all Bangaloreans to go home during the week end. I was expecting Prnicy to interrogate me before granting me the permission. He didn’t even ask me anything. He read my letter and signed. I wondered if he too knew that my mother had moved to Bangalore. Nah it isn’t possible I told myself. He would have signed because he saw my term report. I scored the highest marks for Pathology and Microbiology.

It felt so good to be allowed to go home during the week end. I used to envy Shailaja every time she went home. Now it was my turn to go home and eat something good or go to MG road and hang out with friends or go to the library or even go to the theatre and watch a movie. There were so much I could do, instead of rotting in the hostel and fighting with 300 odd students to watch a program on Doordarshan.
I packed my bag on Friday morning itself. As soon the lectures were over, I ran all the way back to the hostel, took my bags and walked towards the main gate.
“Where to?” Chief security looked at the bag and at me
“Home”
“But it is not a holiday”
“It is a week end”
“Only Bangaloreans are allowed to go home”
“I know. I am a Bangalorean now!” I looked at him and smiled. Somehow it felt so good to say that. It also felt so good to annoy him. Before he could ask anything, I opened my bag and took the letter out.
“Here” I showed Princy’s signature to him.” I got permission to go home every week end”
He looked pretty surprised. He took the letter from my hand and started to read.
“I want to verify”
“Sure you can go and verify. But I am going home” I walked off.
I was contemplating if I should take a bus or auto. Bus ride is cheaper, but takes a longer time where as the Auto costs more money, but reaches faster. Anyway I will be going home every week end. So there is no point wasting money. I decided to wait for the bus. There were lots of Bangalorean students waiting for the bus.
“Hey Nina, you are going home?” They asked
“Yeah.My mom is staying in Bangalore now”
“Where?”
“Austin town”
“Wow, you are lucky”
“Why?”
“You can do your internship at St.Philominas hospital”
“Oh”
While I was talking I saw Arjun coming out on his bike. He too saw me standing near the bus station. He approached me.
“Come I will drop you home”
“No it is ok, I will take the bus”
“Come on Nina, stop fighting”
“I am not fighting”
Everyone was looking at us now
“Then get on the bike. I will drop you home”
“Fine” I hissed. I didn’t want to create a scene.
I wanted to strangle him. Instead I sat behind him on the bike.
“Where exactly is your house?” He asked
“Austin town, First right after the temple and then the first left”
“Do you want to eat something before you go?”
“No”
“Ok”

“Is that the temple?” Arjun pointed to the temple on the right
“Yes”
He took the first right and then the first left.
“Where is the house?”
“That one” I pointed to the yellow house.
“My God this place stinks”
I thought of telling him that I didn’t create the place and I don’t have any power to control the air quality.
He stopped the bike in front of the house and I got off.
I had been to his house so many times and have even stayed there. It would be too rude if I don’t invite him in. But I wasn’t sure how my mother would react
“Want to come in?” I asked
“Sure”
He parked the bike by the side of the gate. I walked up the steps quickly hoping I can warn Amma not to embarrass me in front of my classmate.The door was left open
“Amma” I called
“hmm” She came out of her room. She was wearing an old faded blue colour night gown that was full of stain in the front. Why can’t she wear a decent dress at home. Not that we are that poor that she doesn’t have any clothes to wear
“Arjun is with me”
“athinu njan enna vanam?”
“Hello Aunty” Arjun came up the steps and was standing right behind me.
“Hello” She was so gruff.
I watched in horror as my well educated mother just shrugged her shoulder and went back to her room. I turned and looked at Arjun. He was looking at me. I smiled
“Come on in Arjun. Come sit down” I pointed the chair to him.
“Give me a few minutes. I will get you something to drink” I quickly walked in to the kitchen. I needed time to figure out how to respond to my mother’s obvious rudeness. I had no idea what to do. I looked around the kitchen.
I had no idea where anything was in the kitchen
“Amma Chaya evideya vechekkunney?” (amma where do you keep the tea?) I called out.
She didn’t respond. I took a steel pot from the floor and measured a cup of water and kept it on the gas fire to boil. I walked out of the kitchen. Arjun was looking at me.
“Arjun Give me a second”
I quickly walked in to Amma’s room.She was sewing something
“amma chaya evideya vechekkunney”(where do you keep the tea?)
“Kandavanu okkey chaya edukkan ethenna sathram ano?” ( is this an inn to give every stranger something to drink)
“Amma athentey class mate ah. njan avantey vettil ethra pravashyam poyittundennu ammakku ariyavo. Inginey onnum alla manusyaru behave chennunney” (he is my classmate. I have been to his house so many times. This isn’t how you treat visitors)
“Nee aradi enney padippikkan varunnathu”( who are you to teach me how to behave?)
I walked off. It wouldn’t look good in front of my classmate if I argued with my mother.
“Arjun, give me a second” I smiled at him and walked to the kitchen
“Nina, don’t worry. I will have tea at home. I should be going now.”
“No Arjun, you aren’t going anywhere without having tea. Give me a second”
I opened each and every tin/packet/cover on the floor till I found the tea powder and sugar. There was a little bit of milk in the pot by the side of the gas stove. I used the whole lot of milk and made tea. I used the cup from the dinner set Amma has been saving for Maria to serve Arjun.
“Nice cup” He spoke
“My dad got it”
“Nice tea”
“I made that”
We both laughed.
“What is your plan tomorrow?” he asked
“Don’t know. haven’t thought about it”
“I think Sharon is having a party at home. It depends on her parents. They are supposed to go to Goa. If they are leaving tonight then she will have a party tomorrow. Do you want to join?”
I wanted to come home. I so very badly wanted to be out of the hostel. But I kept forgetting what a terrible place is my home. My hostel was any day better than my home. But now that I am home, I had to find things to do. So I can be away from Amma.
“Sure” I spoke
Arjun finished the tea and passed the cup back to me
“Bye Nina, I will see you tomorrow”
“Bye Aunty” he looked towards Amma’s room door and wished her
“Bye” Amma spoke from the room.
She didn’t even come out to say bye to him.
As soon as Arjun left, Amma came out of the room
“I don’t want people to walk in and out of my home. You have sisters don’t forget that. What will people think when men keep walking in and out” She was shouting.
I ignored her. I lay down on the bed.
She went in to the kitchen
“Who opened all these covers?” She was screaming
She must have seen all the packets opened on the floor. You don’t need to be an Einstein to figure that out.
“Nina, put everything back in the right place”
I ignored her.
“I said put everything back”
I didn’t want to fight with her, so I got up. Then I heard her saying
” My god you finished the milk? How dare you? You think I buy milk to feed your boy friend?”
“Well, when I went to his house his parents gave me food and drink. They didn’t treat me differently. Infact, They took me in as part of their family”
“pinney, family! What family? You? part of their family? Do you think they are blind?”
“What exactly do you mean mother?”
“Do you think they can’t see that you are sleeping with their son? You think they want a girl like you to marry their son?”
When your own mother talks bad about you, you feel numb first, then the anger starts rising from the tip of your fingers to the rest of your body.
“maryadekku sadanagal ellam thirichu vecho”(you better put everything back properly)
“You can do it” I told her
“What?”
“You can put everything back. You can do it your self”
“I will teach you a lesson”
“Sure, you have been saying that since I was born. You are a bad teacher. 19 years already, you still haven’t taught me a thing”
“You will never do well Nina”
“Oh that, don’t worry Amma, Even if I take 20 years to pass medicine, I will still be more qualified than you. So stop cursing me. It won’t do any good”
“You think medicine is everything?”
“Currently yes”
There were few magazines on Liza’s table, I took them and went back to lay down on the living room bed to read.
A little while later I heard my sisters coming up
“Hey where did you guys go?” I asked them
“We went out with Liza’s classmates from Chikamagalore” Sally spoke
“Oh, had fun?”
“yes”
We talked about our lifem things to do in Bangalore, places to eat etc etc.

I could hear Amma cooking food in the kitchen. I didn’t want to even offer her my help. How could she even say that I was sleeping with Arjun? How low can she sink?

“Children come and eat” Amma called out.
I got up from the bed. I saw Amma sitting on the chair with a bowl in her hand.
Liza and Sally came and sat on the floor in front of Amma. Amma started to mix the rice and feed them. I walked in to the kitchen. The rice pot was empty. Amma took everything in one bowl, so I won’t get anything to eat.
“Liza is there any grocery shop near by?” I asked
“yes. there is a shop on the other side. From the main road you walk straight and the 2 nd right there is a shop”
“Ok” I took money and walked out
“Where are you going Nina?” Sally asked
“I will be back soon”
The streets were dark and there were lots of people on the road. I took the 2nd right and found the grocery shop. I bought 6 eggs and a lof of bread.
Amma looked at me when I came back. I ignored her and went to the kitchen and made an omelette and ate it with bread. I wanted to wash the pan and the plate. But I wanted to teach Amma a lesson. So I left it in the sink.
“Who is going to wash your dirty dishes?” Amma was standing near the kitchen door and staring at me
“You” I looked straight in to her eyes and told her. She blocked the door using her body
“Move” I asked her
“Wash the dishes”
“You can do it yourself. Amma move. Don’t make me push you away from the door”
She extended her hand and held the door frame. I pushed her right hand with all my strength
“Nina, what are you doing?”
Amma started to cry loud.
Liza and Sally heard Amma crying and came towards me
“I asked her nicely to move. She didn’t.” I told them as I walked out of the kitchen.
“I told her to wash the dishes, She didn’t. See, she pushed me here” Amma started to cry while showing Liza her arm.
“Nina, why don’t you stay in your hostel? Why do you want to come home and fight with us? We live here peacefully and you come and destroy everything.”

I ignored her. Even I was wondering the same. Why did I forget what a night mare my home is?

In the early morning I heard Amma getting up. She switched off the fan in the living room. Then she went downstairs to get the milk. As soon as she went out of the house, I got up and switched on the fan again.
I got up around 8 am. There was nothing to do. Liza and Sally were still asleep. I wanted to read the news paper. I changed my clothes and walked to the grocery shop to buy the paper. It wasn’t open. So I came back home.
I was just about to go and have my shower when I heard a car stopping right in front of the house. I watched Amma running to the bathroom to comb her hair. Then I saw her running to her room to change her clothes. I could hear foot steps coming up the stairs and I saw George walking in. Suddenly I understood why no one wanted me to know that Amma was staying in Bangalore. Right behind George was my older sister.
George looked surprised to see me.
“I am sorry. This isn’t an inn for people to walk in and out” I walked towards the door.
“How dare you talk to Acha like that Nina?” Maria was about to come inside the house to hit me. Amma was still inside changing her clothes. This was my moment. My one and only moment
“Do you think this is an inn?” I asked her
“How dare you talk like that Nina?” Maria was yelling and Amma too came out
“Acha come inside” Amma was telling him to come inside
“No he can’t. You are the one who said this isn’t an inn Amma. What will the neighbours think when my oldest sister walks in here holding to her uncle’s hand as though he is her husband?”
Amma hit me too hard. But I saw George leaving. Maria followed him.
Amma ran after them saying”Don’t go. Acha don’t go. Let her say whatever she wants. Don’t listen to her”
I saw George starting the car and my sister sitting in the front seat.
Wow, now the driver is gone and the passenger got promotion. I thought
Amma came back and started to shout while hitting me
“Are you happy Nina? Are you happy? You made him hate me”
“No I didn’t. You did it. He started hating you the day you gifted your daughter to him”
Amma must have hit me a hundred times that day, I let her. Because I finally said the truth that she was pretending not to notice.